Heart and mind
said to entwine
but far apart
set those of mine

passion and wisdom
not always hand in hand
following her, my lust's content
forbidding thoughts, I'm held at bay.

her baggage is much
but the suitcase shines so brilliantly
my heart's temptations flare
the mind does not care.

chasing her down
the ever growing hall
practicality keeping me slow
desperation hoping she'll fall.

I find my self struggling
to balance out the two
a decision needs to be made
so many options that are so few.

Torn inside, my yin and yang.
the impossible choice I cannot make
as like always,
it is time for me to wake.

Hate and spite
Horror and death
Shadow and misery
They think they know me.

Thievery and misguidance
A cigarette for cancer
Creature from the dark
Best to cross the street
As they judge me from afar.

Try to approach and you may find
That there is more to the scene
More than they cared to see

Take off the mask; unveil the truth
A soul lost on this plane, outcasted.
Thrice bitten, forever burned.
Learned not to expect, never to trust.

A spirit to befriend, loyal beyond the rest.
A jokester, an adventurer, a person.

More to the picture than the draping curtain,
They never cared to pull it aside, they were too afraid.
Yet you are here, to stand by my side, one of few.

Tonight we feast and raise our glasses high
A salute to you and those alike who braved the shallows
And offered a greeting.

Down the shot, experience the burn;
An echo of those who didn't try, those who will never know.
Those too shrouded by judgmental hubris.

Put them aside, they no longer matter
As for with this ring, it is you and I
Together forever, couldn't ask for one better.

To the one who lifted the mask,
The one who went the extra step,
The one who holds me together,

I love you.

An expression
"Build me up, buttercup"
A license to knock you back down.

They say they'll show you the world,
go for a ride under their wing
They drop you through the clouds.

Pleasant company, you hope to be
work with them as they show you the ropes
never good enough.

Trying to rise form the ashes
the past is in the past
as the wind sweeps across the nation
once again you're scattered.

A game to play but not to win
fight for the right to be let down
eventually things are sure to work out.

That's what they tell me anyway.

Metal
These bars
Safe
Or not.
The torment
Accompanies
Embraces

Outside
Dead
Freedom
Escape.

Forbi­dden
trapped
a ring
strangling.

Depression
Loathing
Solitude
My own bars

Tomorrow
Tomorrow
Tomorrow
Repetition
Insanity
Lock Down

Gone

too FAT too SHORT too WITHDRAWN
too THIN too DUMB too SMART
too OLD too WEAK too GOTH
too QUEER too PARANOID too PREPPY

they judge, they mock, they laugh, they jest.
a game they play, all fun and games.
Who cares what they say, why should i listen
the taunts of the others, out for their own.

I don't care, I refuse to see
They will never get to me.. and yet..

Tune it out, look away, doesn't make it end.
no harm intended, death resulted.

Their words have no conviction, no meaning.
This I know, this I believe, but then tell me why..

Why I cannot stop reading the writing on the walls?

too TALL too GROSS too UGLY
too NERDY too SMELLY too CREEPY
too SLOW too HYPER too SENSITIVE

They point, they mock, they regret, they don't care.
Today, tomorrow, last night and before.
They vandalize the air with words they don't intend.

I don't care, I refuse to see
They will never get to me.. and yet..

I walk away, talk to me back
Put you behind me, i cannot hear.

Your words are mute, they matter not.
This I know, this I believe, but then tell me why..

Why I cannot stop reading the writing on the walls?
And why don't they put down the pen?

Too cruel Too harsh Too unprovoked
Too Jealous Too abused Too angry
Too Beaten Too unheard Too unloved

They've been there, they try to cope.
Lashing out instead of lashing in.
Fighting for the chance they never got.

This I know, this I believe.
I don't care, I refuse to see
They will never get to me... and yet..

Tell me why, even knowing this,
why can I not stop reading the writing on the walls?

You want me to be me,
but the me you envision.
After all you're always right.
...
I maintain my own balance with the world,
but again my imperfections are brought to light.
Unsurprisingly I let you down,
Not because I refuse, but because I cannot fight.
I am not allowed to be me.
...
You expect me to be more. Everything at once.
To take care of my self, others left unattended.
To maintain the enviroment, other aspects let down.
I'm slow, I don't understand, I run out of time. Doesn't matter.
...
You miss the attention, the dedication, that I used to give.
You want the little things, the gifts, the cuddles, the affection.
I with to provide, but often cannot, the hell if I know why.
...
I've come to live in fear.
Reluctant to return home from work
Not wanting us left alone.
...
The easy seperation isn't an option, too many depend on us.
I don't want that. I never would have started if I wanted an end.
But I don't know how to heal. Or if we can.
...
Always on the negative, never the positive.
Providing motivation out of fear not desire.
Meanwhile I'm dying inside.
...
I've had to learn to resist depression
and to repress who I am.
I've given up dreams of a future
and am left to see what happens.
...
So much sacrifice that cannot be undone,
starting to wonder what I gave it up for.