Are you a key board warrior?

If so, how many keys are still left

on the key board?

My body is decaying with the knowledge that I can’t make it in the world
I wake up after a good twelve hours, aching and weak my only thought, you
I hear your voice in my head drilling me to walk up the stairs again
You tell me every day that you complete me that without you I’d be nothing more but the girl who was miserable with her body
The fat sausage finger girl who couldn’t fit in size twelve jeans
But with you, my dear Ana you’ve helped me drop 30 pounds in four months
I’m in love with you ana, you and your best friend Mia
I am a gray sky, and you are my storm
Lighting and thunder, my stomach roars but I can only hear your voice urging me forward
I eat at home, I take long walks alone
I have a notebook full of excuses that sleep under my bed
My room is a disaster, plates, and cups galore
I am disgusting, I’m hoping that when I reach my goal all of my flaws will fall away
I will be exactly like the pretty, skinny girls I see all around me
I’m cold all the time, it reminds me of when I got locked out in the middle of winter
I walked miles going forward seemingly nowhere
My coat taut fastened across my thin chest
But I was shivering, the unknown frightened me
But now I know where I’m going
You lead me with your deathly bone-thin hand
Outstretched arms you pull me in
My monstrous overgrowth devouring you
You squeeze me until all of the fat melts away
Until I am skinny
Until I am bone
Until I am nothing

She sat alone.
Alone and at home.
Where her screams were silent,
But her mind was violent.
Her insecurities hid deep inside.
And they indeed, ate her alive.
A tear rolled down her face
As her heart began to race.
She took her blade and tore her skin,
Where her depression lied deep within.
This went on for days,
Months,
Years,
And until she cried her very last tears.
She decided she had enough,
The world around her was much too tough.
She took a gun to her head.
Congratulations society,
She is dead.

I didn’t need to be strong
I was a child
He knew better
I didn’t know what was going on

He used to tell me that my mother didn’t love me
He used to tell me that no one would ever love me if I didn’t change who I was
The molestation was bad but that was not the worst
He terrorized me for years
I was told I didn’t deserve privacy
That my body was not my own and he had the right to look if he so chooses
He followed me and my mom to groceries stores screaming that we spent too much money
Or he would call her on the phone
We were terrified that he would follow us home
Scream at us, with pitted balled fists
Slamming on kitchen counters
Kicking the door frame until the door won’t shut anymore
Criticizing me until I couldn’t stand it anymore
Calling us stupid, worthless
I’ll never forget the day I ran away on my bike
I could see his truck passing by so I hid from him
Then when I was on my way back he got in my face
Like he was going to push me or hit me
His face was so red and his eyes slanted in fury
He lifted my bike over his head then threw it in the back of his truck
I hurried into the back so he wouldn’t have time to touch me
He screamed at me in the truck
Asking where I was
Demanding an answer
I lied and I hoped he wouldn’t notice
He did everything he could to scare me
Some nights I would hear a car driving past
I would be so scared that it was him
I would stay up the entire night just to make sure it wasn’t him
How do I prove that it was fear
How do I prove to a jury of my peers
That I was afraid he would **** us one day
How do I tell you how scared I was
Why doesn’t my mom believe me about the ****** abuse
She was there!
She knows how my legs would shake as I heard him approach the door
How does she not believe me?
She was scared of him too
She knew about certain things
Not the worst things
But that should have been enough
For her to leave him
How do I prove to my mother that it happened
How do show her how scared I was