She's perfect
Too perfect
Living the life dreamed of
And being who I've dreamed to be
She's different
she's not what I'm use to seeing
Shes more
Only a freshman and already amazing
She didn't have an ugly stage
She was just always the epitome of ideals
Shes unattainable
Yet standing right in front of me
She's perfect
Too perfect

THIS IS MY ATTENTION GRABBER
This is how I plan to have you hooked
I can tell you how I cut
But never broke skin
Or I can tell you how I'm lost
About how I hurt my only friend
I can tell you about my father
Or my innocent sister
About my broken mother
Or my uninvited mister
I can tell you all these things
To get you to listen
Pain is my attention grabber
Are you listening?

I am not black
Yes my skin represents a culture
And idea
A vision
A notion carried through generations
Being African American
But my attitude
It doesn't show the reality of the situation
I have never seen the movie roots
I don't like potato salad
the n word doesn't slither of my lips
and a lot of the black jokes I just don't get
I'm not black
and I'm sorry to have to admit it

Welcome to the new age
-Imagine Dragons

When I was younger, I saw a meteorite
It fell from the orange sky
I watched it fly in front of me
I was sitting in the back of my family's jeep
Pointing forward,
Eyes glistening,
“Dad..”
“Look there..”
Before him was a white streak in the sky heading down
As if something was announcing
I was here
“It's a plane..” He said
Quickly diminishing my dream
Quickly disregarding what I think
That could have made me lose hope but I didn’t
My eyes still glistened
Looked up knowing it wasnt of this world
That this white streak was all that was left behind
As something miraculous came from the sky
It was special
Different and I knew it
No matter how many times he told me it was nothing
How many times I reiterated that it was more than that
That it was everything
That it was mysterious
And out of this world
He claimed it was nothing
That it  was the same
No ounce of doubt in his mind
He saw a plane
But I saw a meteorite

Throughout my life
I never saw someone that special
So beautiful  that they left white streaks in their wake
So amazing that I would of risked wrecking my car
Just to see the allure they can create
I knew she was out of this world
And what we had was special
Different
But my dad claimed it was nothing
We were just friends
And my love was misinterpreted
Quickly diminishing my dream
Quickly disregarding what I think
But my eyes still glistened  
As the sight of her
There was no one I loved more
My dad swore what we had was nothing
While I swore it was the opposite
That it was everything
That it was beauty
And it was special
And it was different

Later on the news
The reporter spoke of a meteorite that fell in my county
The picture he showed was exactly what I thought it would be
“Wow” my dad said
“You were right”

"Truth or dare?" Emma said. She was drunk, so instead of the words coming out crisp, they all mended together created a word that sounded like, "Turthordar". Georgia could help but smile. "Truth." she had done way too many dares that night, she had to take of her shirt, try and chug a gallon of milk(and fail completely), and kiss a cat. "Wuss." Garry said. Georgia rolled her eyes and smiled, she loved her friends. "Do you believe in true love?" Emma questioned.
"No" Georgia replied as if she didn't need time to think."True love is love without a price, but all the love is this world always cost people something. Whether it is happiness, a home, or family love always steals something from you, and kills you from the inside when it leaves you."
"Wow," Gary said "You are such a buzz ****." Georgia chuckled as Garry took another swig out of Emma's bottle. Georgia heard the garage door open. "Shot my dad is home, you guys have to go, now the take the liquor with you,"
"What are we suppose to do? We can't drive."
She stared around the room for a second, and sighed.
"Ugh fine go upstairs to my room. Don't come down no matter what happens."
"What does that mean-"
"NOW"
Emma and Gary shuffle up the stairs as the garage door closes, and Georgia pulls out her braille bible. The door closes.

You gave me a reason to live

I hate you for stealing my only escape from my life

Schizotypal
Borderline
Histronic
Narcissistic
Avoidant
Dependent

This is the world we live in
And I don't feel safe here
Scared to walk down the street in broad daylight
Hiding in fright
While people **** in pure spite

This is the world we live in
And I'm scared as hell
The bad guys are everywhere
And some of them wear uniforms
So who do I call when I'm hurt?

