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There are Times

When I am
Groping at the vapours                        
Of nothingness
Hoping to churn out
Life and hope from it,
(With a desperation
That makes me feel
As though I were
strangling emptiness itself.)

There are Times

When I wish with all my might
(Believing for just that dead moment
that my thoughts are powerful indeed.)
That the concrete reality
Would crumble and melt
into nothingness.

There are Times

When I remember
That it's darkness
Staring at me in the eyes
[Threatening me or encouraging me,
                                          I know not.]
And I shut my eyes
To crawl within
The cold comfort of familiarity
That I first meant to escape.

There are Times

When I seek to
Merge into a shadow
As the gust of Light,
Having shot out
From unseen corners and walls of impasse
Now straining its eyes at me
Sears and sieves through
The dust of opaque fear
Settled since long before I was born.

There are Times

When I realise, a truth
Shall not be uttered by me
Not the right time,
How do you set a time for truth?

There are Times

When I must not let
The truth run amok
Lest it wreaks havoc.
P.S. / Epilogue

Don't tell me that you
Have already forgotten
That there were times,
You did not know
Or even want to know
What you wanted to do, or
What you ought to have done.

There are times when we seek hope, in the form of an opportunity, a person who could guide us, without realising that the only person at that juncture to help us, would be our own self. But there's a constant wait for (Godot?) something to change things, as if trying to make the universe say that we were in an unfair place that could not be helped, and only a definite pattern or turn of situations would give meaning to one's life. The manifestation cannot be, prior to the determination.

There are times when the opportunity doesn't merely knock at your door but stays put like a silent comrade waiting for you to pack your bags, so it can bring you to a new dimension of you yourself. Many a time, our fear stifles us, overriding the striving that seemed hope enough till now, only to bring things back to status quo.

There are times when one feels that one needs to take a stand, make his/her voice heard, to try and bring a halt to something that shouldn't happen, and is happening, yet. But circumstances spell out a different path altogether, and then we are faced with situations where we'd rather not let something be known to everyone, because it would do more harm than good. What is the truth, then?
 Aug 2014 Audrey
r
Sun hid his smile away
on a cloudy day
o'er Carolina

Moon she cried
thought he had died
for a love he left behind
across the line from Carolina

At night he dwells
in her emotion
an ocean of the bluest tears
that ever fell on Carolina
on a cloudy day
when the sun forgot to shine.

r ~ 8/9/14
\¥/\
  |    Blue waves in Carolina
/ \
 Aug 2014 Audrey
r
Tiergarten party
 Aug 2014 Audrey
r
I saw a photograph today.
Old, Berlin, black and white-
black charred stumps-
blackened limbs.

When they bombed the Tiergarten,
did the trees hear them fall
in the forest?

r ~ 8/6/14
\¥/\
   |     Berlin 1945
  / \
 Aug 2014 Audrey
shåi
five marks
 Aug 2014 Audrey
shåi
i begin to run
from the very thing
that i am

one.

the chase begins
a fight between
mind and body

two.

i suffer the inability to comprehend
the world and myself
my enemy is gaining control

three.

i lose my thoughts
i have lost the ability to
once love

four.

i punch the mirror
of myself
for words scrawled
hold an empty truth

five.

it never been there  all along
it had only been
myself

(b.d.s.)
suggestions are welcome!
fading into nothing
seeking oblivion
only to find
rock bottom
10w
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