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3.2k · Jan 2018
21
FrankieM Jan 2018
21
After weeks spent parading around, letting everybody and their mother know the day is near, we are finally here. It’s the night of your 21st birthday. 3 shots, 2 beers, and a joint or four later, and I’m feeling pretty alright.
Your mother brings out your baby book, the entirety of your childhood life simplified into pictures and momentous small enough not to cause the pages to crease, meticulously placed between two hard covers.
She flips through the album, licking her fingertips between every other page and reading aloud the entries with the most significance to her. Suddenly she stops and points to a date.
January 19, 1997. The first time you smiled.
I look over at you and you smile back at me. A smile so radiant, there’s no need to explain the significance.
2.7k · Jan 2018
Home
FrankieM Jan 2018
I’m going home
Even though supposedly
I’ve always been

I’m sure
If you search hard enough
You’ll find me

In a memory
Camouflaged as rose pedals
A gray sky perhaps

I’m going home
And when I do I will
Be a part of your world

At last
On never truly belonging
2.4k · Jan 2018
$4.17
FrankieM Jan 2018
Can you believe it only costs $4.17 for a 10-pack of razor blades?
Free if you pocket them.
But after paying for every mistake I own, it seems so wrong for suicide to be so free.
Forgive me.
1.8k · Jan 2018
Intoxicated By You
FrankieM Jan 2018
As you sing your heart out
My heart, my mind, this car
Go 100 miles an hour

We pass semi trucks
Heavier than these feelings
I've been trying to drown out the entire night

I lay in my own passenger seat
Intoxicated
By you

And the alcohol
And these drugs
Have me feeling every ounce of you

Drip into me
It's amazing
How I could want something so bad when I already have it
LSD
1.2k · Jun 2019
Half Fool
FrankieM Jun 2019
I can only pour so much
Of myself into you
You say I'm half empty
I say I'm half full

It's hard to stay gentle
When you've been so cruel
I say I'm in love
You say I'm a fool
963 · May 2019
In Bloom
FrankieM May 2019
After being painted over
In black and blue

When we split in the Spring
I carried on I bloomed

No longer recognizing
Such vibrant hues

I flourished more beautifully
Without you
On no longer needing you

“Flourish” continued..
729 · Mar 28
Fine Wine
FrankieM Mar 28
Your value does not depreciate
with time- rather
I thirst for
more of
you,
you
are
the
f
i
n
e
s
t
of wine
685 · Jan 2018
Bars
FrankieM Jan 2018
Can't tell if it’s my vision blurring or my head is vibrating from the music I'm blurting.
I just can't hear my thoughts over the bars he spits and the bars I swallowed.

Things seem much better now that my head feels hollow.
On almost crashing my car while on Xanax.
598 · Jun 2019
Cherry Blossoms
FrankieM Jun 2019
I hold you
Gently
Like a bouquet of Cherry Blossoms
Your bloom
Never fails to impress
521 · Feb 16
Floating
FrankieM Feb 16
He’s on his own planet
I’m content just floating in his atmosphere
462 · Jan 2018
Bad Vibe
FrankieM Jan 2018
I embody the bad vibe felt in a room; the heaviness on your chest. I am both the rock and the hard place.
This world is not made for me; I can do no right. My birth was an error, my death is inevitable.

I long to belong.
Maybe I'm the bad vibe.
457 · Mar 30
Drown
FrankieM Mar 30
I
pored
over every
word dripping
off of your tongue
flowing out of your lips
I pored over every word
filling up my lungs and
s u f f o c a t i n g m e
I pored over your
every word

             so         you       you         me     was          to
               when      said      loved      I        ready   


    drown
452 · Jan 2018
For The Pizza Rolls
FrankieM Jan 2018
Sometimes I think I'm a ****** human being, until I remember the ***** who walked past me in the bathroom last week without washing her ******* hands. Or until I think about the fact that there are people in this world that forget their hot pockets in the microwave for five hours straight- Or even worse, pizza rolls.
Don't even get me started on those ******* who have the audacity to leave the comfort of their homes at 5:30 in the afternoon, when they know **** well there are 500 tired people taking the same highway to get home that they're using to pick up a jar of pickles from Walmart.

But I digress.