This is the world we live in
Where safety is unheard of
A terrorist attack is more likely
than a black man getting arrested calmly
And **** whistles are a necessity

This is the world we live in
And this world *scares me

My name is chloe
but you can call me liz

I changed my name becasue chloe
isnt the girl you thought she is
you see chloe
was a diffrent me
kept everything bottlede up so no one will see

that is why i want to change my name from chloe
no one understands liz
but that is because seh's not fake
no one cares about liz
because she pushes the people she loves away
liz isnt suicidal
because liz doesnt care

liz is who i am now
but chloe will always be there

There once was a girl named Chloè
She was tall and really skinny
She told everyone lies
So they wouldn't see through her disguise
She didn't want to keep on living

I think im fat on some level even thoguth i know im not

I never understand myself

I lie so much I dont know what is true

I hate hurting people but everything i do seems to have a negative affect on someone I love

I hate disapointing people

I love when people disapoint me

I think suicide is selfish
and i hate that i have tried it 4 times

I wish I could be perfect for everyone
Even if i lose myself

I wish I could let someone else live my life while i just disapear

I fall in love with to many people I lose

I push away all of my freinds so they dont push away me

When I was younger i use to hit my legs with hammers so i wouldnt have to run track so i could stay home and help my mom (Why my knees always hurt)

I dont want people to care about me

And yet all I want to do is know you care

I want my father to hurt me so bad I'm not recognizable
Then I will finally feel the hurt I have wanted to feel my whole life

I forgot how to cry

When I was younger my best freind died of cancer

I use to be able to think of somethign sad and cry on demand

I just want someone to **** me

I day dream about murdering, hooking up, and ****** almost every one I see at random moments and I cant controll it.

Im sitting here

thinking about what to write

and all i can think about is you

the curves of your face

the beautiful melody of your voice

and the amazing opinions

you shared with everyone

and i wonder

why was the only person who couldnt see your beauty was you

why where you holding the gun

why couldnt you see your own beauty

why did you leave me

now im sitting here

hurting

wondering

why couldnt you see your beauty?

I was a good kid
I Kept tighty
I snitched on the wrongs people did
Until everyone hated me for it
Snitches get stitches
For the longest time i didn't listen
Until people started to ignore me because of it
Until i lost friends because of it
Until i was told i was stupid because of it
No one wanted to talk to me cause of it
Tragic
A little girl in 3rd grade being told she's worthless
Because she didn't think you where suppose to write on the board when the teacher wasnt in the room
Because she didn't think cursing was allowed at her private school
Yes i went to private school
Plaid skirt and all
It was as if from 7 to 3 i was there Barbie doll
Dress me up
Skirt and all
Then tell me what to say
The lies you make me say decayed my teath away
The secretes tucked inside of me made me feel afraid
In the 4th grade i was scared of my reflection
In the 5th grade i began to show all they said i was and
Wasn't ready for that
Speaking of the 5th grade i went to public school
Suprise
Barbie got put from maximum security
To a weaker division
Security wasnt as tight
So the other kids wkrds didn't lessen
Bullying went from this hobby to thier full time expression
Until some people promised they liked me
Told me to touch other people
And let other people touch me
Until i was something
And i kept quite
Because snitches got snitches
They started fat jokes in the 6th grade
Poking at my stomache
Metaphorically Writing fatty at my grave
And at this time i want exactly sane
So to stay friends
They said
I had to get skinny
And the best at they did that was to stop eating
Give them my food and i get nothing
With My stomach fat i could survive years on empty
With my stomach fat i was the reason africa went hungry
The best way to stop world hunger
They said
Was to **** me
So i stopped eating
And like every other mental disorder it grew into an obsession
Ana was its nane
And it was like a growing infection
Ana is more than a disease
Its a professional temptress
Baby let me see your porcelain bones
breath in until your lungs explode
Feel more than you can control
and let me take over
I let get take over
But my parents couldn't know
The lies dripped out of my mouth
Like how the snow escapes the cloud
I got lost in a blizzard
Lies and ana and lies and ana
Who needed friends when i had depression
Who needed friends when i was headed towards perfection
Reapeated that i was happy till i believed it
Than she came along
Told me that real friends didn't hurt you like that
And that i was already perfect
That i life was worth living
And that i could escape depression
Promised she wouldnt leave me
Promised she wouldn't hurt me
I wasnt the only one with a lieing problem
You see we where both unstable
Dragging eachother down
So niether of us are alone
Dieing together was better than living apart
Until are decided she wanted better
Like she was drowing and i was an anchor tied to her
She cut me lose
So she could get to the surface
And i sank lower than ever before
Her exact words where i just can't bring myself to care anymore
The worst part is
I thought it was my fault
That i did something to make everyone hate me
That i was a problem in this world
And I just had to realize it
All she said was lies she recanted once she found out who i really was
She hurt me
Than called me the liar
So this is where i am now
Sinking
Trying to teach myself how to swim
Alone
I can't lie my way through this one
And ana cant give me oxygen
Im trying to get over it
But im lost in this blizzard
And i can't find my way home

