The stars fell to the Earth,
And I found You,
You were covered in dirt,
You were all blue,
Covered in hurt,
Etched in like a tattoo,
I saw the World,
Through your view,
And then I changed,
I had a breakthrough,
No longer Alone,
I always have you

Breaking up.
The words still flashing before my eyes,
Days after you’ve said them.
I take another scoop of ice cream,
Trying to swallow down the lump in my throat.
I’m okay, I’m okay.
I see her hands in yours,
I’m not okay.
I cry, and cry and cry. Till it’s all out.
I think I feel better now,
Crying makes everything better.
I get a message from you
I still love you, even if it isn’t the same
But the words morph into
You’re still being friend zoned.
I sigh, refusing to cry again.
Closing my eyes and the darkness is blurred with images of you,
Of us,
Of *happiness.
Then my heart starts to ache again
My eyes snap wide open.
I won’t allow myself to go there again.
I take an elastic band and set to punish myself if I thought of you again.
One day,
Snap.
Two days,
Snap, snap
Three days,
Triple snap.
I think I’m bleeding
And it’s not just my heart.
So I switch to binge watching
While binge eating.
This feels better already
Then the couple on TV decide to kiss,
I hate TV.
I switch to talking.
Moaning,
Complaining,
Crying,
Venting,
Pitying.
Everythi­ng till I’m done feeling sorry for myself.
I stand up straighter and take a deep breath.
Then I get another message from you
You’re the greatest friend ever*
Sigh. I slump back
I hate you.
I’m not talking to you again.
That’s hard
So I drink.
Downing all my sorrows and problems with each shot.
Is it really that difficult to get over a breakup?
I mean, I’ve done it before, so I can do it again
Right?
Well, before him you weren’t in love.
******.
Another shot.
And then I’m done feeling groggy.
Done feeling helpless,
Hopeless,
Useless,
Love-less.
Who needs a man anyway?
I’m fine on my own.
So I smile.
I Laugh,
Have fun till the happiness inside me bursts out.
This feels good.*
The skies seem bluer and the grass feels greener.
I feel incredible.
And then,
Flashbacks.
Kissing,
Smiling,
Holding my hand,
The way you’re looking at me.
Oh great.
*Now I have to start again.

My heart hammered in my chest,
Petrified, my vision was blurry
My body was shaking
From the reality before me.

His sharp teeth and pale lips
Pulled back into a hideous smirk,
His hollowed eyes
Filled to the brim with hunger
And his breath
Foul with every death
He had devoured.

My throat, constricted with
Anxiety
And my stomach
Screamed with uneasiness.

My living nightmare
Worse than I had ever imagined,
Feeding off of any hope left inside of me.

I could taste the bitter flavor of dread
Replacing any bit of courage inside of me.

I struggled to find air,
Terror gnawed at my heart
As he prowled closer.

I closed my eyes
Praying to whoever was out there
For a second chance.
Then cursing them
For letting this monster
Haunt me.

Everything I lived for
Would be gone within the next few moments
Tears of anxiety drenched my face
From the thoughts of losing everyone I cared for.

What did I do to deserve this?
Why have I wronged fate?
Why does fate bring this sinister creature to punish me?
Why? Why? Why?

I do not deserve this.
I will not be punished.
I will not let it end here.
I will not accept my fate.

I took in a deep breath
1…2…3

His distorted face so close to mine,
Leering at me.
My heart pounding against my chest
My mind screaming to run
But my eyes,
Stared dead straight into his vacant sockets.

With all the courage I could fathom,
I roared
“You are not me.
You’ll never be”
His stance faltered
My nerves no longer chained around me.
“You can’t control me,
You are not stronger than me.”
My bravery radiated
As he started to saunter back
Fear in his voided eyes.
His figure shrunk with every step.
“You are nothing but a monster,
A beast.
I will not let you define me.”
He fell back and squirmed under my gaze.
“I may fear you,
But that doesn’t mean I won’t fight you.
I will, and I have.
And  I won."

With that, he crawled into the shadows
Where he belonged.
But he always lurked,
Inside my own shadow, attached to me
He was always an unwanted guest.
But he never hurt me.
He knew if I could conquer the beast inside of me
I could conquer anything.

I can. And I will.
Nothing in this entire world can stop me.
*Nothing at all.

Silence- complete absence of sound.

It's funny,
How they think silence,
means you can't hear a thing.

But you can hear silence.

It's so fricking loud.

A clock ticks time by tirelessly
Gears winding like twines of string
With quaint clicking quickly quieting
Until finally time stands still

Broken glass of a smooth clock face
Gears halting in deformity
Glistening shards like the sands of time
Ceasing in their downward flight

A once beating ticking heart of life
Now is lost within a sleepless night
Once a momentum to continued light
Now falls to the ringing silence's might

Time broken into shattered deaths
Until there is simply nothing left

A silence with you
Is not
a silence

But a moment rich
with peace

Love isn't blind,
blind are those,
who never loved.