I feel a chill run through my body
Knowing that it's you.
My heart skips, flutters, turns
Because we both know what to do.

Our eyes settle locked tight
Gazing straight ahead
Your warming hands melt my skin
And send me down to bed.

All stretched out, you see it now
Before your very eyes
Pure, untouched but beaten down
But to only you, a surprise.

What was untouched by human hands
Was touched by sharpened blades
Cannot be healed in this short time
For that's not how they're made.

But now look past the broken surface
That mended back to one
And see what lies within the depths
That hasn't been undone.

On the outside it looks like I'm doing better.
But I think it's on the inside too.
It feels like months since I hurt myself
Though it's only been a few.

This has been so easy
I'm almost scared to ask.
Did I really get over it?
Or is the hurting masked...

I'm feeling more confident
No more cuts for me
But last time I slipped up again
What will this time be?

Can't bring myself to give it up
The knife that I have hidden
Afraid to touch the hard steel blade
Control is overridden

For now it's good and I'm content
No more hurt, suffering, or torment.

I've done a few things in my day that I don't talk about.
But when my fingers hit the keys all the confessions spill out.

No way I'm perfect, not even close
Always I fall short
I'm a sinner and my sins our Savior will abort.

I break rules and use foul words
That I'm not supposed to know.
But I ask for grace and love
Only God can show.

When I'm hurting, when I'm sad
I have a place to turn
For I can pray for help and love
When evil fires burn.

If you creep into my lair
No treasures will you find
Instead, a book just sitting there
With a weathered broken bind.

Softly run your hands over my cover
Feel my hard rough back
See my pages one after another
Untouched and thrown off track.

Flip me over
Read my words and never put me down
Turn each page and wonder
What more can be found.

Sink deeper into my warming heart
And take time to read with care
Be gentle, please don't tear me apart
Because I showed you everywhere.

Get lost between all my chapters
And don't stop until we're done
We may not have happily ever afters
But you're my only one.

Constantly hurting both outside and in.
Nothing is worth it
How long has it been?

Now sleeping and eating come with a price
No more peace, just endless nights.

Tired of barely living at all.
Pain always lingers
I hear its call.

Not always worth it
I can't get  a break.
If this is a dream,
I'm ready to wake.

The stream that once flowed so freely and clear.
Is drying up at last.
The song it sang for all to hear.
Is but a sound of the past.

Blocked to all the listening souls
It tries to plow on through.
Beating, splashing, forcing hard, but nothing left to do.

Longing for the perfect storm
Where rain clouds congregate.
Each little drop adding up is something to appreciate.

Why don't I ever hide my scars,
A symbol of the past.
Maybe I should let it go,
But nothing fades that fast.

Sometimes darker,
Sometimes faint.
Sometimes a helpful, reminder
Or restraint.

I don't regret
I'm not ashamed
I did what I did
To decrease my pain.

And now it's there
Watching me
As a subtle warning
Of what could be.