People say they aren't racist and thats a flat out lie
I mean they no longer separate our kind
but they act like color doesn't survive
these people are color blind
they don't admit that I'm  different
and I'm tired of it
people take of your mask
and show your face
we are still people but we are people of a different race

I dont understand him
one second he loves me
and the next
the next
well the next girl is already in his DMs
and I'm left as nothing

I dont understand her
she smiles at all I say
yet cries when shes alone
pretend she has no one
yet its my heart she owns

I dont understand anything
its to complicated for me
I can't discuss spatial topics
because I'm not open minded enough see

I dont get it
I dont get anything

Dont get upset you dont know the real me
I dont know her either

As the flowers bloom
Pollen graces the air and
Spring is here

I stopped creating
For a long time I didn't make anything
I wasn't writing
Singing
Dancing
Or Expressing
I was depressed
But didn't know it
Smiling through it
I lost myself
And that's scary
I lost my self
And didn't care for thinking
It was bliss
But a false paradise
Seriously
That struck fear inside my body
I'm stuck here trying to figure out
What's wrong with me

The funny part is that I can't tell the difference between want and need. When your want is so strong it makes you limbs twitch and force your mind to stop functioning it's pretty easy to forget you don't need something. It's easy to forget that its bad for you when it's the only thing that will make the pain stop. Even though you constantly remind me I can fight it, it's hard for me to remember that when all I can think about is.... I can't stop going back to it. I can't tell the difference between want and need.

A religous freak is what they called me
well i say this is not religion
this is the safety net i fall to when all other things fail
this is hope
the fuel that keeps me going
long after all of my friends have stopped
this is not religion
this is a relationship with someone who will never fail me
this
this is the never ending love i will feel till the end of time
while you spend your days feeling
empty
empty becuase wont live knowing his love
his grace
the things he does to make your life great
and dont say it isnt
because there are people out there
worse of than you
who would die to have a pair of Jordans
or any type of shoes
this is not religion
this is knowledge of whats out thier
realizing what you refuse
taking blame for what you do
instead of hating the person who tells you what you do is sin
Love the God who gives you a way back from it
he makes you whole
helps you let it all go
but no matter how much you hate your soul
he can show you love
more than you deserve
make you feel better than the drugs that leave you wanted more
or the person who leaves you crying on the floor
God will never leave you
its as simple as that
this is not religion
its the love that keeps my soul intact
keeps me whole
God will never let me go
this is not a religion
its a raltionship that only me and God know

I want you here

so i can make crystal clear

that i love you

and that its not your fault i will no longer be here

that its not your fault I started to disapear

and please know
the person you fell in love with

is no longer near

Have you ever stared at a blank page
wondering about what it will be
how you can change  it
to make something amazing
all it's possibility
to be great
and how it can change things
i think that is how God looks at me

“Poetry is better when your write about yourself”
They say this to me
Repeatedly
But what they don't understand is no one cares about me
people read poetry for healing
So how is me telling people my pain helping?

I think poetry is better
When I talk about beauty
When I describe the sun taking over the sky
And the waves licking the shore

I think poetry is more creative
When I convey someone else's life
When I try to write from their perspective
And see what they are dealing with

Poetry is better
When the words mean something other
Than just depressing life stories
And healing for yourself

Because when you write for others
Your words mean something
Your ideas come to life in someone's mind
And can free them from themselves

Poetry is more than just self therapy
It's using words to heal things
To help people
And to show them they aren't alone

Poetry isn't better when I write about myself
My readers need help with what they go through
Poetry is better when you write about things that matter
Not just things that matter to you

He was tortured
and humilated
for me

He was hung on the cross
while people screamed hurtful things
for me

He rose from the dead
and from Satin he took the key
for me

He broke chains for me
made a path that I can see
A path that lead to heaven
he did that, for me

Jesus died for me

You never told me
and i shouldnt be upset because i never told you anything either

You dont know me
so at this point im tired of you pretending you do

You are keeping me safe
but you havent protected me from anything
all you are doing is protecting yourself
from what i will think
when you tell me serious things

and by serious things
i do not mean the people you are dating
or what you like on a womans body