Sometimes I think I'm a ****** human being because, despite it being all I have; this world, everything, and everyone in it still isn't good enough for me. I step heavier just to spite the world for only giving me 360˚, mumble under my breath when I'm not simply given what I want. I'm not grateful enough for what I have.
I throw pennies in the trash instead of the wishing well because, just like my wishes, I know nobody will be able to retrieve it. When I wish I only think about myself, knowing **** well I can drive a mile in any direction and see somebody that has it much worse.

But you know what? **** that.

I have the right, as a human, to be angry when I'm breathing the same air as those ****-tards who are ****** up enough to leave their poor, helpless pizza rolls in the microwave after only three ******* minutes. Three. *******. Minutes.

Sometimes I think I’m a ****** human being, but at least I’m not that ******.
Don't forget about your pizza rolls in the microwave and we won't have a ******* problem.
442 · Feb 2018
Work In Progress
FrankieM Feb 2018
Under construction.
The foundation was set too quickly, molded too carelessly. We were meant to build something state-of-the-art, not tear each other apart.

Sidewalk closed.
Take another path, the one I'm on is too hazardous. Cracks, potholes, blackened gum. It's far easier to take a different one.

Detour.
It was right that you left, take a right and two lefts. I, too, am still trying to fix myself, I'm still a work in progress.
I thought of the hazardous years I spent with you as I passed a construction site the other day. I'm glad I took a different road, there were better things to be built for the both of us.
434 · May 2
Empty
FrankieM May 2
Cracked
from last
evening’s
altercation
When you
flung me up
Against the wall
—————————
I present myself to you
As empty and transparent
As the bottom of this bottle
|                                             |
|                                             |
\                                             |
/                                             /
|                                             \
\                                             |
/                                             |
|                                             |
\ Yet you still broke me /
419 · Jan 5
sunrise
FrankieM Jan 5
I forgot what sunrise looked like
Before I met you
I’m not a morning person
But for you I’ll do

You helped me find my way home
When the world seemed gray
Carried the sun straight to the sky
And turned my night into day
***** you better revise this **** later.
395 · Feb 2018
The Brightest Star
FrankieM Feb 2018
I often think about our impending doom
How one day we must say our goodbyes
And go our separate ways in the universe
Whether we are complete or not

I like to imagine that you’ll move on to be
The brightest star in the midnight sky
On the first night of a new moon
When it’s hard to see past the darkness

That’s what you’ve always been to me
A light only bright enough to help
See that tomorrow can be a certainty
And that the night can only be so somber

Often times I look up into the sky and wonder
How I managed to find a star brighter than the sun
Probably going to revise this later
344 · Feb 2018
Hurricane Me
FrankieM Feb 2018
I inhale smoke through lips I've kept shut for far too long. Through the depression and anxiety, finding a reason to breathe is hard, so talking about it has never truly been an option.

Exhaling I whisper only to myself under deep, harsh breaths.Understand I cannot let you witness how I really feel inside.
Although you beg to differ, not even I am willing to put up with myself through the heavy showers and sleepless nights.

My mind is as endless as the ocean, and this isn't last time I'll question whether I should let myself sink. At the bottom you can't see my puffy eyes or tear-stained cheeks.
When all you can comprehend is darkness you'll finally understand what it's like to be stranded in the abyss of me.

But it's kind that you say you'll stick around when my hurricane hits. The sun can't guide you on days like these.
I can't help you help me when I can't help myself. I can’t comprehend why I'd need to stay afloat.

So I'll inhale smoke through lips kept locked, and exhale still in whispers. No more deeper than the ocean goes, I know the smoke can’t mask what's inside when the storm comes.

I understand why you would leave.
317 · Jan 2018
Readjusting
FrankieM Jan 2018
Although I’m sure my presence is starting to become more than a little vexatious, I still hold your hand as often as I possibly can. Partially because I find how rough your hands are compared to the rest of your body to be very pleasing, but mostly because I feel obligated.
Don’t take it the wrong way, I don’t feel obligated in the sense that I’m being forced. I just know that we humans come into and leave this world alone, and I know all that you’ve seen.
So I’ll hold your hand while we lay in bed at night, cross the road, and walk through the grocery store, readjusting my grip as our fingers start slipping.
And when I notice you start slipping and losing your grip on this world and all it has too offer, I’ll readjust whatever it is that need readjusting. I’ll hold on even tighter so you don’t have to.
Just don’t give up. I know it’s hard, and I know you know that we humans come into and leave this world alone. But when I hold your hand, I have the entire world at my fingertips.

