Who sat there?
I see
a girl with sad eyes that no one sees
In the kitchen, there is a chair
that no one ever uses
at a table set for five,
why?
I see
tears leaking into the wood that no one sees
Upstairs, a door not opened
Contents are need-to-know only,
why?
I see
the monster used to dance with her here, where no one could see
In the room across the hall,
the broken mother cries at night
with a cracked frame in her hand.
Why?
I see
*in the bathroom are bloodstains that she wishes she didn't see.

The excited shout of a “Happy birthday!”
is my reminder that someone still thinks about me.

I know that you’re angry
about what she did,
but attacking me for
her decisions
will only drive me away.

I know you don’t understand
how someone could hide
behind a false family,
but we weren’t false.
We were just safe.

She decided to take a risk for love,
and now she’s happy,
and I am proud.

S h ii v e rr r . . .
I tremble as I breathe you in
I tremble as I think again
“You are the only one for me,”

S h ii v e rr r . . .
I vibrate under your gentle touch
I vibrate under the force of your love
And let it sweep over my head

S h ii v e rr r . . .
I shiver as I wake,
I shiver as the warmth seeps away,
And I realize that it was just another dream.*

But today I will see you,
And that will be a dream
come true.

A lightning blot

just touched me heart

Jagged white strip

of pain

Flash!

Heartbeats thunder

through my brain,

provoked

by fear's burning breath.

Eyelids sliding shut
SNAP!
They fly back open
Can't let them stay closed
Stayawakestayawake
They slide again
SNAP!
Open, open, stay open, stay
Awake.
That is something
that is easier coming from the mouth
than from the limbs.

Remember the feel of your hair,
Soft between my fingers
As we kissed and I melted,
I struggled to keep my head above the waves
Of love that were crashing over me
But, ah, my love,
I want to drown in you.

Talking to strangers is odd...
Oddly refreshing.

You live in a city underground
Where screams don't make a sound,
and voices are physical.
Words slap you across the face
They kick you in the gut
Knock you to your knees
Leave you gasping for more oxygen
The only way to survive
in a city full of words and pain
is to take your voice
and weave soft fabrics into it
Stuff it full of sun-soaked clouds
and add a few burrs to make it stick
Wrap a rope around it, easy grip
for something to hold on to
Then sing out loud
Pull the letters, strung together;
Twinkling Christmas lights,
pull them from your throat
And toss them across the pavement
String them over windows
And wrap them around staple-ridden light poles
Then dump what's left into a bucket
and fill the spaces in with liquid gold
instead of boiling blood
And pour it all over your head
So you can shine bright and be seen
Then sing, messenger bird, sing
And show the city the light of hope.

******, love,
you torture me!
You take my heart and wrap it in the softest blanket
And as I start to feel safe
You suddenly whip out the dagger that as behind your back
and ram it through my chest
You rip my heart to shreds
And the blood stains my soul.

And then you take the one I love
and torture him, too!
I have to watch his agony, I'll drown in his tears
You leave him feeling hopeless and lost,
so that he doesn't want to stay.

Love, you are truly an eternal flame;
you warm and nurture or burn and torture
You cannot be controlled
You have cursed us, haven't you?
Cursed us with your fiery gift
While giving us hope you also opened us
to pain.
Love,
you are the greatest of treasures
and the most painful of tortures.
You can bring life,
But you can inspire a death

Oh! Love, I could go on all day
It is endless how I can say
That I depise you, love,
but at the same time adore you.

My fear is endless,
No place is safe.
Technology and supreme warfare is safety
But too much safety is dangerous
Everything is threatened at every single second
I feel it
I feel the tension
I feel the rubber band stretching thin
Don't break, please, don't break
I walk down the sidewalk of a campus that should be be safe but I feel endangered and exposed and I know that
Anyone could be watching
Anyone could be waiting
Anything could be looming about to pounce and tear serenity to pieces

I just want to feel safe again, not like even the tiniest move could **** me.

Lingering in the arms of my love,
Ears ringing from the noise of youth,
I realize how much I secretly yearn
for the solitude of the week-end.

I'm shivering and shaking,
and I don't know if I'm breathing
My heart is pounding against my ribs
I swear, I am about to break down and cry
Oh, god, the fear,
Oh, god, the torment
Why was I cursed with such anxiety?

I feel the cold waves lapping at my feet,
whispering dark words in the night -
The waves are slowly rising to drown my soul again.
The cold will leave me numb,
and the drowning will leave my lungs on fire.
It won’t be long before I’m sinking again.

