You should go to therapy*

Well you should open your eyes
Don't pretend im the only one dead inside
I just show it
More than i can say of you
You hid it all behind all you jokes
A meaniless thing to do
So who.needs freaking therapy
Definitely not me
I know how i am
And i have people who care for me
Unlike you who actually needs therapy

I keep losing followers....



but i realized

that despite the desprate fight of some


to get followers


I dont care.

I mean I know my poetry is good

if I have 12 followers


or 12000 followers


because I believe in myself

and you dont have to follow me

I dont mind

I dont need followers

I will get those

in time

I miss him
I would give anything right now to hear his voice
To look into his eyes
And touch his hair
Sometimes I forget what people say about him
I forget he was 'abusive'
I guess love does make you blind
Because while everyone sees this monster
I see the only guy who ever loved me
And I guess only monsters can love me
Or only hurt people who hurt people can love me
Or only he can love me
Regardless that's over now
And the only thing I can think of is sneaking out like I use to
Knock on his door  at 3 am
Just to see his face
Hear whatever he has to say
But I can't do that anymore
I burned that bridge when everyone told me to
And all I want is to take that back
Because now my life lacks
I miss him
But I guess the doesn't matter now
I wonder of how if how i feel ever did

They called him....
They called him things
he told his parents
But they never believed
People don't like to see
Pain
To them it was a game
But he was drowning in hate
And no one heard him scream
Can you hear him scream?
he got tripped in the hallway
His sanity was ripped at the seams
he was a nobody
Till Saturday the fifteenth
what are you gonna do about it?
he pull out of his  back pack
They laughed
stupid ***** what are you gonna do about that?
he pulled out a gun
And aimed right under his hat
do it, I know you can't
your to much of a ***** to do that
he was gonna pull the trigger
he almost did
But he turned it on himself
he couldn't deal with it
he had to get them to stop talking
Or he would have to stop listening
afterwards most of the people cried
Some were never the same
But one kid laughed
I knew you couldn't shot me *****
His death was in vain

What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
What would you do with no strings attachted
What would you do if you new no one would care
what you do if no one was thier
Who would you be  if you knew nobody would judge you?
Who would you be with no strings attachted
Who would you beif you new no one would care
Who would you be if no one was thier

Desirable wasn't an adjective used to describe her
the only men that saw her beauty where twice her age
and the women who
well, didn't have the best intentions at heart
she was never asked to prom
never had a first kiss
and wasn't exactly attractive
no one thought she could make it
until she did

You thought I would fail
You expected me to crack
You wanted me to run and never look back
then your confused when I don't do that

Your pressure I pushed it of
Your challenge I took it
You told me I was nothing and I ignored it
I beat it

I didn't fall
I stood tall
I beat you all
You can't make me look small

Because I am unchangeable
Unbreakable
believable
not tolerable
but favorable
I am Unbeatable

You thought I would fail
you expected me to crack
but I beat you
and I'm never looking back

Love was fractured
Down in her soul
faith was tattered
Hope was torn
she was all together broken
What a notion
Giving somone the key to your heart
And letting them destroy it
Tear you apart
Then force you to live with it
Or don't
Live, that is
For they no longer care
It's not fair
Only your trust was teared
Wings were ripped from your back
To prevent you from flying
And they end up fine
With sanity in thier mind
No wonder you want to die
But sweety, there is time
You are stronger than this
You have strength fight
Don't give up
Continue to try
Because one day it will be alright
One day you will get your wings back
And one day you will fly

Hopefully one day you would realize its not that easy to"just be happy"

Dear Bully**
You can not push me down
I am powerful
You will not make me fall
I am capable
You will not change my mind
because I am unchangeble
Unshakable
Relatable
Belivable
I believe in the Bible
NO POWER FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER
I will move past her
I will survive
thrive
and no one has pushed me down to this day
I always make a way
and you cant tell me who I am
For goodness sakes
I know who I am
and I am great

