My tears are laced with sorrow
Making puddles that I'll fall in tomorrow
And I'll forget the love and joy
That I once borrowed
I've given it back
Without realizing that
The pain and hurt I use to fill my coffee
Just makes every sip all the more bitter
But with every drink I pour,
I lose another day of life
So I use my tears as creamer
And your words, jokes and humor
As the sugar
Yet nothing gets sweeter
And **I'll die all the more sooner

Live* so much,
     that you scare death away.

I don't know
It's fine
No it's not fine
I'm not fine
No I'm okay
This doesn't even make any f!cking sense
I don't know
Why am I feeling like this
I need a distraction
I NEED A F!CKING DISTRACTION
why am I yelling
I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm (not) okay
Whatever
Someone stop me from texting him
Before I make an even bigger pathetic ***** of myself
I feel like an emotion-****
That doesn't even make sense
I think I need to find something else to get my mind off him
I think I need to find someone else to get my mind off him
I don't care whatever
Except that I do
Don't let me text him
PLEASE stop me from texting him
My mind is driving me insane
I give up.
No, I can't give up.
I'm going to stop
I won't text him
I think.

Tedious
Half-Baked
Egotistical
Erreneous

Assin­ine
Ridiculius
Troll
Inarticulate
SUBPAR
Tast­eless
Execrable

Laughable
Obnoxious
Grotesque
­Hopeless
Amateurish
Incompetent
Narcissistic

C­ounterfeit
Abominable
Reprehensible
Vainglorious
O­dious

Nobody answers the phone when I call,
When I message, they look and walk away.
Nobody takes time to ponder,
Nobody takes time to think.
They don't answer,
They don't realize how easy it could be.

What if that girl you just ignored needed someone to talk her down from her ledge?
What if that call you just declined was one that could have saved a life?
What if that kid who always messages you does it because he deluded himself into thinking that someone actually cares?

"It's not my problem."
"They'll be okay."
"I was just really busy that day."
Is this justification?
Or lies you tell yourself over and over to hide the fact that you threw them away?

It's simple really,
Don't be a *****.

"I love you dearly..."
You spoke those four words to me countless times,
like a mother should
but a mother also should notice
the harsh words that follow
that feel like a bullet her daughter's chest.
"You're tearing this family apart."
"Maybe you should have killed yourself."
"You're going to ruin Christmas."
"Nothing is wrong with you."
And how do you not notice the added bracelets?
Or see how a light's always on in my room in
the crazy hours of the night when you're  
creeping around for another swallow of pills?
Or how I lock my door when I go to a
friend's house so you don't go in there?
You told me you wanted to jump in front of a car.
A train.
Overdose.
You say we don't care.
Is that why you treat me this way?
I'm numb now, Mom.
I feel nothing.
You've done it again.
I thought it was over,
when I just started to trust you.
But now?
Now I don't trust you.
Or anybody.