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M Jun 2023
As I walked down the bridge between masada street and balfour
I saw you pass by,
the gurl who i met
a month ago ,
who I thought was the cutest
chick,
who told me she was from germany
and I gleefuly replied
my great grandparents lived there ,before the war.

As we were talking
I realized her boyfriend had been flirting with me the past two weeks or so,
without ever telling me that he was taken,
which angered me so, I  felt like the world closed in on me.

she bought me a beer we had our laughs
than she left me there tipsy, with my drink in  hand
to run off with her boy toy of a boyfriend ,
in a crowd filled with  people...
the next day she messeged me sayin'
do you wanna hange out?
I said nope I won't hang out with a btch
who leaves me drunk and alone in a crowd full of noise angst and chaous,
and as I saw you today
all I can think of is that,
and a friendship that could've been
but thank god it just wasn't .
M Jun 2023
its like discovering myself
for the first time
through words
through putting lotions on my body
for the first time
for taking care of my hair
my face
my body
for allowing myself
to eat without restriction
to allow myself to laugh
at taboo subjects
and to howl at the religion and the life that I came from
while reminiscing on the good
that was amongst the bad the hard and the painful.
M Jun 2023
it just feels sickening and painful
to remember a childhood so painful
that when I remember it
it feels choking to even think about
its like when i talk to my therapist
i can even feel her recoil almost.
M Jun 2023
honestly i don't give a f if its controversial
why can't people actually think for themselves anymore?!

I feel so fed up and so angry inside,
maybe to others they think,
why does she care so much ?!
because I was harmed by this ideology
of gender,
of telling me that I am not a women,
of dictating to me who I must be ,
of what labels and what pronouns I should carry ,
that it no longer feels safe to me to be in my own community.

Of brainwashing so many others
no what we need is a more loving society
where women can be loud
without being labled as masculine or non binary
where men can be emotional without being labled as gay
can't you see its just mysogony in another form?

gender ideology
thinks its making strides ,
when its really just erasing women more,
and allowing people to steep more into their self hatred
instead of allowing others to be humans
without giving them labels,
to allow those who struggle with dysphoria
to learn how to love themselves
to sit with their pain ,
to ask why do I feel this way??
what has caused me so much pain to make me hate my gender that I was born into?

For me I realized
I experienced so much violence  by men
that it made me hate being a women in many ways,
I wanted to feel strong
I wanted to feel that my voice mattered
so I thought, sometimes I wanna be a man ,
but after thinking more and more I realized
that isn't the truth,
its that the world doesn't feel safe to me
to be a curvy outspoken women ,
who is loud passionate and blunt.
to feel and recoil inside
when the creepy men stare at me
like I'm a  **** -*** doll on wheels ,
I just wanna scream
from the rooftops
I AM A WOMEN,
Allow me to be FREE!

I left religion because it caged me in a box
and now i see that ideologies are the same.
I encourage you to think for yourself,
despite the cancel culture.
for only then can we know,
who isn't a robot
and who is a human.
Humans have their own thoughts,
robots don't question anything.
so start to question.
me questioning gender ideology and mysgony
M Jun 2023
I'm starting to remember
that despite
so so very much pain in my life,
and so much utter rejection and bullying.

I have met men and some women
who really did accept me
and love me for who I am ,
who appreciated me
who saw me for who I truly was ,
and I remember that,

instead of blaming others for pain ,
we take personal responsiblity
and realize it takes two to tango!
M Jun 2023
I feel like most people
really don't understand me.
It feels really hard
most people drain me
most places drain me
It feels hard to be alive
most of the time
because I feel like
I'm from a different planet earth.
I feel like my soul is not from here,
I care about things that most
don't care about.
I feel at peace with sci fi
which  I definitly believe
is real
in other realities...
I believe in spirituality
not as a fantasy ,but as reality
when people pollute the earth
and I see it in real life,
It feels like my soul is crying inside.
I love animals especially cats,
I feel that they understand me and see my pain
without words,just a knowing.
I feel like everything is art
good and bad.
I feel traumatized
from everyone and everything.
I just feel like an alien
I don't know how to be human,
most of the time.

I just wanna feed  the animals& sing to them
grow my children to love themselves
fully &truly.

I would just love to meet people
who truly see me,
who don't wanna use me ,
or see me as a threat or competition
because of the way that I look.

I just feel tired
just so tired,
no matter how much I sleep.
I feel tired of this reality,
I wish I could escape!
an older poem
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