Each breath of solitude is an escape from the chaos that is you. Each moment in your presence is like being stuck on the edge of the tide as wave after wave hits me from all directions; battering my body and my spirit.

Your constant demands on my time - my emotions and empathy - exhaust my will and my motivation. I long for the harbor of peace, in the storm that is you.

Yet each time you call out for me; I race willingly to your side. I give you my everything knowing that you will take it without remorse or thankfulness in your heart.

I give you my love in the hope that one day someone on this earth will think me worthy of the same.

29OCT2019

Broken souls make broken skin - a visual confirmation that the pain inside is real.

The sting of the blade dulls the ache of the tears - matching the outside to the inside - a comfort to sanity in a time of tenuous stability.

It’s not about dying. It’s about peace. It’s about remembering the storm you survived and knowing you are strong enough to do it again.

I fell in love with your shadows - the pain dripping from your voice.

My darkness calls out to yours - matching scars of trauma long entombed.

I yearn to hold you when you cry out at night. I wake from my nightmares and look for your face.

I have searched my whole life for the understanding I see when you look at me.

Is it justice, then, that I can never be yours?

25OCT2019

I lie beneath the tides and pray for the waves to wash me away. But they do not.

I’m stuck - anchored to the sand by the weight of my sins. My responsibilities are my penance.

I call out for help in my misery but no one can hear. My tears are dissolved; insignificant in the sea of saltwater all around me.

Here is where I will wait- a prison of my own design- the bars forged of loneliness and sorrow; guilt and debt - yearning for the day when you will pull me out to the blissful peace of the deep.

23OCT2019