You are very neat
And you're cool, and kind, and sweet
The very neatest

regret.
i regret letting you in.

love will always start with illusion.
and i fell in love with
the mirage you displayed.
i told myself that
the person i fell in love with
was still there.
that is why i stuck around

for so long.

for so long i believed that you still loved me
as much as the sun loved the sky.
even when you said you didn’t,
even when your voice didn’t feel like

home.

home was late night conversations.
home was your laugh ringing in my ears.
but what was once the house we loved in,
it is now dominated by ghosts.

it has been 8 months.
i still

regret.
i regret letting you in.

i realized so many things.

1. i have to stop starving myself
2. she isn't the people in my past who hurt me, things are different now
3. i have to continue letting go of things that make me sad
4. change is good

my mind has been racing lately and it's been harder to keep up,
but in conclusion, i have realized this:

1. i am and was never broken
2. i am becoming the person i've always wanted to be, the person i truly am
3. i am okay
4. my growth is not linear but it's still growth

it felt like it all went away in half a second.
when i looked at you,
i didn't see light anymore.
i saw a body with a personality.
i felt like i didn't know you anymore.
nothing fell,
my world did not collapse,
instead, everything went still and all i could hear is our breathing in the silence between us.

i never wanted to go to sleep, i wanted to stay up and feel your cheeks under my fingertips,
i wanted to trace your face for eternity.
it was these moments where i was happy that i stayed.
out of every life i've lived,
this is my favorite one.
this is the most beautiful moment in life and i'm eternally grateful that you're in all of them.
every moment that has made my cheeks hurt from laughter
or every moment that i've cried from the overwhelming feeling of love in my heart
has been because of you.
i'm thankful for this.