I’ll readjust as needed.
I never want you to feel alone like I do.
253 · Feb 24
Unfulfilled
FrankieM Feb 24
She loves so wholly
But even god himself knows
She can’t be fulfilled
248 · Mar 2018
Flourish
FrankieM Mar 2018
Between your branches
I’ve grown too comfortably

My roots have recognized
Every gap every blemish

Becoming acclimated
To only your atmosphere

I can no longer flourish
Without you
On needing you
244 · Jan 9
It Ended Because
FrankieM Jan 9
We dove in too deep
Without safety vests
Incapable of swimming
Fast enough to catch our breath
Also, you were a ****** person.
228 · Jul 2019
Waste My Time
FrankieM Jul 2019
Let me know now
If I’m not worth your time
For time is of value
But you can waste mine
Just want me as much as I want you.
224 · Feb 2018
The Alamo/Ghosts
FrankieM Feb 2018
Despite living in San Antonio my entire life, I had never seen inside the Alamo; The same way you said you used to drive around my neighborhood on your way home from work every Sunday, but never inside.

If you or I had turned in, though, I'm sure we wouldn't have liked the view very much. Crooked, outdated, houses lay out along uneven roads, paved decades ago; The ghosts of those who had died fighting a battle that seems so irrelevant and far away, trapped inside heavy stone walls. What was the point?

They're just buildings. Another sight, seen.

How small the must the world be for us to pass each other in our day-to-day life, ignorant to what the future holds?
How many times had I seen you out and about, without ever longing for a deeper connection?

If it wasn't for meeting you, I still wouldn't have went inside the Alamo. You would've kept driving around my neighborhood every Sunday night.
We both would've been unaware of the ghosts that reside behind these heavy walls.

Maybe I would've found a reason to go, and maybe you would've too. Curiosity? Boredom? Perhaps we would've ran into each other. (I like that thought).
Maybe, at that time, instead of embracing these ghosts, they would've scared us away for good.

Either way, I would've never gotten to know you, and that's more terrifying than any ghost we could find in each other.
224 · Feb 2019
Popular Beliefs
FrankieM Feb 2019
Contrary to popular belief
You don’t stop loving a man after he hits you
If anything it just leads you to wonder
Why did I deserve this? What did I do wrong? This is my fault, I should’ve seen this coming.
What can I do to fix this? How could I make myself better? How can I prevent this from happening again?

Contrary to popular belief
When he says he won’t do it again, he doesn’t actually mean it.
It’ll only gets worse.
How far can I go? Why does she stay?
I have her wrapped so tight around my finger and my fingers so tight around her throat.
Why does she love me? Will she believe me when I say I love her, that I will change?

Contrary to popular belief
Things will only change for the first couple days.
He will apologize.
Why do you love me? How did I become such a **** up? I had a rough childhood, I don’t want to end up like my father. Couldn’t you see how you provoked me? What would I ever do without you? Could you please forgive me?

Contrary to popular belief
You will forgive him with a lump in your throat, this time is no different than the last.
Things will never be the same
You’ll step more lightly when he’s near, breathe more quietly. You’ll feel the same fear you felt when he first pushed you against the wall every time a door closes too hard. You’ll still lie to everybody about the bruises.

Contrary to popular belief
You can only lie to yourself for so long
You don’t really believe he’ll change, but you’re afraid of change anyways. You’ll settle. I know the real him, he didn’t mean to hurt me. His anger just gets the best of him sometimes, but it’s not his fault. He’s really sweet, I swear. He loves me.

Contrary to popular belief
He doesn’t love you
When he struck you your best interest was the least of his. He knew he did wrong.
He doesn’t understand the severity of what he’s done, nor does he care to. History repeats itself.