People everywhere hurt bullies before they can hurt victims like me
they have riots to tell bullies they wrong
and it has lasted this long
Yet if they only took a second to see
what the victims thought of things
they would realize we don't think I don't thing they are right
They are trying to fight
this problem
and think that is wrong
because when  there is a fight someone gets hurt
The last thing i want is more hurt people
I actually feel bad for bullies
because all of America just pointed their guns towards them
their friends ignoring them
people they don't know hating them
talking about them
they must feel just like me
because that person, or bully was hurting before the victim
and now BRAVO! you made them feel worse then ever
and everyone keeps filling them with hurt
and when they are filled with hurt that is all they can give back
And then you get mad at that
"A is a bully
they can never change!"
Maybe they could change if you gave them a chance to start changing
lets walk through this shall we?
If you fill them with hurt
they give hurt back
But when you fill them with love what happens with that?
You see bullying isn't a fight we should be fighting
They are broken people we should be fixing
hurt people we need to be healing
rips in them need mending
we don't need to tear them apart
we need to put them back together
show them love from the heart
that is were bullying stops

I have 200 people following me
as if I am leader
I have 479 poems
as if I have the ability to write beauty
I am following 182 people
yet I still feel alone
so honestly
does what I accomplish mean anything?
or will it forever be equivalent to nothing

Blades like ceasure
but i suffer from amnesia
learned how to swim but never how to breathe under water
come to far but forgot what i lost
Im the definition of what never was

tried to breathe but ****** on nothing but vapors
second hand smoke full of generational curses
i tried praying but that wasnt really working
I tried getting lit but that wasnt really worth it
consume all that was around me till I was alone
and now im on my own
hakuna matata
but im too stressed for my own good
faith trust and pixie dust
but I'm not exactly sure where to find any of those things anymore
True loves kiss heals all
but how can somone love me if I dont love myself?
obssed with beauty
but cant find it in the mirror
i dived w=right into this life
but i cant breathe under water
the lady of the lake lured me by telling me I was beautiful
and that she needed me
but her 'true love's" kiss did nothing but drown me
im filled with blades like ceasur
petruding out my back from all the times ive been called a heathen
evertime they lied and said im what someone needed
so now im bleeding and pretending im living
but I must have amnesia
cause I just keep letting it happen
over and over and over
Im over it
come to far to forget what I lost
but the memories are whats keeping me for moving on
Trying so hard to stay strong
but im so
very
weak
im so gone im the definition of what never was
all thats left is a faint memory of me
thats not even who i really was

but i got blades like ceasure
i suffer from amnesia
learned how to swim but never how to breathe under water
come to far but forgot what i lost
Im the definition of what never was

I met God shes black

He kisses me
Our little secrets
He touches me
Or little secret
He loves me
Our little secret
He drugged me
Our little secret
He keeps me
Our little secret
I can't scream
Our little secret
I can't breathe
Our little secret
You're chocking me
Our little secret
He killed me
*Our little secret

It's one in the morning
My heart is racing and I can feel the pain I've felt for centuries
I can feel you leaving me
I can feel the tearing of my heart strings
The blades of betrayal in my back
And the tears running down my cheeks
I'm scared
More than I've ever been
Of losing you, Somone I love, again
OF going through that loniless
And depression again
OF losing another part of me
Because I'm not sure I have enough left to live with myself without you there
I need you
But you don't need me in fact you probably never did
I should accept it
Now
Before it happens
I should block your number
Stop going to lunch
Skip study hall and pretend we never met
Pretend you didn't soften my heart like I did
Pretend you didn't show me how to be happy again
How to truely feel again
Pretend you never existed
Forget all the jokes and remeber how to be alone again
I should just push you away
So I won't have to lose someone I love
Again

You never ask me if I'm okay anymore
Is that because you know the answer
Or do you no longer care enough to find out

You never ask me if I'm okay anymore
And I don't know why you didn't stop sooner
I lie everytime, so there's no reason for you to do it

You never ask me if I'm okay anymore
I guess you could say I never ask you
But that's only bacause I know there I things that you don't want to talk me through


