I ran for the things
Which gave me no peace
Surrounded my soul
With the coal
Suffocating it
Then I complained
Why I’m so cold

I ran for the love
Which was poisonous
I laid down there
With the cold air
Of the night
When the air was out my lungs
I couldn’t find
why I was out of my mind

I went crazy
For my body to be perfect
Each and every imperfection
Was like crippling depression
Which drove me crazy
To the point of aggression
Then I complained why I’m not happy

Each and every destructive path I took happily
Turned me into a psychopath
That was dead already
When the flesh started to rot
The screams went unheard
My soul whispered softly
“You should have taken care of me”
And now it was too late
I was already dead.

Slowly and silently
you slipped out of my conversations
Nights which were once
soaked by tears you gave me
in return of my love
Are peaceful now

I don’t remember you
when I stroll down the memory lanes
the places where
we promised each other forever
You made the moments
that were so precious
Open to every other souls right there
Blamed me of breaking your heart
Chaos around me
But I learned how to make peace with them

Turns out that
My heart doesn’t hurt anymore
When your name is mentioned
I don’t feel the butterflies in my stomach
When I see your smile

I only remember you
When I’m hating myself
Your words like gasoline to my thoughts
You’re only here in my mind
Burning my sanity
When I’m drowning in liquor.

I couldn’t say the last goodbye

I hope he knows, how much I love him.

I have had dreams
Of us
Leaving all these struggles behind
Just you and me
In our own place
Dancing and laughing
In our own world
Where we don’t have these ugly masks
Covering our love
There is no monster
In between us
Nor inside us
Only the love we have
Where you love me with all you have.

Some dreams come true.
Some are just the longings
Of the heart.
You are the longing of my heart.
Dreams about you
will never come true.

I was two when he passed away.
I don’t remember his face
The photos are fading away.
Just like him.
I’d give anything to have
Even one moment with him.
And remember it forever.

I miss you, Abbu (dad).

I cannot be with him
Nor I can leave him
The mere thought of not being able to talk to him
Hurts my heart
I feel this pain
A grave loss
But I must be brave
Because at the end of the pain
Is freedom.

You sat there
Wearing all black
In the dark
Where your soul
Could disappear
There is no light around you
The one I thought
I saw
When I saw your eyes
The light  has left
And left a black hole
Whenever I look into them
I cannot find the hope

Grey smoke all around you
The cigarette
Between your lips
You take a deep breath
inhaling all the nicotine
As you look at the sky
And let out a sigh
As you belittle my love
As you wish
For the hundredth time
Tell me
Is that your happy place
Where you lie
All alone?

I tried to hold your hand
Pull you out
Even if it took my soul out
You did hold my hand
Just to pull me in
And leave me there
For all the other hands around

As they surround you
Do you feel peace
Or the suffocation is finally getting
To your evil mind
How does it feel
Not to have a hand that will love you

I'm falling down
You watch me from there
I have a throbbing pain
In my heart
From your lies and betrayal
As my eyes
Meet you lifeless ones

Why do I see a demon

Or were you always
The demon?