I tried strumming the strings of a broken guitar,
I tried rebuilding a city back up from its ruins,
I tried singing the words of a distant lullaby,
But had I known once a rose has tipped its head
Watering it would become useless;
I would've left our love's broken pieces
For the wind to come and sweep away.

You bring to my life
The most joy I've ever felt
But you take from my soul
The only love I ever knew

Why must you be so kind to me
So loving and caring
But then turn around and make me feel
Like I am nothing compared to you

Is this how I'm supposed to live
One day feeling great and the next terrible
Is this what love is always like
One day on fire and the next burning down

I just want us back to how we were
Laughing and loving and inseparable
But now as I look at you from across the room
I know that it can never be again what it once was

She shimmers in front of me, translucent.
Waiting.
Waiting for me to step inside.
I do.
I always do.
She animates and we walk through life.
We put away the dishes and put away our words
When Mom asks for another favor or Sister gets mad for no reason.
We give hugs and she feels the love course through her.
I don’t.
I’m buried inside.
We go to sleep at 12:30, then I get up and go to school.

A new girl shimmers in front of me, translucent and waiting
Waiting for me to step inside.
I always do.
She animates and we walk through life.
We do our work, always on time, and, always on time
The bells ring and we drift through the halls.
We laugh with friends and she feels satisfied. She fits in.
I don’t.
I’m buried inside.
We are free of school at 12:50, but she never leaves.

I jump from girl to girl, role to role-
The loving daughter and sister, the A+ student, the stable friend,
The peacemaker, the easygoing giver, the girl who wants to go into medicine,
The happiest, most smiley girl you’ll ever meet,
The girl that everyone else needs me to be.

I can live like this.
Someone always needs to give.

But I still wonder what it would be like to experience life-
And not just by sitting on a window sill, with a laptop on my knees-
I wonder what it would be like to experience life for myself
And not for everyone else.

i feel so small
when i'm on my own,
when i'm falling apart,
when i'm melting down.
it's terrible.                                i feel so small
                                                   when i'm with you,
                                                   when you hold me together,
                                                   when i melt into your arms.
                                                   it's wonderful.