Please don't misunderstand me
I know this had to be done, things
were growing more rotten by the day
and sudden amputation was our only choice, but

I still feel you, like
fingers grazing skin, I feel you
like a heart that never left this chest
I still feel you, and

Though we had to cut away
the decayed flesh of what is
I am still trapped, thinking about
what was, and what could have been

My heart is still full of tomorrows
and I need you to know
I will never love again, not the way I loved you
never that way

Each path before, led me to you  
but somewhere we took a detour
and I can't stop thinking; Is this the way it ends?
is this the way true love was meant to die?

Severed limb and bleeding heart?
I am only human, and there is a limit
to how much pain I can endure
and even though you're gone

*I can still feel you beating in my chest

I'll leave the window ajar
each night before I sleep
in case there's ever a chance
of you crawling back into this bed with me.

I'll walk through our memories with precaution
and try not to fall
as I tread water over spilt feelings
and an ocean worth of empty,
yet somehow still entirely full.

I just wish my hands
had something other than
themselves
to hold again.
I wish they had yours
to start a fire with

I wish my bed didn't have your
body
carved into it in braille
because I'm not blind,
and I don't read what I can't see
but ****
I wish I did.

I wish the ocean was a friend
rather than the inevitable enemy it poses as

I don't like the atomic bomb
that sets off
when reality hits back
even though I know you love
the mushroom cloud
that follows.

My room echoes something only you
and I
can hear and
replying to my own voice
is getting tiring.
The earth will still turn
but I don't know how long I can stand
still
I don't know how long I can bare
to stare at a world
without your eyes.

I don't know how I can stare at a world
that isn't mine.

I guess I'll go back
to kissing my own hands
and screaming echoes to a bed
that isn't warm

because I know what I've had
I know what I have
and I know I haven't lost
but I have loved
and I love
and I will
I do

Your voice is stuck inside my head
like an old song I'd heard a thousand times,
It's melody once comforting
now only leaves me cold.
as bittersweet nostalgia washes over me
my mind replays the sweet nothings you once whispered in my ear.
every word carrying its own tune
but never carrying any weight
each syllable fluctuating ever so slightly
just like your emotions did
One day your words like feathers forming mighty wings to lift me up
others your words crafting cement blocks tethering my heart down
sinking to the bottom of a dark sea
each threat crashing around me like waves
throwing by body from side to side
like your hands once did

Let us
teach the stars how to dance
guide the constellations into a lemniscate
bend their chaotic lines
trace different paths for them.

Let me
decorate the ballroom with shadows
drape the night against the walls
scatter moonlight across the floor
feed our guests cosmic dust

And you will
buy me a dress of starlight
wear a suit of midnight
touch me the way you would a moonstone
take me to the celestials.

Let us
dance the night away.

I want you
To touch my silk skin
Until it turns sand paper rough
Run your hands down my spine
Until it curves into arch
Wrap your legs around mine
Until we become unison
Hold my unsteady body
Until it is still as the night
Hold it tightly
Until we wake to sunrise
I want you
To warm my lips with yours
Until they are no longer blue
Warm my heart with yours
Until it is no longer blue
I want you
I want you
I want you.