I've known rejection
It bore deep into my heart
Left a nasty scar.

I’m so tired of loving you.
Of holding a space
you can never fill.

Your absence
is all-consuming,
constant.
It presses.
It stings in stillness.

I close my eyes,
and your face
is still waiting for me there.

I don’t want to forget you.
I just want the remembering
to stop tearing me apart.

If there’s a way
to stop loving you
without falling apart,
please-
show me how.
I’m too tired to keep trying,
and too full of you
to stop.

I have lived lifetimes
At night while I sleep
I want to rest now
But I'm scared of what I'll see

Staring at a block button
Like it holds the secrets I crave
Like it offers my heart freedom,
Like it gives my mind escape.

My fingers just won't press it
So odd that now I hesitate
I've pressed it a million times before
In my mind it's what I have to do,
My heart just doesnt want to participate.

But she needs to.
She has never led me right
It's time she does retire
She is always late
And keeps everything on a wire.

That's not how we're living anymore
We are going one foot in front of the other,
I can't rest at closed doors anymore
It's my own light that I smother.

I desperately don't want to say goodbye
But I cannot be your friend
You said true love never goes away
It morphs but never ends.

I can't have you around me
I hope things are different everyday
I can't hold on to what's not there
I have to unlearn how to care.

I sound like a broken record-
My writing even worse
If I have you near me
I'll never get out of the "I miss you" curse.

Missing isn't living
And it hurts me every hour
I've reread every word
And still my feelings aren't sour.

I really want to hate you
So I could just slam the door in your face
But I can't find the justification
And I'd never hurt you on purpose, just in case.

You said that real love never leaves
That it will stay with me forever
Well I'm sitting here as it drips out my eyes
Wishing I never felt it, ever.