You never ask me if I'm okay anymore
And I think this is where I start to lose you

When the world is darkest
Heroes see the stars
but don't so caught in the light
you cant see the dark

Please stay away
I don't want you to get hurt
I specialize in giving pain
I play you like a sport
I don't want you to leave me
But I want you to survive
I don't want you to be those before you
Leaving me when you're dead inside
So I'm sorry it has to be this way
I don't wanna make you cry
Please let me make it up to you
I will let you leave without fight
I know you hate my sorries
But I will grant you one more
I'm sorry for forcing you to leave
Watch yourself as I slam the door

Its unanimous
In otherwords all the shy people shut up
Forget what you think and put your hands up
Its unanimous
Your mouth is shut
All the word unanimous does
is throw the whispers in the dust

My mask is falling off

I'm starting to remember the old me

and how wounded

I actually am

because I hid behind closed doors

closed even from me

and now

they are opening

and I'm scared

of the monster

I might see

It's starting again
Like a cycle of depressing hopelessness
I'm going through it again
Different name and different face
But the script is still the same
I'm still the villain in this ******* play
And they treat me like a game
Eveytime it's the same
I always lose, so why do I even play?
I'm always forgetten so why do I always recognize your face?
I See you in everything and I know it's not okay
I try to forget you
But I can't bring myself to push you away
I have to bring myself to push you away
So maybe this time I can stay sane
And maybe we can both end up being okay
But I need you now
In this instant
Because it's starting again
I can't sleep
I can't eat
I can't think
I can't feel anything
The numbness is worse this time
It's like I'm color blind and the only time I can see the different shades of light
Is when I'm with you.
But I don't want to hurt you
Like I always do
I have to leave this time
Before I break you too
I have to leave you

I wonder if they remeber me
if im a force to be reckoned with
if when I speak I change atmospheres
or does no one really care?

Do I fill people with emotions
and do I cause a change
Am I someone people are scared to lose?
or someone no one wants to gain

I have lived my life
not wanting to have these questions answered
I have just always been so scared
that I have to come to terms with being normal

again

On swift wings death comes in the night
While children hide under thier bed in fright
Hold your pillow tight
And lately kids have seemed to invite
It in
Death comes on swift wings to take those who dont wanna be taken
To steal the breath from the child who hasnt yet learned to breathe
Take the ones we can't bear to be taken
And you invite it

Death comes in on swift wings
Your child goes please mommy protect me

It will all be over soon

Then death comes on swift winds
Takes an angel before it learned how to breathe

SPEAK

But the childs mouth hasn't had a chance to grow

But sending death into a baby eagle
For food
So your child can survive in this world of the free
Where we are all slaves to the systen
Will leave you in chains
You can **** a human child
But an eagle is not ok
This isn't a game

Someone listen
JUST BECAUSE THEY CAN'T SPEAK DIDN'T MEAN THEY DON'T FEEL ANYTHING
Isn't that what animal rights people preach
Why do we believe baby animals feel things
But a child who could of been you
Doesn't mean a thing
Picture if the first thing you heard from your mommy was I'm sorry
As pain you have never felt before
Eats your from your core
And the only person who 'loves you'
Says they don't want your anymore

Someone listen
Death comes on swift wings
Life comes slow
And leaves fast
Instead of making our time last
We call death to take away the mistake you made

No need to tell your parents
Its ok

SPEAK

You will get to heaven and see children with wings
Smiling faces that could of meant something but now they mean nothing
Cause the only love they gave ever felt was from something on swift wings

Who told them it was ok
As you killed a babe

When did death become more forgiving
Then living
When did the life of an angel mean nothing

I used to sing about a girl with a fire inside of her
As a kid I always craved the flames
Wanted them licking and my mind
At The very essence of who I was

I craved the heat they created
The warmth I could surround myself in
That others would run from

