empty seas

Dec 2018

Tones

monsters

Under the bed
I leave each mistake
and I think about them
as I lie awake

#short #rhyming

empty seas Dec 2018

yet another setback on being comfortable with what i wear

i can’t handle
public shaming
it’s my weakness
my paranoia
justified

i felt hot all over
my eyes filled with tears
and i tried
not to cry
as 40 people stared

someone i admire
hurt me
made fun of me
in front of people
i like
and i couldn’t
handle it
i’m too weak
to handle it

so
when class was over
i walked out
and cried

Public shaming makes me so paranoid about what people think and it makes me so upset. I haven’t had a good past few days and this made it so much worse. I can’t go home and change out of the clothes that I was made fun of for and I’m so anxious and hurt.

#paranoid #shame #anxiety #cry

empty seas Dec 2018

it’s been months since i last allowed myself to cry

my body was cold and hot
my hands shook
and as tears began to well up in my eyes
i could only think
why did this take so long

but in the end
only a few tears fell
and i was left
the same

#anxiety #crying #tears

empty seas Dec 2018

do you miss my presence so much you’ve created a version of me with your lies?

everything is heavy
it hurts to move
it hurts to breathe
i just want this
pain to end
this drama
i’m sick of worrying
whether or not people
think i’m a monster
i just want to be left alone
god, please
just leave me alone

once i leave,
i don’t want to come back

#anxiety #pain #drama

empty seas Dec 2018

“i love you” doesn’t mean anything when no one really cares

i don’t think anyone loves me anymore
everything i say and do
feels muted
like if no one notices it
it starts to not exist at all

i have so many things
i want to talk about
its been so long
since i’ve been someone’s best friend
i don’t remember the last time
someone invited me to hang out
without me asking

i miss the days
when my best friends and i
would curl up on a couch or bed
and watch Netflix
that hasn’t happened in a long time

i just feel so lonely
i’m wrapped up in my own head
and everyday i want to leave more
this town has shown me the depths
of loneliness
and i want to abandon it
just run
and not come back

i have so many secrets to share
but no one wants to listen

#lonely #friends #alone #sad

empty seas Dec 2018

sickness #4

it took me a while to realize
this isn’t normal
most people don’t wake up
feeling sick
they don’t have to plan when to eat
to avoid throwing up

i avoided help for so long
because i could handle the pain
but i spent so many days
huddled in a ball trying to keep my guts
from liquidating
i guess i still avoid help
because this constant
day-in-day-out pain
seems like it’ll never end

#sickness #anxiety