I am losing you,
I am losing her,
I am losing him,
Where am I?
Lost in an unknown world,
Trapped in my own world.

I lost you
I lost her
I lost him,
Where am I?
Stranger, stranger, stranger,
So familiar yet so strange,
I am lost in my own world,
A world I created my own.

I've lost you,
I've lost her,
I've lost him,
I am sorry,
For what I am a sinner.

I want to tell you
What’s in my head
This entire other world
The constant droning of voices
The screaming and thrashing within

But if I did
If I did...

You’d never look at me the same
I’d be broken to you
Damaged

I know that I am...
But I just...
I can’t let you see me like that

He doesn't burn photographs
He doesn't join therapy sessions
He doesn't smoke too many cigarettes
Nor he drown himself into alcohol
He scratches his wounds daily
And never let them heal
He doesn't try to get rid of the pain
Instead he let it grow on him
He waters the seed of sorrow with his tears
He feeds it with the manure of old memories
He takes it to sleep with him
And nurtures it in himself
Till the moment when every single drop of his blood gets replaced by this pain
Until his fragile heart can bear no more
And his soul starts overflowing with emotions
That's when he dip his pen into this pain
And empty his heart on a piece of paper
He bares his soul for us to feel
He creates poetry that the world would cherish for centuries to come

A mad flight
and rickety descent

down the back of a
beast

that clanks
and flakes rust from under

our feet
and as always the case

success usually comes

by the skin of our  
teeth

Whit Howland © 2020