In a place of absolute bliss

I can sense your arrival
Unlike any other

I can see you approaching with a glisten in your eyes

Alas,
You have evolved
Yet another height

Never to be expected by many

Your smile the purest form
Like that of a child

Your strength inconceivable
How tall you’ve grown

I see you
I see me

For it is me that has mutated to the essence of the authentic self

Untainted by the world
Yet from this world

I can see your glisten
Radiant as the stars in the galaxies

Unknown to men

Illuminating beyond all beliefs
As I stand and leap forward to gaze into a closer look

Let me see you
Let me see me

Now I’m captivated
In hypnotic state of soul

Never to be released

For this is all I know.....
All I ever want to know.

Stay me
Why won’t you stay

You continue  to run from time running from what you fail to see is your own shadow

Stay face me with me
Together we can hold hands and interlock a bond unbreakable by the universe itself

Can you not see that every eye contact you make is the deepest fears of yourself begging to be accepted and cradle

Stay me
Stop running
Dwell for just a few and relinquish all control

Allow the freedom of internal chaos to be your best dance yet

Alas the revelation that fear was never tangible only imaginative

Why won’t you believe for one second that the you that exist is the me you hide from

Enough !
Now you see that me is seeking reconciliation
Grab my hand place your face on mine
Your lips on mine
your heart beat on mine and release
accept

I feel you shiver, your hairs standing
Don’t tremble dearest one

I hear you scream “let go”!
I watch you flee into the abyss

I’ll be here again when you arrive
saying won’t you stay with me just a little bit longer this time

Petals in the wind
So effortlessly dancing around my chaos

Ocean breeze pushing against the current of my soul

Why so tormented are you
Must you be drawn back to the ripples in the water of your evolution

Of your rebirth

Renewed
Refreshed
Rejuvenated
Resurrected

Remember

Messages from and to within
All lies in the wind

Like petals in the wind
Dancing so effortlessly in my chaos

Life is the dancer and I the dance

Remember

Aware more than ever of the inner war raging within

Rolling thunders caving at my soul
So much chest pain
When will I ever reach it's chest to unveil all that is owed to me
But, how can I be so foolish again to ponder at the thought of judgment

Lest, I seal my heart of an unknown knowledge to man

I am the bottomless pit
The highest peak
The force of each effortless wave

I am the whisper in the wintery nights and the comfort in each sun ray

Open your eyes see it all
Grasp it all
Arouse each molecule
Resurrecting the tasteless triggers that can upset the soul of the universe

Even still, seal your heart
Listen carefully for it's dancing rhythm and lest your smile be its violin.

Passing images in the mind unable to escape the trail I once left behind

Fully aware of the sun peaking through my sorrowful heart

Almost lost my footing once before, never to slip so far into the abyss again

A blood vow to the spirit within
The childlike freedom of expression

Face paint of words of truth, self efficacy, love and pain

All inscribed

Non erasable

So I stop scrubbing and massage each word spoken, lived, triumphed over and sit back to watch the horizon

Making up my mind

Making up my mess

Making up the imaginative possibilities of what once was just wishful thinking

Alas discovery in its limitless depths is consuming my core

As I surrender to its harmonizing entanglements

Vibrant colors nearly blinding the experiences yet still finding its loop holes to skip through with joy

Maybe ready is not concrete but merely a myth

With no matter of facts

Presently I stand and reach out to tap into each color

Each one whispering ticklish nows
Bursting fingertip tastebuds in each soulful interaction

While I sit back and enjoy the show

Having the sense of urgency to explore the diamond in the rough

The urgency to climb the highest peak
Urgency to follow my own lead
To kiss the face of God
While dancing so effortlessly on hot coal

To be in tune with the cries of mankind's heart for love

Understanding that all that ever makes sense is the here and now
After all it is all that is
And in it I will soar to unimaginable heights
While others drink of envy and deceit

I soar

Reminded of a time when I felt so dark inside
Almost as if my identity was slowly being erased from this earth.
My reflection one big blur.
My identity non existent.

I no longer recognize the girl in the mirror.
Her pretty face with hollow eyes.

A small part of her afraid for her.
And the rest numb to the realization.
Man!
I almost lost her.
I want to apologize to her.
For almost refusing to harken to my truth.

For almost extinguishing her bright contagious flames.
For almost becoming the sad women, yet a beautiful fool.
  
I now vow to fight for her
To become the warrior princess she is destined to be.

I vow to always listen to her truth
I want to acknowledge her dreams and opinions.
I embrace her like never before.

Like war paint on my face,
I will wear a smile whenever I want
A tear whenever I want
A grin and even a blank slate whenever I want.

She is unapologetically me.

Never to be hidden again
Never an imposter of my truth - my true self

I will be me- me in it's purest form

And any disagreements or negative challenges or wills to change it will quickly be removed without hesitation.

For she will be seen.
She will be heard .
She will be loved and aware .
She will be.

She is here to stay
She is fearless, driven and believes in magical miracles daily.

She is me.
She is Shayleen.

Awaken my soul, body and spirit
Awake and be known to thy self
Awake and take hold of the beauty for ashes
Awake -blast open your eyes

No longer to be caught under the muck of past pains
Disappointments have no definition now

Awake and see that you are finally free
Freer than you'll ever be

Morning dew peeking through my window

Fighting to shatter my darkness within.

I turn over fighting my demons poking at my soul.


Shouting to me that I won’t last long.

Last couple of days, felt like a nightmare without escape.

Not even my shadow wants to appear from the hell I’m living in.

Staring at my reflection in the mirror echoes my pain, so I avoid my own eye contact, to avoid my pain.


How can you live a life so pure, so true; to have it ripped right underneath you? Evil, betrayal, deceit, hate, ****, die!

Words, feelings, qualities all trying to consume my identity.


How could this happen to me?

As if I could be exempt from suffering.

I forgot suffering, I forgot to expect it, I forgot it exist.

But now its existence wars within me to destroy me.

I don’t want to fight.

Let me give in.

Let me surrender to the truth darkness reveals, to a falsehood the light covered.

All trust – obliterated into a million pieces floating in the air of black and grey.

What will heal me now?

Yet still, I must rise from this ugly place.

The ground is cold and hard to rest on.

The food lacks and taste of bitterness and hate.

There is no sun, only a paralyzed eclipse.

I scream “No more”!

I have to leave this place.

Nothing makes sense.

I fight to remember my reflection without pain.

I must.

There has to be some beauty left in me.


Rise!


I must rise!


I will rise!


I am rising slowly.

She walks alone in the rain now
The only cover she worries for is her own
Solo is her path
Full of solitude and purity
The most adventurous  she's  ever felt
It's been a long time since her last thrill
Alas she steps into the puddles without a care
Splashing into all the joys that life has to offer
Laughing
No longer oppressed by the resistance
For her soul is a repellent against the odds
Each rain drop a song in itself
A thunder storm the orchestra of life
She walks in the rain and smiles