Now I became that girl
But my fire got out of hand
Like a forest fire all I needed was one dead branch
For my flame to devour
Till everything started to go sour
I was burning on the inside
By the flame I craved
The heat I once  controlled
Started to capture me
The warmth imprisoned my mind
Until it started to shake my body
My fire was suppose to be something i loved
Little did I know
Flames can't love you back
They just take you
All of you
Until only a shell of your self is left

I was to young to understand how freaking deep this was

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep goin',
And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, 'cause

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

She just wanted her to graduate
do what she could never do
she regreated dropping out everyday
she didnt want that same regret for you

when she died you couldnt take it
why didnt God take your life
you decided to grant her last wish and go to college that night

but while you where there
you met a dashing young man
he promised you the world
at the flick of his hand

and you  feel for his trap
left school with 2 more years to go
only if you would of known

after 2 years he got violent
hit you for the first time
all you said in your mind was lies
then you realized what this was
you called the police
and to this day your baby girl
wonders why you took away her daddy

To be honest
I'm done with it
All of it
Since about 2 months ago when I first saw the monster in him
When my rose colored glasses came off and I saw what he truely is
But that didn't matter
Not in his eyes
And I've never been one to force goodbyes
I tried
Believe me I did
But this situation im in is no longer my decision
I don't have a choice
Because I can't bear the consequences
If I don't agree
If I don't appear when he needs me
I'm like a genie in bottle
Always doing what he wishes
Even though he never asks me anything
He Just tells me
All he does is scream
And yeah he buys me things
Keeps my wallet full
says he loves me
But I don't think he cares for me
I'm just an object to him
Like a stray dog he took under his wing
Locked in a cage
And won't let free
I just want to be let free
Breathe the fresh air
And not be scared if he sees me
Free to have my own friends
And not be scared he takes them away from me
I just want him to leave
But he won't
So now I'm stuck living like an animal
Trained to obey
And I still have to smile
Like everything is okay

You have heard creepy stories about zombies right?
How the follow you and stock you at night
and how they attack at first sight
try to bring down anything of light
and thing truly living
like parasites
I know zombies
some of them use to be my friends
they were like me till they got bite
then they turned
they became like every other girl
I call them zombies
because they simply follow what others do
and live on trying to turn others
they steal
lie
eat
but they are hurting
you have to remeber that these zombies are still people
Unlike what the stories say they can be changed back
These real world zombies are fakers and thats a fact
my only question is do you believe that
because they are all around you
mostly at jobs or schools
on tvs
the internet
most people define them as cool
so they try to be zombies and let them selves be bit
then turn like the rest of it
and it happens to most
but not to all
there are some who refuse to fall
refuse to turn
refuse to be like everyone else
I'm a zombie fighter
I need your help
I need you to be original
and speak your mind
don't just flow with the tide
release that creative person inside
tell you ideas
and always ask why
we are zombie hunters
and we will fight

Forget all you lost
all you had
all you wished for
but never got

leave all the pain  
the tears
the things that brought you nothing but fear

forget the abuse
the loneliness and the rage
the monsters that you use to call your friends

forget it all
and start to begin again

The only thing stopping me
From being happy
Is me
I'm my own downfall
Pretty sure I won't last long
I self destruct
And even though you love me
You can't change that
There is nothing you can do
I have to heal my inner wounds
And you can't help me through
I'm sorry but it won't be pleasant
I won't be OK
Most of the time I'll be crying
Mentally dying
Trying to smile through the pain
I can hid it if you want
Won't tell you anything
I just wish it would stop
But only I can take away my pain

Every day I try to make progress
but I feel like I'm running on a treadmill

I guess I should write a poem about you
since you read my poetry
I know your depressed and I don't mind you stalking me
Honeslty
it's kinda cute
you still obessesed with me over all this time
still looking for the truth
To be honest
Nothing I ever said was really true
but I'm starting over now
at least I think I am
I'm figuring out what to do
now that we are finally through
so you don't have to stalk me anymore
you know what I'm up to
you can move on
if you want too

I really do
If I could just stop pretending around him
He would know it too
I'm just so stupid
Just so young and dumb
I don't know how to act
Now that I'm in....