Everything hurts, but
I have no bruises,
no leaking wounds.
The torment
lies
inside,
a persistent infection.
It grew bored
of letting me hide,
and the tide has dragged me
so
far
down.
I almost feel like
this time,
I might really drown.

Here I am, startled
by the silence of the night
Disturbed by the quiet
caused by lack of morning light
But it's peaceful, too,
the soft and quiet dark
The fog absorbs my dreams.

Who? Who's there?
I cannot see you
through the fog that surrounds me
What? What is there?
I cannot see it
through the fog that surrounds me

Please, I must ask
that you leave me be;
Let me catch my beauty sleep.

A swell of golden fire
Burning in my heart
Shimmering through my capillaries,
Burning in my veins
It grows to set my soul on fire;
It burns to make me weep
Tears of sun, blindingly warm and sweet
Like honey on your tongue
Whenever our lips meet.

Shooting stars
Toss themselves out of the sky
Just to burn.
Tired of watching everyone below
Scream and cry and bleed
It’s torture to watch these people, all in pain,
Unable to do anything about it, so
Shooting stars toss themselves out of the sky
Because they’d rather burn.

I think my emotions are broken
Nothing I feel seems to be correct anymore
I don't love when I should, I don't cry when I should
Am I dying? Dead? How could I know, there's nothing to indicate
because my heart beats fast at the wrong **** time
The happy pops through when everyone else needs to cry
I'm not sure why I'm so calm as you cry
Am I broken? I'm not whole
It's time to find my soul.

I wanna feel the flames
Feel the fire in my face
I wanna scream so the world can see
that I’m ready to break free and breathe
Let me take back my power
Let me walk across the flames
Test my heart and test my soul
to cleanse me of my regrets
I can see the future
See it dark and clean
I can see what we can be
I can see us all being free
We live in a world of imprisonment
Live in a world that is far from clean
We’ve blinded ourselves to the true meaning
Of living as a human being

Stoke the fires
Build the flames
We will make sure you remember our names
‘Cause I know I’m not the only one who’s tired
Of playing all these stupid games
I know I’m not the only one who’s sick
Of seeing so much pain for no gain
Our scream rise above the flames
Rise into the star-studded sky
To be heard for worlds around
We’re not backing down,
we’re not silent.

The clock ticks down
and their time grows short;
he is desperate to hold her
until the very last millisecond.

Don't.
Please, don't.
Don't let yourself cry.
Don't let the tears fall
when there are people watching.
You may be invisible to them,
but if you cry, they will notice
And remember you for being weak.
So don't cry,
don't.
Please, don't.
Just wait for the shadows,
wait for the solitude,
wait until you are alone
to cry.

And so it takes my breath away,

yanks it out of my throat

and tosses it to the wind.

  I am left mute,

and when my lips part,

only empty air is able to escape.

  The shadow laughs

at the tears that roll down my face

as I watch my voice drift away

  on the summer breeze.

I try to scream
but no one will listen
All they hear is a buzzing fly
Annoying

I wave my arms
but no one will look
All they see is a dull moth
Meaningless

I stand and dance
but no one will watch
All they look at is a glowing screen
Distracting

I write my words
and make them read
Because when they read, they see
Me

A trail of shivering sparks is left on my skin.

Nipping at my heels,
the darkness follows me
Threatening to tear me to pieces
I toss my emotions to the wolves
and let myself go numb
I am machine, not human,
unnatural thing
And nothing can spike feeling back into my chest
Tonight, let me lie
unaware
Let me lie in the numbness
Let me lie without pain
Because my yearning for blood will bring me no gain
I cannot free myself
with rivulets of red
I cannot wake myself
with memories of love-woven hours
I cannot be myself
Because tonight I am empty.

I think I am floating
just above my head
I am not in my body,
nor am I dead
I'm just a little bit
disconnected
Is it normal, is it right?
Should I know the power of mind-flight?
I am not properly attached to the world
Reality is losing its grip on me.

