Im not a writer
Im a poet
A master in the art
Im not a monster
Im a human
With a huge heart
I dont always rhyme
Unless is casual
Keep it classy

I don't argue
I dont fight
I watch
I observe
I see the snarls
I hear the words

If only they could ****
I would be extinct
Accept me
Believe in me
Im trying my best
To be someone you'll be proud of
Call me yours
Own me
Earn me
  
I wont apologise
For being sincere
Neither for being dry
Its a war of emotions
The victor will earn
Society's love
Fame
Power
And the rest
Well thats history

I lay here staring
Hoping it will ring
The phone to my happiness
The remedy for depression
Closure to my insecurity
Why won't she call
Why cant she see
The need for her assurance
In my life.

In my world
She'd be queen
She'd be first
And i'd be happy

Im loosing it
Tempted to cut
To choke
To smoke
To get drunk
To forget
The hurt inside
If only i could
Tell her how i feel

Maybe she'll understand
Maybe she'll see
How important she is to me
But what scares me most
Is hearing the anger in her voice

The will to go on without me
Her happiness without me
The joy someone else might grant her

So if that day comes
The one where her silence deafens
Her gaze relocates
The spark dies down
And friction looses its grip
I'll crash and burn
Worst than 9/11
And i'll pay the price
One i can't afford

They don't understand
They say im too weak, too young
I know more than they do
Because its happening to me
This will be my 32nd disaster
And just like the first 31
I'll fight alone
I'll crawl alone
I'll cry alone
I'll be alone
In my corner
At the back of her mind

Im broken
No glue can fix me
Every nut, bolt and *****
I've lost them all
Help is no longer needed
But what i'll smile about
Is the fact that
When I hang from that tree
And then lay in my box
She'll look at me
She'll see me
She'll know what she missed
And when she speaks
She'll know how i felt
How i mourned
How i burned
Then she'll love me back

breaking ice in my mineral water
lime spritzing the air and
dripping down my fingertips
as i twist it and sip its tang
hot sunlight radiating on my
body until the sweat glistens
at even the slightest movement
the rustle of well-worn pages
his sharp Adam's apple
rolls ever so slightly with a swallow
of the sparkling glass
the bubbles, like tiny diamonds
the hiss of the sprinkler next door
and the squealing chortles
of the neighbor kids running in it
chocolate melting on my tongue
chair squeaking when I recline

Happy is as happy does, but
I'm thankful happy's mine.

This is for you,
You who felt like the world was trying to smother you out of existence,  
you who felt the pressure to be the same even though we are all different,
you who was ridiculed and abused because of something you could not control,
you who needed to be free even as you were caged and shackled,
you who felt invisible and alone,
you who felt the need to apologize for who you were,
you who felt the pain was to much to bear,
you who felt the need to take a blade to your skin,
you who tried to numb the world into a blur,
you who were left broken and shattered,
You are a part of me as much as i am a part of you,
You who denied those who tried to bring you down,
you who defied gravity and took flight,
you who found yourself in the mist of despair,
you who are different and proud,
you who are once again whole,
you who found love in the end,
I am you and you are me,
This is for you...

Is this even a condition?
My mind confused
My heart heavy
My life seems a mess
And I'm here
With my knife in hand
Destined to end it
Determined to live on
Why am I depressed?
Where is my smile?