Worry and constant questions keep you awake in the night.
Lies refuse to let you rest,
and secrets force you to hide it all when daylight comes.

A smile at the person walking by,
and a sip of your coffee so you don’t have to talk.
Last night was rough,
but with the makeup you put on,
no one can tell.

How could they?
The mask covers everything.

And you could fool them all,
make them believe everything’s okay.
But not God.
He knows.
Every tear, every laughter, every dream, and frustration.  
And he’s not going to give up on you.

If I was being honest,
I wouldn’t be here if faith wasn’t real.
All the pain I’ve been through would eat me alive
and tear apart the very part inside of me that make me who I am.
If faith wasn’t real,
tomorrow would never exist
and yesterday would have no meaning.
Counting my days would be useless
and the clock on the wall would be stuck at wherever time it stopped at.
If faith wasn’t real,
I wouldn’t believe in arcs and partings of waters.
The cross would be just another story no one would tell.
But truth is,
faith IS real,
and more importantly His love is real,
and never ending.

At my best You praise my victories,
and bath me in light.
At my worst,
You hold me close,
and praise the goodness still inside of me,
reminding me I’m not a failure.
You refuse to leave me in the dark.

At my best you celebrate every moment.
No matter how big or small.
At my worst You hold my hand.
And with every step I take,
You refuse to let go.

At my best Your love rains down on me,
surrounding me in pure joy and everything I had hoped for.
At my worst Your love still rains down on me,
penetrating every tear I cry,
and every stabbing pain I feel.

You’re there when all is good,
and You’re there when nothing is okay.
It doesn’t matter when or where,
You remain steadfast in Your Love,
and in turn it leaves me awestruck.
Completely awestruck in Your Love

On these roads I walk,
unpaved and uneven,
I stumble on the pebbles at my feet.
Each one reminding me of my failures,
everything I’ve done wrong.
But You are the cane that holds me upright,
guiding me along the bumpy path.
You refuse to let my hand slip from the grip I struggle to maintain,
and help my legs reach where I’m supposed to be when they start feel heavier than stone,
I’m not a mistake when You are around,
and though I fall time and time again,
You let me lean on you,
and pull me back up again.
I can make it on this old and beat up road,
even if I’m bruised and worn.
Because You never abandon me.
Oh God, You never leave me stranded.
And Your love is overwhelming.

I once was broken,
all my windows cracked,
and walls caving in.
The doors locked and key nowhere to be found.
Someone held the wreaking ball and I came crumbling down,
rubble on the ground.

So I ran.
I left the behind the shattered pieces of photos once hung so neatly,
and pulled myself from beneath the shards of glass and splinters.
This wasn't my place anymore.
No nails could fix the damage done.

And when I stopped running,
I came to the city where my foundation had been dug all those years ago.
I was still a run down shell,
but I knew this was where I had to be.

So I slowly rebuilt my walls,
and put up new windows.
I even painted new memories
and grew from what was planted.
I wasn't just a for rent sign looking for someone to see what was behind my door.
Because the door had finally been opened.

No, I may not be a mansion,
but I am finally home,
whole again.

The world was too harsh,
and you couldn’t stay anymore.
As hard it was for the ones you left,
it was much harder on you.
That light that tried so hard to chase away the shadows failed.
And the questions will always remain,
wondering why and figuring out how to make sense of your absence.
The answers will probably never come,
and the tears will form just when we thought it was okay.
There is nothing worse than pain that is hidden deep in the heart,
and there is nothing scarier than pain that fills your mind with thoughts of no tomorrow.
You held on for so long,
but it didn’t seem long enough.
And even after the whispers taper off,
the loss will still remain.
So will the hole that got a little bigger when you left this world.

Another to the heart
And I can't seem to stop
No matter how hard I try
It keeps coming back
Pulling me under
Tearing me down

With the sharp end
And shaky hands
My wrists no longer flesh
Just the color of red painted over scars

I've wasted another day
Crying alone
Sitting here in shame
So tired of it all
So completely done with trying to fight
I'll just keep loosing this never-ending endless war

With the sharp end
And shaky hands
My wrists no longer flesh
Just the color of red painted over scars

And if I could fix myself
Somehow I know I would
For all is said and done
Nothing could feel worse
Than what it is I feel so bad
But a pain for pain is all I ever get

With the sharp end
And shaky hands
My wrists no longer flesh
Just the color of red painted over scars

Just the color of red
In this dark I cannot escape
Just the color of red
Dripping from this cold bitter hell
Just the color of red
Love filled, blood thick
Oh God, help me before I run dry