& I think maybe that’s what’s fked me up the most
The people that have hurt me the most were those that were close

& those that didn’t care
Smiled, acted polite & shared
Their fake, crowd pleasing personas
with me

Smile to my face, then vanish into black
Only to text back
Months later

Oh sorry, it’s been hectic
I’ve been soo busy
Finding myself
Far away from you
But would you like to come out for a brew
Perhaps

Meanwhile the people that tell me they love me
The people that tell me they’ve always had MY best interests in mind while they themselves made decisions that affected me
Without me

Leaving me for my own good
Staying away from me for my own good
Telling me that I’m too good
For them

& which one is better
Really
Which one is worse
Or more real
Is anything real..
Anymore?

All I know is that I’m tired of the ****
This technological abyss
Where people can come & go as they please
Eternally

IT’S NOT OKAY
I will not come out to play
I will not twirl & dance for you
Every time you want to wind me up

For old times sake
So you can recreate
A distant memory of former bliss
What is this?

But utter confusion
You’re delusioned
If you think I’ll ever spin near your orbit again  
& no we can’t “stay friends”

For fks sake
Just leave me be

They tell her that's she's gullible
They tell her she's naive
All she wants is to see the best in people
She truly just wants to believe

That there are still good people out there
Decent people, like herself
That live their lives with integrity
Helping others for more than an exchange of wealth

Yet time && time again,
People seem to take advantage
Of her kind hearted nature
Of her willingness to always bandage

Everyone else's wounds
All she really wants to do is mend
The hearts of all the broken
To listen whenever they need a friend

The girl whom is always helping
To fight other people's battles
The one that you deem weak
For helping piece back those who have been dismantled

Though she feels all alone at times
Though she could use help with some stuff
She'll never ask for anyone's aid
For her, helping them out is enough

I thought I was in love once
But I was just the gum upon his shoe
I let him stomp all over me
While I stuck to him like glue

He told me that he loved me
Which is why in my impressionable youth
I thought "this must be the real deal"
I thought he spoke the truth

The next time someone confessed their love
I couldn't bring myself to believe
That someone could ever care for me
I thought surely they would leave

So I pushed them away, && they did just that
They left me in a hurry
By this point I was too damaged to see
That deep down I was worthy

You see once a person is broken down
Their heart can never go back
The pieces may stick back together again
But if you look, you can still see the crack

Tell me that you love me
It need not be the truth
While we're in the pale moonlight
Sipping on vermouth

Tell me that you need me
If only for tonight
I just need a little something
To keep my head up in this fight

Tell me that you want me
Tell me you'll be true
I'm tired of being lonely
All I want for you to do

Is tell me that it'll all work out
Look me in the eye && say
That there will be a brighter tomorrow
If I can just make it through today

Thoughts thoughts thoughts
Racing through my mind
When all I want to do
Is lay here && unwind

But these thoughts thoughts thoughts
Around the corner they're always looming
How could I ever be at peace  
When they are all consuming

Thoughts thoughts thoughts
Still running through my head
I just want them to quiet down
Ah well, maybe when I'm dead

Being high just feels like a long sigh now
My cries of struggle have just become dry now
While the sly guy is flying way up in the sky now
Seeing all this success around me just fries my eyes now
I feel like not even trying like I should just die now
I'm so shy maybe I should dye myself into a spy now
The end is nigh as I reminisce it's almost my time now
You can try to deny but the hourglass is not so high now