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Golden Flower Sep 2019
I’m scared,
For this whole situation I feel unprepared,
I’m trying not to fall into despair,
I can hardly breathe and  I can barely see,
What the future holds for me,
This decision is large and completly life changing,
I have to choose now, The question can’t be left hanging.
Am i going away?
Or will I just stay?
Is the choice really mine?
Will my choice be just fine?
Everything is collapsing,
I’m trying to hold onto what i am grasping.
What in my life is worth risking it all?
Should I go ahead and just end it all?
I can barley handle all this stress
I currently live a  life like a risky game of chess.
time is ticking.
I just have to be careful and make sure I know what I’m picking.
Someone please save me!
I’m honestly scared!
I feel lost and just want to rest.
Is this real or is it just a test?
Why hold on so tight,
When im loosing all the sand.
The choice has been made,
Despite what I really wanted,     I  stayed....
  Sep 2019 Golden Flower
I think it's time
For me to close my eyes
And slip into the sleep
That I've always desired.

I think it's time
To say goodbye
To everything I've grown to know
And everything I'll have to let go.

I think it's time
To find out
Once and for all
What dreams may come.
  Sep 2019 Golden Flower
You were the one
          I wanted most
          to stay.

But time could not
          be kept at bay.

The more it goes,
          the more it's gone,
          the more it takes away.
- Land Leav
Golden Flower Aug 2019
His eyes are forever in my mind,
For some reason, to my flaws he is blind,
He looks at me with love and adoration,
With one look he dims my frustrations,
His eyes seem to say so much,
So he communicates through soft touch,
He makes me feel safe and sound,
It makes me so happy to have him around.
I love him so and I hold him dear,
If it were up to me he’d always be near.
This boy is so loving and kind I get frustrated at how caring he is for me. I’ve written a couple of corny poems which I have given him, yet this one is so far the best in my opinion. (even though he treasures everything I’ve written for him so far).
Golden Flower Aug 2019
This reflection of mine,
It seems to change with time,
This reflection of mine,
It always shifts in my mind,
I see it morph into an evil figure,
This figure telling me to come hither,
Shall I embrace it or leave it be?
Is it to be shunned?
Is it even really me?
Those eyes have a deceptive depth,
That laugh is something to abhor,
That smile is a dangerous cover,
For all the fear that I shall become my mother,
This worry lies in each and every breath,
I am so violent and somewhat evil,
I have striked fear in so many people,
Why do I seem to harm those I love?
Why do deception and violence fit me like a glove?
Why can i not give complete trust?
Sometimes i wish to end it all with a knife and a quick ******,
Yet i do not have the audacity to even try,
Instead I sit here in silence and cry.
Just staring at This reflection of mine,
My voice  is sandpaper on an irritated wound,
My laughter is worse and it will never make anyone swoon.
My nose is so pointy like that of a witch,
And I must admit I am quite a *****.
This reflection of mine,
I do see strength in that old wall mirror,
Yet it is that of a man and not of a lady,
My seeming lack of femininity is a bit shady.
I wish to fall in love and get married,
But it seems so far in the future,
and I have a lot of emotions I must suture.
After I get my education,
I don’t think there will be a man ready to get me at that station.
Oh this is surreal,
What is the deal?
A handsome young man says I have great appeal!
The poor fool doesn’t truly know all the daemons that control me,
I am so scared of myself and these emotions that are trying to get free!
Oh this reflection of mine!
I hope it will change for the better in time!
Oh lord, can you please help improve me?
I am praying that these thoughts will leave me be!!
I have all this anger and all of this despair,
I am searching for my inner light if it even is really there!
Well I must brace for the impact of facing God’s will!
I put my trust in My Lord to help my soul become calm and still!
The future is truly bright!
I shall not spoil it with my pessimistic spite!
Oh this reflection of mine!
Golden Flower Aug 2019
The soft mist of these spring showers,
gently was over the fields of pale cornflowers,
The gentle sunshine after the rains,
It reaches out with its bright rays,
It disperses any feeling of cold,
And now blossoms the Aztec Marigold,
The distant rumble of the thunder,
Fills the scene with a mystic wonder,
Life is flourishing within our view,
So many things are brand new,
The air is crisp, fresh and clean,
What a calming and gorgeous scene,
We lie here on the soft, green grass,
Watching as the beauty of the world goes past.
I wrote this poem earlier this year in about February.
Golden Flower Aug 2019
Time is an impatient thing,
It’s always running,
Never allowing us to catch our breath,
Time waits for nobody.

Trying so hard to enjoy the time I have,
Yet time gets impatient with the good times and makes them feel so few,
Yet he holds out during bad times,
And makes them lengthen.

Yet time refuses to wait for any body,
Just have to keep going at his pace.
You’ll either catch up or lag far behind.
Yet you can never out run time.
Time waits for nobody.

But perhaps he could make an exception for me?
All I want is for Time to take it slow,
The future is approaching so very fast,
I want to be able to fix my past,
Yet Time waits for nobody.
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