Light meets dark
Inside my heart
Battle between
Right and wrong
I’m broken Into parts
Angel vs devil
I try to decide
But both dominate
And I’m left
To keep switching sides
The dark slowly wins
And I begin to wither
My heart grows old
And I become bitter
The dark has won
I have lost
Take me oh darkness
To the place of the lost

It’s 12 am
The struggle is just beginning
I toss and turn
If I can locate the right spot
Maybe I’ll finally fall asleep

It’s 1 am
Music pours into my ears
I try to get swept away
If I can find the right lullaby
Maybe I’ll finally fall asleep

It’s 2 am
Thoughts race in my head
Going over every mistake
If I can think of the perfect scenario
Maybe I’ll finally fall asleep

It’s 3 am
A sitcom plays in the background
I listen to the fake laughter
If I come across something comforting
Maybe I’ll finally fall asleep

It’s 8 am
I don’t know know what time I slept
But I know it is the time
To get up and go to work
And pretend everything’s okay.

I wander through the mall alone
Listening to pink floyd on my phone
I go to a café to have some beer
Seeing me alone they all sneer
I take a selfie in a pretty mirror
Such a sad life, I hear them whisper
I try on some clothes unaware
That I never usually go anywhere
But there’s something about today
For the first time I don’t feel dismay
I don’t have anxiety about being out
No, not even a tiny amount!!
I’m happy and I don’t feel lonely
Even though it’s just for a day only.

my chest
doesn't scream --
it hums
with a stabbing pain
too polite
to interupt.

my soul
it still reaches
for hands
that no longer
reach back
to me.

Relate (v) :To make connection
I don’t relate anymore
My oldest girl friends
Are Having kids and building family
But All I really want to do
Is just get through the day
I joined a discord server
A safe space for women to talk
But I can’t get myself
To tell them how not okay I am
Everyone in this world
Seem to be on a different frequency
Try hard as I might
I just can’t get it right
It sometimes felt like I almost did
But then they went and changed it instead.