During the first few hours
It didn't fully register
For the first few weeks
It was so surreal
After a month or two
I tried to convince myself it
   didn't bother me
that lasted about a week before telling myself it's not real

A year later, and I'm perfectly fine
I don't even stay up thinking
   if I take pills
Now here I am wondering...

Even things, songs- moments that have nothing to do with you-
things that you wouldn't even like;
         that have no correlation
            besides connotation,
                make my mind, eventually,
                betray me

I don't dream anymore
   that's not true
      but when I do
         it's always
            of you
So I don't call them dreams
Because dreams are supposed to be...
Well, they shouldn't make you fall apart at the seams

Am I to find correlation
   in your seeming eccentricity?
You love me, but we can't be
   so what am I supposed to think?
This is the most childishly drug out *******, and, yes, I understand
But I don't know what to do
   although, you always knew:
Keeping me tethered to a memory
   through both letters and my insecurities.
Giving me just enough
to question your intentions
      but not your love
Nevertheless...  
   Regardless...
      Endless...
         I need this.

Words escape,
   elusive things;
      they never want to stay
   unless preceding a bitter taste
then, they won't go away:

   "The best of memories
      always hurt the worst,
   nostalgia lingers
      like a curse"

They said it'd all be better
   we just have to give it time
But I don't think it'll ever,
   ever be alright
The sun has set forever
The moon refuses to shine;
somewhere off in the distance
I hear the wind's soft cries
Desolation sets in,
   the will to live has died
You know, I can't remember
   If we even said goodbye

through discarded dreams
   nothing here is as it seems
Warmth and love vague memories
    corroded by this lust disease
What did you leave behind for me?
Did you decide to take everything?
I wish I couldn't feel a thing
   but the emptiness feels
      it burns and stings
Cut myself on my own debris
  you've diluted me too much to see
      all the things I used to be
I used to have the most beautiful dreams