I mean what keeps you up at night
I mean what keeps you going
and what makes you wanna stop
I mean the stuff you havent told anyone

but the thing that hurts me the most
is that instead of telling the person you have known and has 'protected' since we where half our afe
instead of telling me

you tell a girl you just met
One of my friends

and she told me
even after you told her not to

cause you are protecting me
and now you are laying on the floor hurting

but i can bet i am hurting more than you
because your pain is physical

but i am going through mental abuse

You don't understand me
and i will make sure you never do

so realize you cant protect me anymore

you cant protect me from you

you ruined me, i can't trust anymore

Baking Cupcakes
Broken Cutters
Bleeding Children
Black Color
Backing Circles
Before Christ
Beautiful Children
Blessings Come
Blank Canvas

Whispers
Some people say be proud
they believe in loud
but I believe in whispers
the last words of a man on his dyeing bed
the way those words stay in my head
the whispers of people talking behind my back
hurt me every time they giggle and laugh
the whispers of the girl who always is quite
the whispers your friend tells you in your ear
whispers are all I want to hear
loud is good
but whispers are better
because when someone whispers you always remeber

I use to tell myself I liked celery
That I loved the tasteless crunch
And how it always got stuck in my teeth
I told myself I loved eating it
And it was all I ate
"Celery helps you lose calories I said"
Not that that's why I was eating it
Not that think I need to lose weight
I mean have you seen me
Even though deep. Down I wish y haven't
I use to cut them up into small pieces
And eat them each slowly because
"It's takes your body 20 minuets to realize its full"
As if 3 cut up pieces of celery would fill me
You never finish your plate
One of the lesser rules of the Ana commandments
And yes I followed the Ana commandments
But i didn't have a problem
You see al I wanted to be as light as a feather
So light that when trouble came the wind would take me away
So light that I will float higher than their expectations
So far up and I can't see how I let them down
It wasn't an addiction
I wasn't mentally Ill
I just wanted to be thin
I wanted to be so tiny that I became translucent
People can look through me and see all the things I was to scared to say out loud
I was never a good liar
So when asked if I eat I just laughed and changed the subject
You see people don't look to hard at you
If you learn how to smile and nod
I could see my ribs piercing at the edge of my skin
My shoulder blades looked like wings so maybe one day I could know how it felt to truly fly
And truly be free
My spine riddled my back as if it spelled out help me in Brail
My collar bone perturded  out so I could follow it to my shoulder
I had no muscle
All the widget I had came from my burden of trying to be perfect
Held on my back as my knees buckled under the weight of my own requirements
I was 5'6
And I weighed 105 pounds
Oh how I wanted to get under 3 digits
The numbers were important to me
The number of calories in my lunch and how I could lower them
How many days I would starve
Until my hip bones looked like hers
I was so skinny I started to see the girl in magazines as fat
And every time I stood up the room would go black
But I knew how to hid he dizziness
And he bruises I would get from little things
Baggy clothes
And jokes about high metabolism
Kept people from looking to hard
No one looked close enough
I wanted to be porcelain
As rare as a diamond
And as fragile as my self esteem
So I taught myself to love celery
But never how to love myself

By this time next year
I wonder where I will be
This page shows my identity
The wrongs and rights done to me
What I'm feeling is evident in all my readings
So what will my hello poetry say
This time next year
I hope it's happy
I hope my poems read with an element of sanity
But who knows
Maybe I won't be alive to write anything
I honestly wonder where I will be
This time next year

Sometimes I wonder am i just like a blank canvas
waiting for someone to come along and make me amazing

Him: I have such a hard life, no one cares about me but you
                                                                ­            
                                                    ­                                                      i dont care
                                                            ­                                                 delete
                                                        ­                                         I dont love you
                                                                ­                                              delete
          ­                                                                 ­                                  I'm a liar
                                                            ­                                                  delete
      ­                                                                 ­                                 I'm suicidal
                                                        ­                                                      delete
  ­                                                                 ­                  I wish i could help you
                                                                ­                                              delete
          ­                                                                 ­                         I'm to far gone
                                                                ­                                              delete
          ­                                                                 ­                                   Me too:her

Who am I really?
My friend asked me this question(And it was not you nina)
who are you really?

Who am I really?
I don't really know
because at home
I act for my family

at school
I act for my friends

at church
I act for the preachers

and alone
I act for myself

so who am I really?
I don't know
and I never stop asking