the fear of losing more than your mind
i turn my pain into beautiful words and images.
why can’t i do the same with my happiness?
this isn’t going to make sense
cause it’s not supposed to
and if I’m being honest
this isn’t for you
it’s not even for me
I’m every other word that describes people who feel at a dead end
I’m typing on a ****** phone
That’s connected to a ****** connection
That could possibly be a metaphor for my life
Because I don’t know what else to do
Cause that’s what they told me to do
But they also told me that what I think isn’t always true
That I’m special and I just don’t see it
But that’s the thing
I don’t see it
And if I don’t see it then why should it matter if anyone else does
And if I’m thinking something why should it matter if it’s true
What matters is that it’s in my head
What matters is that it’s always there
But here I am
Stuck in the same place
Back to square one
No progress made
The same questions, whether true or not
Will I amount to anything?
Do I really help?
Am I really worthwhile?
Do you actually care?
I see these people
When I’m online
They smile and post
They edit and pose
I can’t help but wonder
Do you really smile, or do you just do it to look happy like me?
Do you really feel happy, or are you trying to lie like me?
Do you understand what I feel?
Or is it just me?
I’m not trying to be selfish
I don’t want a lot
I just want to be happy
And I want others to be happy with me
But neither is happening
So instead there’s a poem
That doesn’t even ryhme
That makes no sense
I’ll try harder
— The End —