I tried to be Insta-famous
Insecurities celebrated
Half naked, for the attention
High on pillies, money, vacation
With every notification
Filling the void behind my left breast
I worked for it
With body goals like this

Rock solid abs
Icon: fire and 100%
A whole snack
A girl that don't crack

Strip on that pic
Like Cardi B on that pole
Dancing around men
With the only goal of getting rich

Hurt them
Slight curl at the corner of my pillow lips
Ruin them
Feed the feed with self-admiration

It was the meds
or was it?

Inner ego
Remain incognito
Only every other photo
Only then you can show
How you could work that camera phone

No one ever told me getting high outta my mind till 9 meant that I wasn’t acting fine
Numbing out the pain I can’t remember my name or the numbers we gave
Addicted to the PTSD and the tests you had me take
Leave me in this lost lake and the dreams I believed weren’t fake

I come down for something to make
Fix my hunger with some left overs or some cake
The bottle whispers my name and the percentages got me going insane
Knowing that 14% won’t get you off my brain

Coming at me like a tidal wave
I thought you had me saved
Hallucinating about you rolling up
Getting high on WA-20 and playing the best cuts

I feel so alone so I pull out my iPhone and text:
Purple heart emoji
You don't know me
You never knew me
I was manic me
Did you fall in love with me?

Backspace

Texting hearts and smiley ****
They're for my crew
And for the love I thought I had with you
Should I drive to the Southside, get lit n both with you?
Should I bring this crew?
Tripping all over you

Its been a minute since we kicked it
so I take another hit and
reminiscing about that spliff and
**** it so you’re not missed and

Stoney
Let’s play some Post Maloney and get a little toasty
Low-key coasting until we finish that Gold Leaf
Corny as ****, but this is how my mind gets stuck

Wasted Times is what I’m trying to be good at
But can I waste that time with you?