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1.5k · Jul 2015
spoons
Anthony Steele Jul 2015
"call me spoons"
said "be giving you what you need,"
pause.
like a toddler, sat in high chair
mess face consisting mostly of chocolate pudding, eviscerated green beans, promises
promises
promises
promises "you are one of a kind."
a hand that can't win.
"you're special,"
the kitten no one adopts
"unique"
alone
"perfect"
can't be fixed
can't be fixed
can't be fixed
can't
be
fixed
broken boy sitting at dinner next to cracked mirror metaphor
mess face consisting mostly of bruises and that's it.
bag of frozen peas on the eye
green beans became useless after dad ran out
spoons across the dining room
no words; body language says enough
"i failed you."
said
"couldn't give you what you need."
"what you need."
what you need
what you need
what you need? you.
you need you.
you need you.
spoons at the end of a rope
black eyes toddler can't see
blind reach
spoons isn't there
spoons isn't there
no object permanence means that while spoons aren't around, baby can't get what it needs.
object permanence means in 1997 when you cheated again and she found out
that there was no running away this time that you in this state will exist in abject permanence.
she can never unsee
bent spoons stained with street glue
black tar lungs and inability to breathe
mess face consisting mostly of
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
1.2k · Jun 2015
free writing
Anthony Steele Jun 2015
hands inspire words to be typed by other hands
my heart is beating
i can see it
my stomach bounces a little each time
low blood pressure typically means a low chance of heart disease but a big chance of not giving much of a **** about anything
bed stained where skin touched skin beautiful act ugly reminder
dont clip fingernails often enough stay ***** work in food industry
coffee farmers drink coffee made from the worst beans of the harvest magnum opus never experienced by artist
motorcycles are a good way of saying i have a lot of money and care about nothing
886 · Jul 2015
Forward
Anthony Steele Jul 2015
pile of blankets--vaguely human shaped bed lump
white curtains, snake skin bundle
crepuscular lit window opposed wall
cranky cellphone sounds
slither-hand. blind pat.
that old song and dance.
11:17 am
self medicated coma
consciousness  comes too soon
post alcohol lubricated dry throat
dryer tumbled bones
dehydrated nectarine shrunken head ache
body floats to surface
ice on road out of control alligator death spinning head
body floating too fast car crash at bed foot
hand eye coordinates aim for dresser
slow foot movement high speed camera precision-every frame counts
reflective closet door shows thick skull and hollow skin, too translucent for comfort. blue veins battling to breathe
squemish rattling breath shuts up
let the stomach talk.
blurted burps stomach acid cacaphony
rorshach stained carpet matches drapes
depression is a thick milkshake
624 · Jun 2015
lyrics
Anthony Steele Jun 2015
You're long gone.
I doubt you'll even hear this.
I never got to tell you how I feel.
And that's pretty lame.
I guess I'll start from the top

I really miss your hands
Specifically the way you
Gesticulated
When you were ******* lying
I miss the sound of your voice
Specifically the way it sounded
When you were screaming in my face
I guess I don't miss you at all
You really ****** me up.

Don't get me wrong
We had some good times too
Remember the time you told me you loved me and then you got pregnant with a crack head's kid and married him?
Oh yeah and he's fifty something and owns snakes too.
That was just the bees knees.

I really miss your brain
Remember the time you conditioned me
And got an A+ in psychology?
I really miss some of my old friends
But you ****** them too so
You can ******* keep em
I don't miss you at all
You really ****** me up

I really hate your mood swings
There's no sugar coating it.
They really ******* ******.
I really hate your sense of entitlement
But you're on a website called homewrecker.com
And I'm living in California so ******* I win
558 · Jun 2015
Untitled
Anthony Steele Jun 2015
pair of stained mustard yellow courderoys at a black tie affair
that feeling you get when youre too full to eat your last meal
the smell of hot asphalt on a rainy day, broken nose. everything smells like blood
handmade silk screened tee shirt commemorating first time getting drunk
road work: wake up five hours early
still ten minutes late
birthday cake for a diabetic
423 · Jul 2015
with hope
Anthony Steele Jul 2015
your painted hands touched the moon
i listened to your heartbeat on the floor of your livingroom
and *******, i can feel your smile
everything was red and blue
ill always see the best in you
and now youre standing there with june in your arms
youre holding on to summer
a vacation from the rest of the world
so let me rest here with you
ill always see the best in you
i had dreams of our adventures
i woke up wanting to leave
i think we talk in our sleep
your bones are warm and i can finally breathe
361 · Jun 2015
Untitled
Anthony Steele Jun 2015
brown: (n.)

black coffee no sugar paintings
tone depth (lack thereof)
mud on boots kicked off at door
rusted kettle poison tee
empty fruit crate dumpster bound
ugly cat
boring eyes
**** that
282 · Jun 2015
snakes
Anthony Steele Jun 2015
Daddy was a boa constrictor
Offering up plate fulls of false sense of security
Broken jaw constituents,
Constipated writhing speech; trouble passing bones
Lack of spine constitutes
Ability to bend over backward.
When offered a hug
Squeezes too tight
Unsure if apologizing or preparing the evening meal.
Been stuck in a cage for too long
Regrets not taking a chance to stay in the wild
Opted instead for meals when he wanted them, heat lamp and a stick
Seventeen notches;
One for each year he squeezed tighter on a turtle trying his hardest to soften her shell
One for each year he looked through the glass
Trying to find a rabbit to ravage while barely allowing my mother to breathe
Late night soirées with cute mice
Come home smelling like the wild
While mother was preparing the evening meal that he would no longer eat
"Stuffed," he explained it. The same way stuffy is how you feel when you can barely breathe.
Discontent with living on one side of the glass where the grass is no longer greener he broke down his walls and slithered away
Wrecked home record, doomed to repeat.
Watched him unhinge his jaw calling it a smile
Forked tongue double speak
He told me he loved me and I think even he believed it
I don't think he could tell the difference between the sun and a heating lamp
He called me his child but I think he only saw warmth from those pits he called eyes
Daddy was blind.
Only recognized me when I grew fangs of my own,
Biting back words that could crush bones I said that I loved him too
Daddy WAS a boa constrictor
Now he's just a snake skin boot, too worn out to be worn again
270 · Jun 2015
Untitled
Anthony Steele Jun 2015
moved across country
chasing dreams
became complacent
started drinking again
found new goals
quit drinking
quit smoking
getting in shape
woke up okay
204 · Jun 2015
Untitled
Anthony Steele Jun 2015
cant say i love you with two tongues in your mouth

animals convey emotion without words

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