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Oct 2020 · 98
Sometimes
Sierra Oct 2020
Sometimes I wonder;
Did it actually happen?

your hand around my neck,
tightening as your voice changes..
I’ll never forget the whisper as it left your lips

. . . You wouldn’t of come if you weren’t gonna put out.

Left without breath, frozen in time.
Without reason or Rhyme
For you knew the whole time.

My tears flowed, my voice no’d
Only till I froze,
My brain stopped,
My heart dropped,
Lost in time
Without rhyme.

Sometimes I wonder;
Did it actually happen?
It’s been two years and yet I would still run him over if I got the chance. Twos years and he still keeps me up. When will it stop? When will I get peace ?
Aug 2020 · 100
-search-
Sierra Aug 2020
I am always searching
for something that can not be found but given
from people who care to little
Give to late
I begged,
for your acceptance,
Your love,
Your attention…
im done.
i will never receive what i give
And ive given my all.
to my parents, im done trying
Jul 2020 · 179
mother-in-law
Sierra Jul 2020
. . . *******
Jul 2020 · 143
Pinky Promise
Sierra Jul 2020
Pinky Promise

First a promise
Then a kiss
Full of happiness and bliss
I’ll hold you tight
With all my might
All throughout the night
And when day breaks
Our future awaits

. . .our adventure begins
if you dont read it with the right voice its no good...
Jul 2020 · 111
i wonder
Sierra Jul 2020
I wonder if people,
keep tabs on me,
Like i do them. . .

I wonder if people,
Think of me
Like i do them. . .

I wonder if people,
Still feel the pain,
Like i do. . .
this is for all my ex's out there
Jun 2020 · 417
sweet then sour
Sierra Jun 2020
first, sweet
then, sour
                                you grab me by my throat and make me cower
i freeze.
you do as you please.
Jun 2020 · 142
Happy thoughts
Sierra Jun 2020
happy thoughts I say,
             happy thoughts,
but here i am, writing from my dark place, the only places i ever seem to write from.

why is it so much easy to feel the darkness but never easy to see the light?
Jun 2020 · 175
for rent
Sierra Jun 2020
I lay awake at night,
allowing men who never deserved me to take up my headspace,
allowing myself to fill with poison.

they handed me the pills,
but i still decided to take them.
why do I allow toxic men to control my thoughts?
May 2020 · 66
how can I hate you
Sierra May 2020
How can I hate you,

How can I hate you when you aren’t always bad,
When you help me out most of the time,

How can I not though,
When you don’t care, about my health,
About my education,
about me.

Oh, yes people think you care, and you do,
Sometimes.
When its convenient,

Why have kids, when you don't want kids all the time,
We are not something you can ignore til you're in the mood,
Till you're ready,

But how can i hate you,
Its not your fault you are sick,
It's not your fault, fully.
Nov 2019 · 117
Long days
Sierra Nov 2019
Long days
After long days I lay awake,
  only you crossing my mind,
only wanting you by my side.
   I fall asleep to the smell
Of my you love, as it lays cross my back
                Wishing, hoping
   that it was not the smell but
the touch of you.
the touch of unconditional love
                  of patience
                  of caring
                  of warmth
                  of love I know will not fade away like this smell one day will.  

You’re the smell of home, the smell I long to go back to at my lowest times my love
Jul 2019 · 131
Untitled
Sierra Jul 2019
There are so many memories that I will never be able to print,
so many that will fade with time.
But, these are the memories I cherish the most of all,
the ones I got to truly enjoy and take in for myself, in the moments between just us that we share.

Even my worst days are better with you
Jun 2019 · 891
stop and start
Sierra Jun 2019
I stop and start...
sometimes i can write, sometimes i can even develop my own thoughts.

i numb myself with nicotine,
with a head buzz, so I can be free of my own thoughts ...
of myself.
Jun 2019 · 357
Dreaming
Sierra Jun 2019
Dreaming of you,
Dreaming of our adventures that remain undiscovered. . .
Our memories that await,
beneath the sun and sea
with my one and only.
Jun 2019 · 144
Untitled
Sierra Jun 2019
I’ve had maybe 7 hours of sleep in the past two days...

Not even deep sleep, just barely at rest.

I’m going crazy, I’m just unable, I’m unable to sleep. I’m unable to feel...

Imagine you start to feel happy, and then you just stop...
even though you should still feel happy, you can remember the feeling but it’s not there.
You feel empty, in a way hollow. Maybe even it’s bad right now and you shut day for days, you go though the motions of emotions, a smile, a laugh, but still nothing.

