I'm tired** of being used
I'm tired of not being good enough
I'm tired of constantly harming myself to feel something
I'm tired of crying all the time
I'm tired of waiting for something to happen that isn't going to happen
I'm tired of waiting to be happy
I'm tired of not being okay
I'm tired of being hopeless
I'm tired of being in emotional pain
I'm tired of everything
I'm tired of being tired

I am
So tired.
I am cold
And white
And blind.
On my wrists,
Defensive wounds
From a vicious love,
From the kisses
Of a black asp
With constellation eyes.

I have been reliving my death.
I have been choosing
That sweet, frigid venom,
An addict dripping poison into my veins.

But I am
So tired.
I am spent
And lost
And alone.
There are bruises on the soft insides of my arms
From a habit of worshiping
Sharp things.
Under my fingernails,
Dark soil
Evidence of a grave I've overcome
Too many times
And a struggle I've won
At a cost.

I am sick of death.
Sick of attending funerals for the futures I lose
Brutally and unexpectedly.
I am sick of being tolerated.
I am sick of being
Sorry.
I want to feel life in me.
I want to learn the taste of sunlight
And safety.
Of forgiveness--
I hear
It is sweet as warm honey.
(I wouldn't
Know)

I have gazed....
Oh, I have gazed long,
And the void saw me
As I saw it.
And long after I wished I could look elsewhere
I stood, gorgonized, on the edge.

Hold my hand.
Remind me that I have hands.
Spread light
In me.
Forgive me for my gravity as I lean forward on that hollow breeze that's always calling.
Pull me back and keep me
Steady.

I will never be
On solid ground.
I will never be easy.
I will never be
Safe.
I am half light and half shadow,
Half joy and half pain,
Half kindness and half anger.
I am a great, twisted tree,
With my branches in heaven
And my roots
In hell.
Love that in me,
Will you?
Will somebody?
I am ready
To bloom.
I am ready
To live.
I am ready to be exactly
What I am.

As winter steals the day from out the skies, you stole the beauty from out my eyes, the leaves fall and are washed out to sea, i'm struggling to go on the pain will let me be, darkness washes over my soul disguising the brakes but everybody knows, they see the tournament in my eyes, they know the truth behind my lies they see the broken dreams left behind, and the twinkle that never shines, a shadow of my former self, a tired mind low on health, on the edge too late to see what heaven has in store for me, it's purgatory that hold my soul, once alchemists turn lead to gold, or until she returns to set me free, to complete    my heart and be forever with me.

I drift, the still beating of my heart even louder than before, my body just an empty vessel laying on the floor.

The force that keeps me alive, draining, my empty eyes raining, I struggle to concentrate my mind lost to a million different thoughts, yet they are all the same.

How did I get like this, lonely, she's not beside me, I gasp for breath, I can't find her. Where has she gone, she's missing, moments of the last hug, the last kiss flash in my crowded mind.

The hands of the clock ticking, counting down, each second echoes around my soul causing terrible pain like a blade cutting through me.

I'm lost in a maze of feelings and I can't find my way back, I need help, I need her.