Back when I was a little girl,
If you complimented me,
I would smile and say "thank you.'
I would feel like a princess,
beautiful and bright.
Now,
When you compliment me,
I just look at you,
Brows furrowed in confusion.
My whole world would stop,
suspended in time.
I would feel like you must be lying.

I don’t want to stand, but I don’t want to sit.
It’s like life’s lost its meaning, my flames been unlit.
I’m boring now, and I never know what to do.
I want to be active, but I won’t even move.
I try to think, but hate my thoughts.
There’s so much I must do, but im too tired to even talk.
I want to get up, but won’t.
It’s like my battery is all run out,
and now I’m left with a broken soul.
I always feel so…
Empty.
Useless.
Bored.
I no longer have purpose, I’m just so done.
I guess life’s chewed me up and spit me out.
That’s just what happens.
But now what do I do?
Because I really don’t want to sit here any longer,
and I’m just not in mood to stand to.

And it hurts the most
When you try everything
And you still feel
Like someone is constantly twisting your chest
And banging on the inside of your mind

I know I told I didn’t want to go out
But the truth is I could not
I want to scream at the top of my voice
The knot in my throat doesn’t give me that choice
My heart beats a million miles a minute
It’s almost funny that I worry it will suddenly not
They say all I need to do is ******* breathe
I’m already doing that, more than I should
It is said that it’s always good to be prepared
Trust me, there’s not a single what if I’ve missed
The sound of a raised voice leaves me spiralling
Unfortunately that voice is always in my head
I have completely withdrawn from the world
Everyday in my bed I lay curled
It seems to have made a home in me
This thing, that no one can see
It continues to tear me apart bit my bit
And I just let it, without even putting up a fight
Just give me the magic pill
To make it go away
Before I get too comfortable
Being this way