Contrary to your beliefs
He never loved you
A rough draft. Unfortunately I could go on. Unfortunately I’ll have to.
213 · Oct 2019
Addicted
FrankieM Oct 2019
Stayed up late so high on you
Adrenaline like Aderall
Laid waiting for the comedown
Still my mind isn’t at rest

Stayed up late so high on you
Nerves like narcotics
Sat alone itching for more
Still craving your presence

Stayed up late so high on you
Anxiety like acid
Been tripping over my words
Still seeing stars behind my eyes

Stayed up late so high on you
Like an addict
You left me wanting more
197 · Jan 2018
Sad People
FrankieM Jan 2018
You've been distant lately
I can't blame you
I know I can be overwhelming when I'm sad
I know girls don't like sad boys and
Boys don't like sad girls and
People don't like sad people

I don’t do this intentionally
I'm trying to stay content
These thoughts are overwhelming me
I know girls don't like sad boys and
Boys don't like sad girls and
People don't like sad people

I don't expect you to like me
never truly feeling okay
180 · Jan 2018
Dream Journal
FrankieM Jan 2018
I wanted to start a dream journal until I realized I haven't dreamt in a while. A long while, now that I really think about it.
As gloomy as it may seem, laying in complete darkness isn't as bad as you'd think. Not when I'm next to you at least.

I haven't dreamt in a while. A long, long while, now that I really think about it.
The last time must've been a little before we started crawling into bed together, waking up tangled in each others skin. I don't mind it. Not dreaming, that is.

I spend a lot of time daydreaming these days. My anxiety takes place of the nightmares. I'm used to thinking out every possible outcome of every possible scenario. My anxiety, these nightmares, have been around for a while. As long as I can remember, now that I really think about it. I'm so tired of it crawling into my head, pealing back my skin.

I've been thinking about starting a daydream journal instead, but the nightmares are too constant. They've been around for so long that it makes laying in complete darkness every night feel okay.
179 · Feb 2018
C o m f o r t a b l e
FrankieM Feb 2018
Fitting into each other
Is the best part of becoming comfortable
Let’s get comfortable.
178 · Feb 2018
My Friend
FrankieM Feb 2018
Anxiety is a destructive friend
That comes and goes
Briefly filling the void
Making you feel at home
Within yourself

Anxiety is a destructive friend
That uses your weaknesses
Against you
Ultimately dragging you
Further down
I'm trying to think of you as a friend to make more sense of why you've been around so long. I must be pretty likable.
170 · Jan 2018
Your Scar
FrankieM Jan 2018
You have this scar on your right collarbone, about 4-5 inches long. Rods underneath help keep it intact, you can feel the screws if you run your fingers over it.
You said you broke it while skateboarding 6 years ago, I figure you tried to do some trick that felt right in that moment. A trick I would probably drool over, if I'm being honest.
Sometimes you get insecure when you notice me looking at it or touching it, and I don't understand why. It's pink hue reminds me of the sky at the perfect time of day, when it's not too hot or too cold outside.
I imagine you went through a lot of pain to acquire that piece. I hear that pain is beauty, and it's definitely more beautiful than any sunset I've seen.
165 · Jan 2018
Imperfections
FrankieM Jan 2018
It's 3 o'clock in the morning and we're going 90 down the cold interstate.
Having just left the cafe, we sing-yell along to our music as loudly and obnoxiously as we usually do. Only briefly do we make eye-contact as you glance over at your blindspots.
Hitting a couple bumps in the pavement, you start to turn down the volume. Looking at me as the road starts to curve, you say you find the road's weaknesses to be reassuring.
I ask you what you mean by that, and you say "everything has it's imperfections"
Together we sat in silence.
A good night spent with you.
154 · Feb 18
Don’t Fly Away
FrankieM Feb 18
You’re a bird I can’t bring myself to cage
So I’ll sing to you in the morning
And hope you don’t fly away
149 · Jun 2019
Burning Bridges
FrankieM Jun 2019
I keep running back again and again
“Baby I love you, but let’s just be friends.”
“I’ll go to every corner of the world, every end.”
“I can’t stand you anymore- Let’s try again.”

Make up your mind already honey, I hate this;
Fighting, kissing, acting like it’s painless.
Don’t act like you understand how much it pains me.
I loved you so much that I just let you play me.

What game in your mind are you even winning?
Burning bridges when there’s no new beginning.
When you realize all the things that you’ll be missing;
I’ll be at the top, looking down on you, grinning.

For now I’ll sit and look at the sky above,
Wondering what it could’ve been and what it even was.
What does it matter if it’s better in the long run?

