Footsteps
scuffing the pavement
Then another set, coming quickly behind
Turn, and lock eyes
With your Fear
Freeze!
It looms over you,
heavy breath and acrid stench
You can hear its heartbeat, pounding hard and loud and fast
You can’t take your eyes away from its face;
So horrible, so terrible and grey
Blazing eyes and heavy breath;
the stench clogs your throat so you can’t breathe
And you heart starts running to match the beast’s
Panic!
How to escape, how to get away?
How to be sure that you will live another day?
You swallow the heavy stench that fills your throat,
you put a hand to your heart and breathe,
you narrow your eyes at your Fear, you say
“Begone, foul beast, I do not want to play.”

A star, a dandelion fluff
A penny and a clover
None of these as special, I think
As the bright birthday candle
The flame may be temporary,
but the meaning lasts forever
So blow out the candle, so make your wish
As you have done for years
The tradition is ageless, much like a wish
and the memory lasts forever.

I don't know how,
I don't know why
and it makes me want to finally cry
Love is a *****
It's a pain in the ***
Even as it soothes my tortured soul.
Bittersweet is defined by love.
What am I supposed to do
When he says it's not fair?
I'm sorry that I can't grow up,
I've tried
And I'll keep trying for you, love,
but it's just so
****
hard
And it makes me want to cry.

Oculus*
No.
please look at me,
Nonono. No.
Please”
Never, never, never ever. Nevermore. Edgar Poe’s crow. No.
she looked away.
look at me!”
tore her gaze away
*Don't look her in the eye.
She was blind and stupid and alive.

pg. 261

Betrayal
she sat
warm    
cold              
clear and still
sadness left her
anger overwhelmed
“*******”
she whispered
“pathetic”
temptation
She enjoyed the small fragments of pain.


pg. 99

Watschen
footprints
the dustiness of the floor
this would all be for nothing
she would never see her again.
The reality
it stung her
The floor was cold
against her cheek



pg. 143

December Night
the shivering snow
the girl wide awake
she watched
as he slept
“Sleep well”
turn off the light.


pg.392

Torrent
his eyes were silver and strained
misery was attached to them
hope
read the depth of sorrow
it was true

pg. 398

Schweigen
Peace.
making his way through the darkness.
Silence
was not peace.


pg. 424*

Nachtrauern
, please don’t go.”

Why am I always
bleeding
from
these cracks in my soul

I have to cover them up
Wipe away the tears and bloodstains
and
hide.

I can see

the light has blinded me

to the truth

of the world.

Peel the layers of fog

off of my eyes

and let me see

reality.

Red stream, flowing strong,
releases what hides inside.
Pain will erase pain.

Look out at the world
from within a glass eye
See the sky, tinted red
By infinite bloodshed
There's rain coming down
From scarlet-whisper clouds
Rain, red red rain,
Tastes like copper on my tongue.

Here is a rose

It grows and grows,

an exquisite blossom blushing red

The blossom wilts

It dies and dies,

warm blush decaying brown

The petals fall,

dirt stained with blood.

The tide has come,
Stained with blood,
Filling my lungs
With fear.
I’ve stopped swimming,
And now I float -
I can taste rust
In the water’s murky flavor.
My arm stings,
Yet I still want more,
The blade gleams at me
From the sea floor.
I wish I could cry,
But the ocean takes
My tears away
So that I only drown faster.

Flower petals, soft
Colored like cream
Hints of pale rose splashed on the tips
Hold the flower carefully,
and it won’t ***** you with its thorns
Caress the petals, feel them, so soft
Touch your lips to them gently
The bloom will open for you, open
to reveal its bloodred depths, passion
Hold the flower carefully
until it opens
Then keep a tight grip
and caress the soft petals, cream and rose.

Blue glass bottle
To hold this rare moment of peace
There is no fear, no sadness, no anxiety
In this little blue bottle
This is peaceful happiness, a rare treasure for me
Ah, it is so sweet.

The smell
of you
lingers
in my nose,
Your warmth
had stained
my heart—
I cannot wait
to be near you
again.

So now I’m sitting here thinking
“What is wrong with the world?”
I see people laughing as the bombs go off
They say “Hey, people die every day.”
Well, yeah that’s true, but
why should they die from words and hate?
When peers laugh and jeer,
it hurts those that stand out
And the victims of words become bombs
And when the bombs go off
they join the ranks and march
six feet underground
with whoever was caught in the blast
And the survivors sit and wonder
“Why?”
then laugh again
So I was sitting here thinking
“What is wrong with the world?”
And now I’m thinking
“How can we save it?”

Out pops the spirit
and out pops
BOO!
EEK! you shriek, you turn and run away.

