He smiles
That dark, mischievous smile
It's a twisted grin
The kind you get when you remember
When you remember that life never goes to plan
You see, his past
It isn't a winding curious trail
it never really reconnects
He simply branched off
Over and over again
A hard right here
A slight left there
Always a new journey
Always a new road
He plans his future
And then veers off
Because to him
Linear isn't an option
There are to many what ifs for that
He could be a lawyer, or a chef
Maybe a pipe fitter, maybe an architect
There's just too many options
For him to stick to just one
Life is simply to easy to pack up
When nowhere feels like home
That doesn't mean he hasn't found it
Because he has
Home, home is that empty stretch of highway at 2am
Home is that one song he hears
Everytime he starts feeling lost
Home isn't really a place for him
It's just a feeling
So he smiles
the hint of a storm brewing behind his eyes
As he makes plans once again
And sees just how long they last

Have you ever had your heart stop?
That moment when you realise
****, this is love
But you know it'd never work?
2am and it hits you
Like a freight train off the tracks
You're stuck there
Frozen
Real pain in your chest
Because it can't be real
Not this, not her, not now
But you know it's true
You've loved her since the day you met
Just felt like a different brand
What do you call it
When you'd die for them
When you'd **** for them
When you'd drop everything
Just to be there
When you can't lose that ache
When your eyes light up
At the sound of their laugh
When their darkness sets in
And you feel helpless
Because you're 1200 miles away
And don't know what to do
When you smile ear to ear
Because she's found someone
Who brings out that sweet laugh
That's love
That's deep, painful, undeniable love
She's not perfect
She's so far from it
But she's so ****** interesting
A history you can't stop listening too
That quiet intelligence
The one your not sure she knows she's got
The softness in her eyes
That rough exterior
Hiding the kindest soul you've ever known

Every day I care a little less
Losing my emotions en masse
I'm not sad, I'm not angry
Just broken
Feeling myself lose the colour
Losing my vision of the future
Just hoping I don't make it there
Would never **** myself
Don't have the heart to pass the pain to someone else
But if a car came careening down the street
I'd keep walking straight
Wouldn't miss a beat
Hits me it hits me

I got real big dreams
And no plan to get there
Just a kid with a big heart
Collecting bears at the local fair
Give em to those in tears
Just a little comfort
Somewhere to whisper their fears
Call it charity
It being such a rarity
But I give a ****
When a total stranger
Takes that hard hit
I can't just walk away
Gotta be the one
Put a smile on their face
Knowing what it's like to feel alone
Means I gotta be there
'*** who knows what's waiting at home

How do I really start this story?
There isn't a way for me to say I'm sorry
And there's a million things I want to say
To express how thankful I am every day
To have you in my corner
Cheering me on, pushing me forward
You taught me to fight tooth and nail
Get my *** back up when I fail
You taught me that growth isn't comfortable
That life isn't some kind of fairy tale
If I wanted to be something
That I had to work and keep working
You taught me respect
Taught me to reflect
Taught me what unconditional meant
You taught me it's ok to get angry, to vent
I guess what I'm trying to say
At the end of the day
When it's all said and done
Is, thank you, I love you Mum