The only thing I’ll truly miss are your hugs.
It’s hard without you but it’s even harder with you.
134 · Dec 2019
I Left
FrankieM Dec 2019
I will never know
Why abusers abuse

I learned the hard way
Love doesn’t use

But I found the strength
Hands and knees bruised

I left and I’m better now
Without you
I did it.
134 · Jan 2018
Where You End And I Begin
FrankieM Jan 2018
Your hand in mine
Perfectly intwined
Your hips underneath
My fingertips searching
For where you end and I begin
I don't want you to end
I don't want to begin
125 · Jan 7
Compose
FrankieM Jan 7
You really think I’m special
But anyone can write

You’re the true poet
The way you make me feel inside
For you.
116 · Jan 17
Next Time
FrankieM Jan 17
How about instead
of saying goodbye we say
I’ll see you next time
114 · Mar 13
Buried
FrankieM Mar 13
Intimacy is holding each other
Close enough to fit in a casket

Perpetual serenity
Breathing in each other’s carbon dioxide.
113 · Mar 30
Morning Coffee
FrankieM Mar 30
You are a
        steaming  
      cup of coffee
     perched
          between
                   frostbitten
           fingertips

sipped from calloused and busted up
  lips with a permanent blackish-blue hue
You are like taking that very first swig
after nights slow and restless - warmth
flowing down the esophagus to
thaw a heart frigid and askew
You accompany a cigarette
where smoke lingers in a polluted chest -You are a breath of air so soft and fresh - All I crave every morning is you
109 · Dec 2019
Peony
FrankieM Dec 2019
You admire peonies
And I can see why
They have that same bloom
That you have behind your eyes
You’re admirable.
102 · Feb 29
Mini-Moon
FrankieM Feb 29
There is a mini-moon up in our sky!
A lonely asteroid caught while flying by
It was just yesterday I heard the news
A sweet surprise but he’ll be leaving soon

For we all have a purpose that’s unknown
Some even worry that their fear will show
But that’s okay, nothing is meant to last
“Forever” actually means “in the past”
100 · Feb 29
Melody
FrankieM Feb 29
In a world scary and blue
Every love song seems
To be written about you
93 · Feb 21
Keep Sleeping
FrankieM Feb 21
You keep coming over
And sleeping and sleeping
Every next morning
You’re leaving you’re leaving

Our little cycle we don’t want to break
Doesn’t bother me when I’m not awake

Keep coming over
Keep sleeping keep sleeping
If you don’t wake up
Then you won’t have to leave me

You don’t have to go and I won’t ask that you stay
Just let me feel you longer- time seems to escape
85 · Jan 10
Let Me In
FrankieM Jan 10
You are a fluorescent light
I am a moth desperate to find my way inside
79 · Jan 1
Magic 8-Ball
FrankieM Jan 1
She danced her wrist around
With that black 8-Ball in her fist
She pondered on herself
And she shook it with a twist

Then she asked the question
“Will it be okay, yes or no?”
Quickly he responded
It Is Decidedly So
Thank you for your wisdom.
68 · Jun 2019
Sprung
FrankieM Jun 2019
Out of all the drugs I’ve ever done
You were the strongest one

Held you in my finger tips
Put you in between my lips
Inhaled you through my lungs  

Slowly tightened up the grip
Injected you into my hip
Dissolved you underneath my tongue

Falling deep into this trip
I lost my mind for just a bit
I’m so ******* sprung
On how addictive you are.
59 · Mar 4
My Sun
FrankieM Mar 4
From a seed in my stomach
To a branch on my tree
Once nothing at all
Now you are my everything

I sit contently
As winter crawls into spring
Spring tumbles into summer
I’ll catch you when you fall

From birds singing in the morning
Til the crickets chirp at night
You’ll forever be my son
For without you there would be no light
58 · Mar 30
Padlock
FrankieM Mar 30
you say
I'm            the
one            who
shut             the
door             but
YOU'RE the one who
locked it? I just didn't
want your key anymore.
There's no room left
in my pockets.
56 · Jan 21
To The Seabed
FrankieM Jan 21
I’m expendable
So toss me in the ocean
Watch me sink sink sink
Let gravity do her job
I’ll be gone before you blink
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