You start to feel like you aren’t even in your body anymore, you’re watching your life go by in a glass box.... I want to live. Actually live.
Jun 2019 · 193
Late Nights
Sierra Jun 2019
Late nights,
glimpses of your smile with every passing street light.

Rough roads with every turn, but always a good time with you.

jokes so bad I can't help but snort
a voice so smooth I can't help but fall
Jun 2019 · 122
Mother
Sierra Jun 2019
How dare i feel,
How dare i stop mothering your children
How dear i take care of myself before you.. Before your kids..
When will anyone take care of me?
You smother me with your issues
Smother me…  because you sure as hell don't mother means
But do i even deserve anything else?
Me the failure.
Jun 2019 · 174
Sleepless
Sierra Jun 2019
I lay sleepless
Thinking about my lie
“I said no”.... I said nothing… I let it happen.

Society has taught me that saying nothing and saying no are two different things.

I lay sleepless
Maybe this changes everything
Maybe it changes nothing.
Why’d I lie?

I said nothing,
Not yes
Not no

I laid on him and cried after,
Lifeless
He thought I was sad to leave him

But in reality, I was mourning the loss of apart of my soul.
a part of me, I will never get back.
Jun 2019 · 135
My Rock
Sierra Jun 2019
My rock
You are my rock
Whoever you may be
You may cycle  through
You may come to me in different forms
But you will always come back
No matter how far
Or how wide
May 2019 · 285
Sometimes. . .
Sierra May 2019
Sometimes.
They aren’t like this,
They don’t always yell...
They don’t always make me feel worthless.
Daddy always tells me he loves me after he screams, or hits.
They are good people… sometimes.
May 2019 · 276
A Year Ago Today
Sierra May 2019
A year ago today
A year ago today, he grabbed my throat. I gasp for air.  barely in park.
He pulled me like a rag doll.
he got me where he wanted me, not where i want to be.
Tears run down my face. I am frozen, i am just an object at that moment in time.
As the tears flow and i close my eyes knowing that is all i can do at the moment.
He goes harder.
The longest lasting moment of my life.
He is done. And my journey has just begun
A year ago today.
May 2019 · 140
late nights
Sierra May 2019
late nights
I toss and turn,
uncomfortable in my own skin,
unable to distinguish dreams from reality.
May 2019 · 116
I feel...
Sierra May 2019
I feel a lack of feelings at all.
The numbness takes over on weeks like this,
i keep moving forward because i know, i know it will pass
it always passes.
May 2019 · 101
As I Float
Sierra May 2019
As I float, gazing at you
feeling all my bad habits fade away with every passing day
As my heavy thoughts dissolving within me,
I am reborn, leaving my past to obtain my present.
May 2019 · 125
Fuck you
Sierra May 2019
****
You
Devon
May 2019 · 165
Touch
Sierra May 2019
Your touch.
Your touch gives me the butterflies,
I haven’t felt since…
Your smell gives me warmth deep within me.
You are my sunshine breaking through.
May 2019 · 202
My Night Light
Sierra May 2019
From the moon to the stars
     you still shine brightest
in my eyes
May 2019 · 509
My Gardener
Sierra May 2019
My Gardener

from beneath the soil,
slowly i grow.
pushing through, with the little strength i have left.

for my gardener pushed me deep into the soil,
hoping i would not raise.

Therefore, I did.
I've been looking at this rough draft and can't seem to finish it
Apr 2019 · 337
To my sweetheart
Sierra Apr 2019
The things I thought were so important,
are no longer relevant.
You remolded my idea of a perfect man.
Patient and gentle,
Caring and kind.
I'm so happy,  you are all mine.
Apr 2019 · 203
Little Blue Pills
Sierra Apr 2019
little blue pills.
Morning sickness,
nothing tastes the same,
my toothpaste makes me gag.
All the side effects without all the benefits

morning sickness,
All this just for  human contact
Just to feel loved.

Is this love?  
Or is this lust for companionship.
Apr 2019 · 160
I Hope
Sierra Apr 2019
I hope...
one day
you feel
the pain
that you
Made me
Feel.
And I hope it never leaves you. As it may never leave me.
Apr 2019 · 1.1k
RipTide
Sierra Apr 2019
As I gaze into your endless oceans,
I fall in awe of you.
Ripples arise with every touch of skin.
pulling me deeper with every wave.

— The End —