I don't know if I'm happy or I'm sad,
Or maybe even mad
It's possible that I'm insane
Somewhat broken in the brain
I'm crying inside
But keep a smile on my face
Because I don't want anybody to know
Who I really am
I don't want my lost love to know
That I'm falling apart and I'm fixing myself
The pieces are crooked and not quite right
I fall apart again every single night
But my skin is made of steel,
I have a heart of gold and diamonds
I will always shine no matter if life drops me in the mud.
I can be in the deepest pit, and you'd still see me shine
Because my love is strong and my faith is right:
I believe not in the invisible ruler
But in myself - I have the strength to do it,
Anything.
So yes, I'm broken, yes, I'm bent
But no matter how long I have to cry and vent,
Someday I will rise and fly
Like the prettiest songbird in the sky
With my love by my side and my kin nearby
I will fly, I will fly, and I'll keep shining
No matter what life brings my way.

Ah, you're warm and safe,
yet distant, a little bit cold
It'll take some getting used to,
but I'm willing to try.

By the time you read this, I will be dead.
I will have grown tired of the light,
and my soul will have fled.
It was time for me to join eternal night.

By the time you read this, I will be dead.
I ask that you shed no tears
when you see me in my bed
Young and sad, full of so many more years.

By the time you read this, I will be dead.
Remember my smile, let it warm your heart.
I know that you never thought of me without dread
I promise you that we will never truly part.

By the time you read this, I will be dead.
I have gone on a journey to the beyond
I will find an after now that soul's light has left my head.
I hope to see you again, and that you never forget our bond

See the paint
dripping down the wall
Watch it as it falls
to stain us all
Red-streaked fingers
and mercury shining eyes
Eyes staining the sky
Silver and gold
to make new friends
But will you keep the old?
Or just ball them up
anicent poems in a torn-up notebook
toss it onto the pile of wood
Toss the lit match, watch it burn
Gold flames melt the silver down
until it dissolves
and is gone
Blackbird swoops down
and the tip of his wing
whispers to the fire
“Ignite me, I beg you;
your golden flames are just so beautiful.”
The shrill scream of the blackbird
pierces the sky
And makes the clouds cry tears of
clear sorrow and bitter sympathy

Standing below, face tilted up,
a little girl pokes her tongue
through her teeth
She can taste the sorrow and sympathy
And she can taste the fear
She can taste a world of pain
just in one single tear.

Spider weave their webs over my eyes
to hide the once-bright green inside
To cloak my brain in agony
To shield me from the sunlight

I lift my coat-hanger limbs
And dance with darkness
I let the demons drink my blood
I let the ghosts take naps in my gold-straw hair

Ah, I am a ghost, too
Ah, well I should be
But, ah, a little secret saved me
A fairy tale turned true

A knight saved the princess
From her dusty dark dungeon
He kissed her and woke up her gravestone heart
And she realized the magic of a smile

But even as they journeyed on,
They danced and kissed their way forward,
The shadows danced with them,
The ghosts stole me away from him

Don’t take me away from him
Don’t take him away from me
Don’t let him turn away from me
Don’t make me dumb enough to turn away from him

I’m just another ghost girl gray,
Eyes cloaked in spider-thread
Limbs outlined in paper and streaked with blood
I dance with my demons,

Even as I believe in love.

i gotta type something
but i don't know what to write
my mind is fading
fading into the night
i'm about to shut down
about to lose control
so when the world starts spinning
just let me lose my hold
i am not in reality
i have gone away
into a place without mortality

Simultaneously light and heavy,

I cut all the chains but one;

A gleaming stretch of diamond links

Binds my heart to his.

This is the only chain I will not cut,

For it is not only impossible,

Made of hard iridescent diamond,

But it is also an unseen desire;

I do not wish to cut this last chain,

And I swear that I never will.

Let our whispers,
our laughter and our screams,
the sounds of love, of desire and pleasure;
Let the sounds of us stain the sky -
I think we can brighten the stars with our love.

Let me take you
into my thoughts,
but I'll warn you only once:
This is dangerous territory,
full of bombs and blood.
Your heart might break a little,
your eyes well with tears,
but don't fear -
I won't let the enemy touch you.

Now, let's start at the home base:
Here you see a little me, hungry and alone.
Not a starving child on the side of the road,
but simply a girl craving attention.
A child sits here, playing with her crayons
and dreaming of more magical things.
She's scared, though,
because there are explosions outside,
and bad men banging on her door,
trying to take her away
and break her.

Moving on to the battlefield,
where the light fights with the dark.
Now, I know that seems cliche,
but it's true -
You can see my happiness in white and gold,
struggling to cut down the gruesome beasts on the other side.
Everything I have to live for
is up against everything that tells me to die.
Quick, get away! The creatures have spotted us!

