die satt so füttern.*

as usual.. blah blah... and then auschwitz & blah blah...
kindergarden and allah... palestine and ha ha...
whatever... you censor me you censor
whatever you wish to die;
and i will ensure you die, ensuring
a **** had more mercy than me upon death
as i hadn’t in life!
unto you the sacrilege of the deathcamps
the coffee breaks of the lost words when the found words
ought be spoken weren’t!
hey, but i’m not a speilberg about to make a blockbuster
and get away with it...
i’m the poor polish girl about to bake a bagel...
but ******* america... turns out china owns the world
worth speaking of... because the world worth thinking of
doesn’t exist... whether defined by heaven or hell.

They say that once you hit the lowest point in your life you can only go up from there. I swear I've hit so many low points I just keep going lower and lower.

Who decided that "they" knew what "they" were talking about ? Who decides we should just listen to them?

I keep sitting here on this lonely beach imaging a better place... A better time.... But all I hear is the waves crashing against the sand. All I hear is the ocean threatening me with something unknown.

My love for nature grows dim & my fears begin to take over my body. Panic attacks and sleeping so much and so long my body can't react to being awake properly.

I used to be confident and strong.
I used to be in love with love and life.
Now I fear the unknown.
I fear being alone with my thoughts ringing so loudly in my head.

The ocean... There is an ocean inside my head. Filling my ears with water and letting my thoughts and memories drown me alive.

So when do things start looking up? Is it after I've already drowned all my happiness under the sorrow and contempt?

No sooner does my breath fail
than once our eyes meet.

Like the night that flows in arrows
And the raven that flies in skies
She comes to me in a chaise
Pulled by the great white wolf

Aimee, my love, you are
the door between pleasure and pain
You fold me in shawl of lies
And stab my heart with truth

You came here like a salamander from the fire
Your siblings are **** and Nyx,
Melt in my arms like dew on leaves
Whisper and say you'll never leave


But the archer killed the raven
And wolf barks outside, in forest,
You have to go, you kiss my neck,
Send me to sleep, although
You know I'll wake up crying

Your hair is unseen in night
The eyes are tears of fire
Your skin is made from brightest stars
And you're dressed with moonrays

My leg on his thigh,               
my breast on his arm,
I gaze at my partner, 
his face is so calm,
his eyelids are shut,
his breathing is even,
how peaceful is sleep,
hope deep in his dream,
my body feels comfort, 
far greater than pain, 
its warmth is my cradle, 
in life its refrain,
the song we all long for, 
and all wish to hear, 
away from all troubles,
protected from fear,
how great is this feeling, 
right next to my dear. 

10th December 2010.
Margaret Ann Waddicor