You taught me to stand up for I think it right.
I’d tell you what I think is right
But it’ll only turns to a competitive fight.

You taught me to go for my dreams
Then you beat me down
With your hateful beams.

You taught me to tell you what’s on my mind
I told you I’m gay
But you’re only world blind.

I taught you to not judge
But maybe you thought it was right.

I taught you to be respectful
Maybe you thought I was joking
But when your daughter tells you to stop,
Stop.
Before she takes a break from society
Ending it all because of social anxiety.

The first thing I hear is yelling
Only trying the best to ignore,
When you’ve told me I’ve been a selfish *****.

You expect me to act as you want,
But why would I obey
When I could simply make you go away?

All I would do is take a knife;
And it would make the pain go away.
If you’d just let me rest for 1 whole day.

Didn’t you see what you caused?
With the many lives lost?

The ignorance taught;
Wars fought;
With the selfish acts;
Of being prejudice of gays and blacks;

You ‘can’t control yourself’ is what you say,
But you had learned when the child was lying there dead;
As night is to day.

At least they’re at a better place now
You see?
Maybe not in heaven, but any place is better
Than this place called society.

Age 12;
The first to say, “Stop!”
Yet the last helped.
Living life protected but now betrayed;
Touched with impurity and hate
All the joy too late
All acts of defiance
Through deep breaths of silence.


Age 20;
Tried for treason;
With no factual reason.
The first to defend
Yet last to protect.
Innocence is lost
Guilt is put.
Put into prison;
Missing the funeral of the wife,
The ending of an innocent life.


Age 25;
The rush too hard to handle;
The pills of a gamble.
Taking another shot
As if not already taught.


37;
Laugh of joy
Cries of pain
Those being told
They’re loved
But leaving a heartless stain
43;
The dizziness hits
Through the alcohol of memories
Of the wife once murdered


48;
Thinking too much
With all too much to touch
Kids are now gone
Wife was murdered
Wondering if life should be drawn


50;
With no wife and kids,
Life living alone
With the thoughts of loneliness.
The life stops;
And time goes timeless
Through the deep breaths of innocent silence.

Look through a child’s eye and you’ll see their despair
Then look through another and you’ll feel a run down tear.

Take 5 minutes of your time to think of how your life is;
Compared to the eyes of knowing how desperate change is.

Eyes show more than people say
They only lie to keep their pain away.
Instead of thinking of how better your life can be
Think of how some cringe to flee.

Most believe me when I tell them everyone hides
When they commit a domestic homicide, but;
It’s most surprising that most don’t believe me
When I tell them the kid who just ran out went to commit suicide
Then they have the guts to tell me,
“Leave it aside.”

The next day comes,
Only to find out that the kid who ran out?
He was found on the bathroom floor, dead.
Without a doubt.

If only a person was to show how they felt
By giving him some loving affection,
Instead of forcing him to reject his bipolar depression.

If only you would have looked through that child’s eyes;
You would’ve saw their despair
Then if you looked through another, you would have felt their suicidal tears.

Age 3.
She was a innocent little girl
Her father took her away from her mother...
Without even letting her say, “goodbye.”

Now, living with her drunken father
Developing through the stages of which she chooses
Having the choices every kid would love

But, for her they weren't choices
They were demands.
She was told to drink.
She was told to pass out.
She was told to stand.
She was told to listen.
Be smart!
Clean this room!
You must obey me!
Learn to think!
She was told to act just like her father.

She had no choice.
The little girl wanted to make a better life for her father.

Age 5.
Always wanting to make a difference,
But couldn’t do the things she wanted with that little voice she had

She goes to school…
Gets the education she’s told to learn.
Accepting how life comes to her.
Goes home…
Gets drunk...
Passes out.
Repeat.

They moved across from the police station.
This girl's life wasn’t well.
Her life began to go downhill...
When her wanted brother moved in.
Her father left to help them live their life
Get their groceries,
Pay the bills.
Although her father stopped the alcohol,
Her brother didn’t help.
The brother that chose to **** his only sister!

Too traumatized, and frightened to run…
She kept the event to herself for 7 years… too frightened to be touched.

Age 12.
In school again.
She loves education, but wants to make it better for other children.
Teaching things that will help in everyday life.
Not learning these long equations we wouldn’t use.
She would love to graduate and make her father proud.
He’s never proud though…

Although she’s gotten through the bullying and the embarrassing class speeches…
Being diagnosed with Bipolar Depression, and MPD didn’t help.
She was judged for being insecure of others.
She was beaten for the choices she chose.
She was tortured for trying to make a difference.

Age 14.
She was scarred through what her eyes have seen
Although they may have deceived
She understood others and their pain.

She told her loving step-sister about the event years ago.
It came as a surprise when she could relate from her daughter’s perspective as well.
She went to the police station and discussed the situation.
The police told the ignorant child to go home with her father.
They had done nothing.
Nothing for the child that had the courage to tell others.
Had the courage to speak up.
Had the thought others would believe her.
But, no.
Nobody. Believed her.

Age 16.
Growing up for High School.
Still suffering through her father, and now “step-mother”.
They call her their step-mother because. . . the little one never really had a mom.
She had searched and searched
But, nothing ever came to her.
Was she alive, or dead?
She had thoughts about her father and how it would make him feel if she ran away...
Would he care for her?
Would he call the police?
Would he even realize?

Looking at others, listening to others
Listening to their story.
She became friends with one…
Putting the blame on herself because she couldn’t save him.
She could have saved him.
She would have saved him.
Why didn’t she?!

. . . . .

I always came to questions of:
Does he love my mom?
Had he looked for her?
Did he hit my mom, or was I just dreaming?
Will I ever find her?
Is she dead?!

I - I don’t know.
Maybe.
I hope I will find her.
I have always felt a hatred for my father because of it…
I want life to be better.
Please…
Be. Better.

. . .

This…
Is my story.

Its simply very easy.
Kiss them.
Hold them.
Make them feel safe.
Loved.
Wanted.

Then leave them.

Don't call them.
Don't text them.

Then show up out of the blue
With an
"I still love you"
On the tip of your tongue
With another girls Hickeys
Necklaced on your neck.

Keep your distance.
Call them late at night.
Fall asleep on the phone
To them.

Give them hope.
Remind them that
They
Haven't
Moved
On
At
All.