Out pops the witch
and out pops a
CACKLE!
AGH! you scream, you turn and run away.

Out pops a vampire
and out pops a
HISS!
OOOOH! you yell, you turn and run away.

Out pops a ghoul,
and out pops a
GRARR!
NOOO! you cry, you turn and run away.

Here comes Halloween,
and out pop the scares
YIIPES! we all scream, we all turn and say
TRICK OR TREAT!

It’s here,
caught in these words I’ve read
so many times,
with a familiar voice in my ears
and warmth on my face
That I really feel like

me.

You keep cutting deeper and deeper -
but don't you remember what you told me?
"Every time you hurt
yourself,
it hurts me, too."
Your cuts leave scars on your skin
and my heart.
I wish we could both learn
how to stop.

No one knows the underground
unless the really try
And no one knows what’s really true
until their blindness dies
So when they open their brand new eyes
and let the shadows meet their life
They will finally learn the secrets
to defeating eternal night.

With you in my heart,
I can do everything
I used to fear.

Screech to a halt,
Looks like my engine's busted again.
I wish I knew how to fix it.

Your
voice, the sweetest sound
that I have ever heard, ah,
the song makes me yearn for you
Physical contact
will leave me
dizzy;
your scent
will steal
my sanity.
It's you, it's you,
Oh, I love, I love, I love you
It is not possible for this fragile body to hold
the blaze inside, this firestorm of
passion sweet and hot
Break me, release the flames
Taste this passion in your dreams
until real life can capture it, too
Ah, I love,
Ah, I love,
Ah, listen, I love you.

A wave of release
flowing
like ink from my pen
Bursting
from between my lips
The fear builds in my chest
Pounding, pounding, pounding
The words strain
to break through
the boundary of fear
Finally,
a fist punches through,
allowing
RELEASE.

Take a breath
breathe in the smoke
Invisible vapors
They choke you, infect you,
they catch you unaware
You don't know
that you're already dead.

What am I, what am I;
What is it that I want?
I want to breathe and weave words
Out of oxygen
Cast a spell to blast the expectations from your mind
You’ll see that I am a wordsmith, I build a world out of words
And I am spectacularly brilliant at my trade
But my words are lifeless
If i have no one to read them
So keep reading, dear reader,
Inhale the story to keep my words alive.

He is a soul who needs to be saved,
Who wanders on his own
Who has scars on his soul.

And who am I to try to save him,
Me with the light gray heart,
Who knows the world but has no experience
Who still believes in light?

I am no one, and so is he,
But there's no reason for that to stop us,
No reason give in.

I think that with a bit of time,
Like a bird with a broken wing,
I can fix him.
I can teach him how to love again.

Brown.
Mahogany brown.
Mahogany brown, with pieces of melted chocolate.
Mahogany brown with pieces of melted chocolate, never failing to melt my heart.

I gaze into your eyes, noticing how the clouded sunlight has lightened the color and made it easier to see
mahogany brown, with pieces of melted chocolate.

They are warm and smiling, because you are warm, and smiling up at me as I gaze into your eyes. Your smile leads me to notice your lips, which I love to kiss.

I love to kiss those lips, and I always feel my heart jump when I do. It skips a beat as I sink into your warmth, and I kiss you again because
I love to kiss those lips.

Soft strands, darkness streaked with light.
Soft strands, darkness streaked with light, always feel so soft against my fingertips.
I brush your hair away from your face with butterfly fingers, gentle.
You catch my fingers in your hand, weave your fingers through mine.
I never want to let go,
   never
             never
I never want to let go of you, and I press my lips against yours again. You hold me close, so close, and our souls touch.
I feel our souls touching, stretching feathery fingertips to clasp hands and hang on for dear life.
I gasp at the sensation, at the feeling of being
whole.
And I look into your eyes, full of love and warmth and passion and desire;
mahogany brown, with pieces of chocolate.

My hair

between his fingers

Soft, golden strands

Woven sunlight

slipping through

the gaps between the digits

A

whisper

Almost impossible to hear

Words of affection

brush against my ear

Dark eyes meet

ocean eyes,

pools of love.

I’ve been caught
in a bubble of my own creation,
cold and suffocating.

I think I'm being buried
slowly
smothered as
more
and more
dirt is piled
onto my shoulders
"...seperating..."
"...just friends..."
"...dead..."
"...responsibility..."
"...passing, right?"

I am up to my neck
and barely breathing.

Off
the top of my head
What can I write
off the top of my head?
Can I write a true, for-real poem?
Or just a bunch of nosense,
riddles from a gnome?
What can I create just by simple improvisation,
by simpling tossing words at a wall?
Will it be something to awe and inspire you all?
Will this poem simply crash and burn,
drag me behind it as it falls?
I don't know,
I will not know,
until I share this burst of improvisation
with the world.

