(A)ltered

(B)oisterous
(I)rrational
(P)anic
(O)ver-reactive
(L)o­ws
(A)shamed
(R)ollercoaster

(M)ental
(I)mpulsive
(N)on-existent
(D)esperate

The mind is lost on a raft to nowhere...

I see my own reflection,
And feel the loathing from within.

The anticipation of relief,

Of the blade cutting in.


The steel is cold and sharp,

Against  my weary skin.

It slides through slowly,

And I savour the feeling that it brings.

How far shall I cut?

How deeply shall I go?

I see the vein pulsating before the blood begins to flow.
Should I cut a little deeper and have this journey end,
Or dance with the pain that has now become my friend.

I look at my self-hatred reflected in the blade.
The future is uncertain,
And the choice still remains.
Do I wait for tomorrow,
As it is another day,
To live with the pain,
Or let my soul soar away.

trapped between reality and nightmare
between truth and lies
a constant war in my mind
I cannot fight it with my dusty hands

trying to save myself seems useless
I am but a hollow soul
a darkness in those around me
a crying of despair
a lost cause
no need to be
no need to breath
my legacy is just a wall
with no entering doors
I feel
I dream
I hope sometimes
but i know
I matter not.

in this world
there's only place for light
darkness shall be left
behind.

When I was a little girl,
I was told to be seen and not heard.
Invisible to my self and others.
I dared not laugh, I dared not cry.
Alive but no longer living.
I loved you,
But I feared you.
Your bouts of rage and madness.
Love that was conditional and fleeting.
I just wanted to scream and shout,
SEE ME!
LOVE ME!
But I learned to remain out of sight and sound.
I became vacant but yet present.
When I tried to feel,
Tried to be me,
I was told that you were too busy,
To spend time with me.
"Go out and play",
"Find some friends",
"Don't bother me".
So I would sit outside alone and cry.
Still waiting to be loved...
Now that I am grown,
I no longer seek your love.
I no longer stay in the background.
But make my presence known.
Loud and clear,
I will be seen,
I will be heard,
So *******!
Though you made me what I am today,
It will never take the pain away.

A beautiful sigh
A beautiful high
A beautiful voice
A beautiful choice
A beautiful light
A beautiful night
A beautiful smile
A beautiful style
A beautiful look
A beautiful brook

It's all just a beautiful lie.