Like old horror movie slime engulfing an entire city-so she has taken over my mind
She pushes the levers in the space that was once a clean circuit between my heart and brain.
You see I am trapped
For the one I hate the most is fused with the one I love the most.
How do you run from and towards the same thing?
After a while you just stay put.
So here I am tonight stifling my cold hate again.
I know she loves me more, but fear is a powerful thing.
So I will stay because I love my mother more than anything. Maybe even my own dreams.

So what was your first impression?
hesitant sigh
"He was a nice enough guy, seemed genuine it's just..it felt too polite, like he was running a script of all the right things to say. He came off as easygoing but inside it felt like he was on 10  - there was a frenetic energy around his brain you know?..and internal grind..and it's not bad or good it's just
oh sweety he's got some stuff goin on."

I raised my brow and nodded in reluctant agreement.

There's a certain kind of heartache that comes when you glimpse into someone's private suffering. When you have fallen for their act that carries them through the real world. A solid oak turned out to be a scared shaky leaf.

So aching to be in love
You romanticize the few good moments
And turn a blind eye to the red flags.

Gut says no
No, no, no
Save yourself the pain, don't ignore me now.

When I see you
The clouds will part
Shimmering petals will swirl in the air

The look on your face
Will tell how you've adored me since lifetimes before
I'm your favorite
and you are my home.

I'll want to run to you
But slow will be my pace
My gaze
For I know time will stand still for us
To savor our reunion

*We've been homesick so long

My dad kept his eyes on the road, brimmed with tears
and you just gotta beleive,
His voice brittle, fighting not to break.

*That we'll all be together again someday.

I still drift back to one song I heard  years back.
See  
I had me a "come-to-Jesus" moment
When you opened your mouth to sing.
I mean ****
I confess
Since that night I've wanted to get next to you

Tell you about the time I was in the crowd
All ****** and hazy
Then your voice rang out
I sat up in my seat, leaned in
Suddenly awake
and utterly
Stupefied.

I was told once that I lived a former life as a nun
I liked the thought
It rang true in my heart.
But what about this other one that keeps showing up in my dreams?

Where I  smoked virginia slims
Danced nights in a hazy dive bar
Black hair
A luscious mystery

Mainstreet by Bob Seger
That'll take you there.

Oh, and please, I would like if you trusted in me
to discern imagination
From a soul memory

I wanted so badly to uncover a bright clean heart in you
I kept on digging like a mad dog in the dirt

I know it's gotta be here somewhere.
See this is urgent
All I wish for now is to find a glimmer of hope in the dirt
And climb on up to the surface with that treasure in the palm of my hand.

"See! Proof that you want to live to see tomorrow"