Routine

Rou t i n
                 e

I want you so badly

But I am inconsistant

Oh my  pauper darling!

Sewer rat my friend!

Side-walk pennies!

Corner coffee cup!

Garbage truck my love!

You call it insanity!

Haha,

But it’s just poverty!

Shedding my skin again
Dust off my bones
Beginning again

Crawl out of the cocoon
See new light
I will spread my wings soon

Wake from hibernation
Wipe sleep from my eyes
I’m a whole new creation

Crack open the shell
Taste newly fallen rain
It is time I prevail

I was a flame you fed
and burned too brightly;
Until you smothered me to ashes

Sometimes sadness
Embraces me
Like an old friend

I was only a closed door
Of a stable, boring house.
Until I became totally unhinged.
I called that freedom.

Love is a concept
And I am
The artist

My creature comforts
My doubts
My fears
My love for you
All the things
That make me up
Don’t make me up at all
They’re just crutches
I use to soften
All my edges
Because being myself
Is the hardest thing
I’ve ever done

Pour me effortlessly down the drain
As if I were expired milk in the morning
Pour me through your fingers
Let me flow away like slippery
Ribbons down the void
In your kitchen

In the sink

In the ******* kitchen sink

I’ve tired to cultivate
Ways to deteriorate
Without being noticed

Only let someone be a portion
Of your happiness;
Not all of it

I imagined you and her as
The fat swollen slugs
I poured salt on
And watched them
Writhe in agony
A recreation of the agony
You left inside of me

Your jealousy
.
.
.
Is ugly

You left me on the verge
The verge of bursting
Like an overripe fruit,
Swollen; ready
Ready for you to
Take the first bite
Sweet juice ran
From smooth flesh
The first taste
Always exquisite
But you left the fruit
Forgotten in the kitchen
Now hungry flies crawl
Over  bruised skin

My heart a burning gem
You cracked open
Once again
Whilst yours
Smolders within
Her hands

A well kept secret
Is as exciting
As new Spring
Flowers blooming
Fed by a born again sun
After lonely Winters
Cold grasp
Has loosened

You thought yourself master of the chessboard
But now squirm in a maddening panic;
you’ve lost control of your pawns
And I still stand as queen

Your love
Weighs heavy
On my chest
I adore you
my darling,
But it’s getting
Hard to breathe

An uncanny romance
Unraveled like gritty
Twisted twine between
My fumbling fingers

a long drag
of a cigarette
in hopes too
exhale all
of these thoughts
away with the smoke
that leaves my lungs
I don’t know what’s
killing me
the things in my head
or the ******* cigarettes?

I mostly miss
The space
  Where I
Pressed
My face
Into  your
   Sternum
And breathed in
Salty skin
But not the
Way skin is
    Salty
But the way yours  is
Mixed with
Old cologne
and smells
Like home
Your chin
   Hairs rested
On top
Of
       My
               Head
And
            The
One time
You said I was
Your soul
Mate
I felt
Myself leap
Out of my flesh
And savored the
Moment
Now the space
Where my head
Rested
On
         Your
Sternum
Is someone
Else’s favorite
Spot
I wonder how
You smell to them
And if you
Think they are
Your soulmate

You are sweet
Like overripe fruit
Forgotten in my kitchen

Salty skin in the summer
Lips touch under shady trees
Watching busy bees
Float by

My mind is a busy bee
Thinking turning spiraling
Out of control
Just a book waiting
To be written

I cannot trail words
Together and make
Them make sense

I can only break
Words apart between
My teeth and spit
Them out

Hoping they hold the
Answer all on their own
Because I cannot slow
Down and think about it

Think about the words
They come out in quick
Angry bursts
Sudden sad sounds
Spilling out of my mouth

I try to swallow them
Whole but I can’t
I can only choke
Out sorry
Sorry sorry
I’m so sorry

For failing
And falling
And wanting
And needing
You

You left me
With a
Perfect hollow
In my chest

My torn heart
refuses to rest
A steady
Melancholy burst
Open from
from within me
And it feeds me
Sadness from
The inside out

Heart-break
Pulses through
My veins

You long to
Forget me
But I long to
Surrender myself
To you
Once again

You said you’d
Never let go
Even so
I know how
To hold on

I search for
The courage
To let go
I ache to
Become whole
And humble
Again

Then beg you
To stay again
And again
And again

You are like raindrops resting on soil
Flow into me like water
Gentle, as I am still a flower in bloom
Give me sunlit skies
And hold me to your chest;
I am still healing
Tell me about far off galaxies
And how you gaze  at stars
Wishing you could hold them in your hands
For light years they live in the skies
Only to burn so beautifuly
In the atmosphere
And we capture the experience in our memories
And admire blazing star dust
For  only seconds at a time

I wanted to write about the weather and how it was relatable; How I related to the gloomy storm clouds, but that’s just pathetic. I am sick of this woe is me persona. **** that and **** the weather. Tomorrow could be better, or possibly wetter weather! Whatever, **** it, deep breath and smile anyways.

Sunlight coming in through the window and resting on my inner thigh
The warmth reminds me of the soft kisses
That your sacred lips once left behind