the world is dead
silent and
dead
and i sit alone
silent and dead
my hands turn
red
my face burns
red
my eyes stained
red
the people i thought knew me
are black and dead
silent
cold
fold me in half
crumble me away
burn my skin
like you do every day
i do not know
why i thought this was the way
i do not know
why i thought this was right
you had given me gifts
and i was filled with delight
until i saw them in illuminating light
they were bones
each of my fears
carved in the white
starved in my sight
summer was in full bloom
and i sat in a room
a tomb
burning with red
everything
silent and dead
quietness bled
into my ears
and it sang anxiously
heavy breaths
my hands shook
took me underground
away from sound
but it did not matter
for the world
was already dead
silent and dead
screaming red
screaming to be fed
nostalgia of life overwhelms me
and i see your face
laughing in mine
as we seal a final kiss
that i didn't want
to be the last time
and i know you regret me
i know you wish you
could have stepped away
from insanity
but what is love
without insanity
what is a kiss
without the passion
of crazy
crazy for you
crazy for me
bless our hearts
we were caught in the
chaos of sanity
stolen by the crashing waves
of insanity
and i remember being alive
oh you and i
so alive
so in tune
with the gentle steps
our racing feet took
it was all surreal
so real
yet i waited
for the earthquakes to shake us
for the world to rearrange us
but i took the step
took that fatal leap
to show us how real
we were
how pain could feel
when neither of us wanted
it to end
but i needed reality
as you meandered in a fantasy
regret this
regret me
regret us
regret that final kiss
regret everything
consider making me
or breaking me
consider loving me
or hating me
consider stealing me
or losing me
consider loving me
for me
but i know that is not real
but a mere fantasy
collect my heart in a pocket
where you hold many
and all of them
are silent and dead
silence is red
my heart bears a heavy stone
and i know it is your heart
that i hold
and i wonder
why am i not
silent
why am i not dead
why must i only burn
       -
agonizing
atomic
delusional
i am delusional
lost in this thought
seeing you burning beside me
red
everything is red
the green of old firs
burns red
and no
no it is not fire that i see
no it is not sunlight that i see
for even the sun
agonizingly red
hope that one day
we shall not burn
silent and dead
terrified and red
catastrophe follows me
like a lost child
yet catastrophe is solely
silent and dead
regret me
please before i think too much
too soon
i would like to know
if love
is silent
is dead
is love
red

Keep your bones in your body,
Keep your brain in your skull,
Keep your blood pumping.

There's a dream to be lived.

Don't rob the world of that beauty.

You are one of a kind.

I will sing from the grave
and silence
will be my song

What am I
To a million people
Whose names are numbers
Waiting to be counted?

What am I
Other than a mispronounced name
And a character of no value
Who often becomes forgotten?

What am I
Aside from being a drunken thought
Whose name you scream
And whose heart wrenches at your drunken sight?

What am I
When I become frustrated
At how much I love you
But can't find the right words to say?

What am I
To you
When all I've ever been used to being
Is nothing?

your freckles are my favorite constellation
and i mapped each one
and i traced each one
and i sketched each one
until i felt closer to you

someday
you will look at me
and no longer love me
in fact
someday
you will look at me
and no longer see me
rather
you will see millions of
ghost stories
that you thought you had drowned
with each sip of cheap liquor
that you continue to pour
down your charred throat
your charred tongue
and your black teeth
that are only black
when they smile at me

and i want to be able to look
at your face again
and simply see
stars
that i can lose myself in

i spilt tea on my floor
tonight
and it reminded me of you
the way the sticky sweet
coated each tile
the way it stuck to my skin
like an undeniable sin
like you
suicidal tendencies
with starved remedies
breathe me in like a camel ninety nine
i parch your mouth
and chap your lips
like a deceitful crime
i am the sound of silence
that plasters your room
you sit there like it's your
self-proclaimed tomb
and i sit here awaiting
a silent conversation
to resume
my thoughts are absurd
and obscured
and they twist and churn
rarely settling
as though they are waters post stir
i do not like being less than
and i am afraid i am never more than
and i'm always settling
for less than
because i am
less than
hot tea sticks to my lips
and i can feel a death sentence on
my tongue
and it tastes like ***
mixed with ***** and wine
and i cannot comprehend why
i would make such a drink
but i cannot comprehend
why i do much of
anything
you say i am thunder
that you love the sound of me
but in my wake you blunder
and i realize
how i am a horror story
that you shoved with the rest of
the skeletons in your closet
and i realize
i reek the most
instigated arguments
tearing parchments
isolated little girl
i am alone
i am alone
i am alone
i am surrounded by people
but i am alone
do you hear me screaming
for you to look at me
and see me
for all you see is
sticky sweet
like i am spilt tea
you could lap up
on your charcoal tongue
cancer smells good on you
it smells like lilac lullabies
like lavender daydreams
and lily sighs
you are a nightmare
lost in a fantasy
of being something real
and i am alone
lost in a reality
of wanting adventure and fantasy
but nobody could foresee
the greenest of envies
that sat in my fragile mind
all i could feel anymore
was blind
for i cannot see
i cannot feel
i cannot breathe
help me
my heart is not beating
and i can feel it rising
to the ceiling of my throat
i'm afraid i will choke
each of my organs have shifted upwards
i cannot think
my tongue is not in my mouth
rather it sits in your hand
and you dip it into spilt tea
before asking if i would like a drink
i am smoke
sifting down your throat
chasing all of the memories
of happiness that no longer
sit in your chest
instead they dance
and adhere to the floor
as hot tea sticks like glue
and holds you hostage
and my thoughts run rampant
and spill onto my floor
with the black tea
that suppresses my urge to breathe
and it is like it is spilling into my lungs
and you ask me
if this is fun
but you hold my tongue in your fist
and my lips still feel smothered
by your kiss
because your lips feel like
your fist
and my blood oozes
like spilt tea
and you want to take a drink.

the oil bubbles under my skin
and i am sinful
he whispers, "baby, sin for me"
and i grin because he has no idea
what fire he has just lit
and i make sure he is
sure
because there is no going back
once the tornado i am is released
from it's butterfly cage
and he smirks and whispers,
"baby, have i ever been uncertain
when it comes to you"
and so i draw the curtains
around us with pencil and pen
and i ask again
if he is sure
and he whispers, "baby, sin for me"

and so i grab a blade
and run it down my tongue
because he likes his girls silent
and so i obtain a gun
**** it and put it on my temple
and pull the trigger
because he likes his girls brainless
and so the oil bubbles out of my mouth
and it spills onto my *******
because he likes his girls hot
searingly so
and so i draw my sword
and cut out my lungs
because he likes his girls breathless
and so i tear a cigarette out of it's pack
and light it
because he likes his girls rebellious
and so i kiss his lips
and rip his tongue out with my teeth
because i want him speechless
and i can tell from his sparkling eyes
that i was more than he bargained for
and so i put myself together
and whisper,
"baby, sin for me"
and leave
for i am sinful.