Drunken tears with lonely fears have felled upon my shoulder
I give you the means, the knowledge, the support to prevent the weekly trend
Yet it always comes down to you wanting to molder

Which is actually funny, in a not so funny way
You want to break the mold
You want to be known as bold

You figure you'll be young forever
Nothing will catch up

Until you're fitting another mold, one you didn't expect

Before you break the societal mold,
you have to break your own

You couldn't handle my need for order
for safety
for security
so I went with you, into your chaotic world
I was scared, but I trusted you.
You said you would be by my side
We would be together
Happy
Again.
but once I was out of my element
you dissipated into the noise
and
       left
             me
                   stuck
You said you would be back
and that I'll be safe
I haven't had a thought to myself without the noise of the world
The humming the the buzzing the the the YELLING
But I waited for you to return for good
I waited for you
I waited
I waited for so long.
You wouldn't stick around, but left me with empty promises of it
Every time I want to go back, you show your face again
and
        give
                 me
                        hope
Hope that you would return for good so I'll feel safe, again.

I'm sorry dear, but it got too much.

You can keep your chaos, if that's what makes you happy

but I still don't feel safe
and I still hear the noise


and I still have hope

I found comfort in your arms.
I found security in your hands.
I found love in your eyes.
I found kindness in your heart.
I found intelligence in your words.
I found adventure in your mind.
I found persistence
I found relief
I found fun
I found sweetness
Softness
Motivation
Creativity
Wonder
Compassion
Thoughtfulness


You found the bottom of the bottle
over
and
over

and all was lost

On a summer night so clear
I asked how much you hold me dear
You took my hand and got some sand
In a solo cup bright red
"Count every single grain" you said
I did.
I counted every grain, which took all day and night.
I counted them all and
you were gone
It turns out, a cup of sand is not a lot
Even if there were many little pieces
Love cannot be measured
To measure it would be a distraction.

I helped you
You told me you're here too
I don't help for personal gain but
I'm hurting.
I'm hurting.
Please return the favor.
Please stop telling me to not be selfish.
All I asked was for some help.
I've listened to you talk about what's ailing you
I've helped you through it
You promised!
You promised you would be there for me!
But now that it's not about you, you don't care
You give me half hearted advice and change the subject to yourself
How you're hurting more, or how I'm too weak because you're hurting more and you're better than me

so I put my pain aside so you'll feel better for awhile

We were dancing in perfect sync
We had an impeccable routine
We were perfect
I saw it
You saw it
Until I wasn't perfect
You wanted the same steps with someone else
You took my feet with you

You compared yourself to a bird and me a cage
I hold you back
"Don't leave, don't leave
You need not be free
I don't want to risk losing you
So stay here, please sing with me"

except

You are not a bird, and I am not a cage

I was your blanket on a cold night
I was the cast on your broken leg
I was the home cooked meal after months away from home

Just because I limited, held you back, because

I put the cork in your wine bottle after a glass too many
After days of intoxication
I asked you to consider kindness when you wanted vengeance
After a brief altercation
I pushed you to rest after days and days of exhaustion
After you snapped with agitation

I pull you away from self destruction, quiet enemies that bring corruption
You don't want care, you want an accomplice.
You don't want change on your own terms
You don't want change at all

The caged bird does not sing

So what's your excuse?