Okay, we're safe for now.
No, really, we're safe...I promise.
This is my happy place.
Another cliche, I know.
Look around:
It's warm and sunny and full of lilac trees,
and there's a library over there, full of my favorite books.
There are quite a few cats strolling around,
free for the petting.
See? Happy place.
We don't have time to enjoy it,
unfortunately.
We're almost at the most important place here.

My heart.
It's very warm in here, I know.
See all those little golden lights?
Those are all the things that I love, and love me back.
They keep me warm and happy,
even when the dark creatures win a battle.
These are the things that give my protectors strength,
so that they don't lose the war.
They give me hope and comfort when I am curled up
deep in the depths of my mind.
I won't take you there, to the dungeon,
for I am the only one able to enter.
Me, and these little gold lights.

So, now you know what's in here,
what hides inside my skull.
I hope this tour didn't frighten you too much,
I hope you won't run away.

You see, I showed you this because
I have been fighting alone,
and I've grown weary.
I need a helping hand,
someone to support me when I lose my will.
So I hope that you'll stay
Don't say anything,
just stay.

I know you said
it wasn't for the same reasons as me
But knowing that you drew your own blood
still scares me.

I wish

I could tear open my chest

and reveal my pain

for the world to see.



I wish

I could rip my soul to shreds

and put each piece in a bottle

for the ocean to carry away from me.



I wish

I could detonate an explosive

inside my head

to expel the screaming demons inside.



I wish

I could run from the light

and merge with the dark

so nobody can find me.



I wish

I could scream forever

until I explode

and free myself from this torment.



I wish

I could learn

how to see the sun again.

Take me back
to the fair,
To the magic and joy
Take me back
To pink swirls of candy cotton
And fresh-squeezed lemonade
Take me back
To giant teddy bears
And dusty neon balloons
Take me back
To the top of the Ferris wheel
And the top of the world
Take me back
To carefree happiness,
This old surreal world.

I want to scream

in your face

so that you

have no choice

except

to hear me

acknowledge me



I want to tear myself apart

so you can look inside me

and you can see

everything

that is wrong

with me



I want to jump

and fall

away

into a

never-ending

oblivion

You will lose me

When she suddenly finds herself
shell-shocked,
With fragments of exploded lies staining her face,
all she can think about
is how much tighter she must hold on
to him
Even as the universe tries to pull her away.

One moment,
he is real
Fresh in her mind
as her mother drives her farther
and farther away
from him.
The next moment(day),
He is a memory(no, he's a dream)
And she is suddenly
THAT GIRL
again;
Hollow-eyed
rib cage
and upside-down smile
She is suddenly
NOT HERSELF
AND SHE IS HERSELF
SHE DOES NOT KNOW

WHO IS SHE
WHEN SHE DOES NOT SEE
HIM?

silent ghost girl
drifting
waiting

She will only come alive again
when she knows that she will see
his face.
But until then,
ghost girl
drifting
is left with memories(DREAMS)
She is left alone with her old self.

I swear
I'm already breathing in your scent again,
I know that you're there
But it's still just a dream
I know
I've already hugged you to death
thirteen million times
But it's still just a dream

I think
Our lips have finally met after 12 long days
and I've melted into you
But it's still just a dream

I could have sworn
I heard your voice, seen your face, mahogany eyes
Held your hand tight in mine
But it was all a dream

Reality is coming soon
Just a couple of hours of
anticipation remain
Before dreams will come true

Just a couple of spins
of the clock's iron arrow
Then I will see you again
And it won't be just a dream

Every hug will be true
Every kiss a granted wish
And I'll pinch us both
To promise that we're awake

Just a couple of hours, love
Our fingertips are about to touch
So breathe, just breathe
Today we meet again.

It’s inevitable,
Undeniable:
I am shrinking, fading, falling away
Reality moves farther from my grasp
Every day
I can’t help but feel
Disconnected
Is this depression? Is it anxiety?
Is it an ailment that has caught me by surprise?
I cannot say that I know
What it is that’s wrong with me
But it is odd, and frightening,
This week I’m fine and calm and okay,
Next week I’m a bouncing ball of buzzing anxiety;
Watch out! I might zap you with this electric energy
That has filled me to the brim
I don’t want to name disorders anymore
Because I tend to falsely diagnose
But I need to figure this out
I have to figure this out
I have to learn the name of my enemy
Before it squashes me completely
And wipes me off the face of existence.

BLOCK
my thoughts
FREEZE
my ink
STOP
my brain
so I can’t think
WRITER’S BLOCK