Ive come to realize that I cant cry. I....am simply numb. My face expressionless to the untrained eye....

I question what Im doing here. When will this cloud go away. I feel so....empty. My thoughts silent to the untrained ear...

I find myself saying almost absolutely nothing....No sound. Words come out, but have no meaning. My cry, silent.

I have no meaning......

(I am)

I am the swollen shiner  from life's sucker punches. Bloodied noses from left field jabs. The kidneys that feel the brunt force when you get stabbed in the back.

I am the intricate plan, designed so you can fail, the question with no right answer.

I am the fighting chance and strands of hope, morally pulling you through times of disaster.

I am the child holding a bottle of jack daniels, flying off the handles of life and landing in shambles.

I am the realization that nukes will not be our finale, that our world is ******, we have one last tally.

I am a poem, of a child so true, about lifes questioning lessons with nothing left to do....but wait.

I am....

Love...
The word I fear the most.

For I have yet to feel it...

The freedom of self,

The comfort of touch...

The compassion of another,

The understanding of another to the fullest...

The irresistible pull to one another,

What I have been told about love seems so fleeting and disguised...

Unobtainable?

The world I live in always stealing from me.

My thoughts, my emotions, my personality...

What is love?

What is love if you have never understood the word itself?

What is love, when never feeling?

It's incomprehensible...

Until you really feel.

It's funny when you go numb

You don't feel anymore.

You've been hurt so much in your life that everything goes away.

Not just your emotions, but your passion.

What you once cared about in life.

Whether it be writing singing drawing.... It's gone.

You eventually get to a point in life where you could watch somebody die right in front of your eyes, and not feel a thing.

Somebody could be going through the hardest time in their life and you would feel nothing.

When you get this numb, it's like an addiction...a way out.

A way of not dealing, the easiest way to say **** it.

Even in this numb state of mind you want to feel.

Humans aren't meant to be numb. We are meant to understand, we are meant to feel...

So now you're stuck fighting this numbness.

Driving yourself mad.

Your mind constantly fighting, but you give up... because now there is no way out....

So it seems.

Im waiting for nothing, so it seems
A soul with so much opportunity
They caught my heart, I might actually die
But for some reason I can't bring myself to cry
Romance is limited
Electronic walls
Very few hellos to answer my calls
Its tearing me to shreds, but you can't see
The hope in my eyes for one opportunity
"I would do anything for you", I'd mentally yell
You write me off, that much I can tell
Are you asking for more or shrugging me off
You act so sweet, but then you scoff
Mixed signals indeed, so painful to say
Why does it always seem to turn out this way
We share a bed, but never share our thoughts
It's either "We're doing this", or "I almost forgot"
What am I doing here? What's there to see?
An endless hope of opportunity?
I'll keep on waiting, because I love you so
I could say it again, but you already know.
Im waiting for nothing, but I'll never let go...