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Derrek Estrella Feb 2020
Pianos are crashing inside my head as the yellow light of the city and the sun force me into an excruciating halt. An affectionate young man- who is now old, yet remembers the skin he shed- sighs about ****** premonitions through the medium of digital frequencies. A car edges its way to my side- my father tells me “we’re almost there”- the car is positioned in such a contrived way that should I turn my attention exactly ninety degrees rightwards, I would be obliviously vying for the driver’s attention. The thought unnerves me, so I encourage my divagated musings elsewhere. Why did my father tell me that we were nearing our destination? Did he meekly say it, with the meagre velleity of keeping me aware of my surroundings? Where else could my head go, but up?
Pedestrians, their knees adorned with snow trinkets, fall within my periphery. As our car fit itself into a fleeting crevice on the cliff face of concrete, I adjusted my vision into a volitional telescope, narrow and explorative. Among the constellation of humans lay writers in poses denoting propriety, cigarettes suggesting esotericism, and face begging for denial. Facsimiles of these characters dance between the ivory-laced walkways of the interconnected district. I am disgusted by this labile beauty. I am fearful that I will witness its extinction.
I crossed the indifferent street, sure that my haste wasn’t apparent, and therefore, non-existent.
“Disappointingly, the record store sat waiting, knowing of my excitement”, said a fool, pricking my ear. I almost ran for an officer, indignant in my role as a victim to his verbal impotence. When I regained my composition, I paid full attention to the unassuming door between a burger shack and some unidentifiable after-thought-structure. This door, pedestrian to most, contains within it what a common walker would consider heaven. It is, to me, a strenuous Sunday stroll of impulse and and opulence. There is no point in resisting that which makes me happy yet unstable. I could not do without it. To deny is to doubt the music that I loved, and am currently beholden to by chains; the lobotomical sort.
I scoured the store and bough the prized possession. It was quite probably a Tim Buckley record. Here comes a man, quick and close, with a chartreuse disposition.
“I see you thinkin’ kid, it makes my brain throw up alllll funny things. If my erradition ever had anyin’ ta say, it’d shout that you’s too rowdy a rider.” Good sir, a sharp mind and apt humour is all I need to keep myself from harm. I wrote that down, walkings as if the stiff block was nothing but. Such a misdemeanour, to be so passive. I lingered forward and onwards.
Derrek Estrella Feb 2020
Remember this: if it has been forgotten, then it was well said and is now well dead.
Derrek Estrella Feb 2020
As the rage builds
And froths and bubbles
It meets a point or two
A threshold of guilt
Of ever holding it in
And for the release
It is sighed as sadnees
And nothing more
And is so much less
Than its primal state
I am left diluted
And neutered
So useless
Even in my most terrible light
Derrek Estrella Feb 2020
The ticket inspector,
Or, collector
Otherwise known as
The Ticketeer
Anticipates me foolishly
With great stalactites of sweat
Immersing him
I deny him the pleasure
And stroll into the washroom
Derrek Estrella Feb 2020
Take your idle day
And gasp in abject horror
When it slips away
Past the dime-sized hole
Of a bygone tomorrow
Derrek Estrella Feb 2020
The fool wastes none of their time when they speak their nonsense. It is the suit who hides their head in anger and shame for the minutes they had wasted. Be like the fool; know what interests you, speak freely of your desires, and treat your attention as a commodity.


Speak not with your mind but instead, with your mouth. Learn to tether the two and treat the mouth as the anvil and the mind as the arm. No iron will be molded by that arm, but no contact will be made without it.
Your mouth is your tool.
Your mind, the weapon.
Know the difference.


Hold back the urge, but don’t close your eyes. Anything but that void, do not sink into it. You must learn how to maintain yourself. Know what must be oiled, what must be strained, what must be loved, what must be left well alone.
Derrek Estrella Feb 2020
And ripped from immaculate dreams
Are the abhorrent beasts that haunt me
And they grossly linger far longer
Than the euphoria that taunts me
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