Tell me now,
is it shining gold
or pitiful coal?

I'm being dragged down again,
buried again,
smothered again

I need you to save me again

My thoughts are killing me again.

Leave a trail of butterflies
on my skin
with your kisses
We'll watch together
as the vibrant wings catch fire
And our lips meet in a storm of flame.

Butterfly heart,
I have a butterfly heart
when I'm with you
You've caught my butterfly heart,
holding it gently in your hands
If anyone else had snatched it from the air,
I would have grabbed it right back
But you, I trust
I trust you with my butterfly heart
Just be gentle with it
Don't let it fly away
I really would like
for my butterfly heart
to stay.

By the time you read this, I will be dead.
I will have grown tired of the light,
and my soul will have fled.
It was time for me to join eternal night.

By the time you read this, I will be dead.
I ask that you shed no tears
when you see me in my bed
Young and sad, full of so many more years.

By the time you read this, I will be dead.
Remember my smile, let it warm your heart.
I know that you never thought of me without dread
I promise you that we will never truly part.

By the time you read this, I will be dead.
I have gone on a journey to the beyond
I will find an after now that soul's light has left my head.
I hope to see you again, and that you never forget our bond

My body may move,
but my soul is forever with you,
my heart next to yours.
I may seem far away, love,
but I promise you
I am always by your side.

No matter how
the world may change you,
no matter the words you say,
my heart is yours
and you swear yours is mine,
as long as that is true, I promise you, love,
I am always by your side.

We'll both grow older
in the time that stands between us,
but be not afraid
of becoming an outgrown toy
I will always need you,
your heart next to mine,
I promise you again and again, love,
I am always by your side.

So kiss me again
and forget those gray fears
They'll only cloud your happiness, love,
Please, remember,
always remember:
I am always by your side.

This room where I hide,
it is filled with the stench of
winter, and shallow loneliness.

You give me hope,
but it’s hard to hold on to that
when everyone else
blew it out
even after promising
to protect its flame.

it builds up again
it builds up again
It builds up again and it's about to explode
i've lost my mind again
i've lost my mind again
I've lost my mind and I don't know how I'm alive
i'm on the edge again
i'm on the edge again
I'm on the edge and I have one foot hanging off
can i fly?

How is it that I have kept this faith:
That this love here will not fade?
Oh, the innumerable ways;
Perhaps it is in the way
I lose a piece of my breath
When I meet you eyes, and you smile.
It may be in the way
I always get a thrill that shover through my chest
When your lips meet mine,
And hesitate to leave again.
Oh, it must be in the way
We are still so close even when we are so far,
Each of us never separated from the other’s thoughts.
Ah, yes, all doubts are beyond faded;
They are shattered,
Dissolved in the sunlight,
Barely a breath in the sky.
As I meet your eyes.
I can see for miles, immeasurable,
The incredible infinity of our love.

We are like fingers caught
in a Chinese finger trap:
The more you try to pull us apart,
the tighter we cling to each other.

No one can see
that I'm caught in between -
my body is in the present
while my soul is in the past.

Inscribed in the tear-stained stone
Two dates:
a beginning and an end
Birth day and day of passing
Time spent walking as a physical body with emotions
The span of emotions and memories experienced
Before Time nibbled the soul, liked the taste, devoured it
Stole it away
Leaving just an empty shell
Blank face and marble skin
Tear-stained stone remembers the name
once memories are long gone,
But memories will take hundreds of decades to fade.

That which I do not understand
is a reason not to follow,

And a reason not to follow
is a reason not to care.

A reason not to care
is a reason not to live,

and reason not to live
is a reason to say the words
that are equal to ¨Farewell¨.

Another chance
to heal my heart
Another chance
to trust.
Another chance
to fall in love
Another chance
to smash my loneliness against the wall.

Notes are spinning

through my head;

I need a way to

let them out

But those notes

drown out

the memories of

cruel words

that try to tear me apart

with my own hands.

So I will

let the songs play on

and save me from

being lost.

My existence flickers,
but only in my own mind-
I seem to be forgetting reality,
and the memories I've captured
are finding ways to escape the jar.
I chase them through the dew-speckled fields,
but they deceive me every time.

And sometimes I stop,
and fling myself to the ground -
roll to face the stars,
and nearly drown in my own tears,
and ask

"Why?"

I'm heartbroken over the news of Chester Bennington's suicide. He's been my inspiration for years. You will be missed, Chazzy Chaz. <3

When I was a kid,
The world was a sparkling diamond,
And I was fascinated by the iridescent sparkles.
Then I grew up,
And everything shattered.