If you understood
all the feelings someone had
when someone passed
or when someone left

If you understood
someone's reason to keep going
when pain and doubt
crushed their every waking thought

If you understood
that you would never understand
maybe they'd have more comfort
maybe you would have been a better man

If you had kept trying
I'm sure you would have gotten there
to where you would understand
not every thing is for you to understand

If you understood
If you understood
If you understood
If you had kept trying
If you hadn't given up
If you were still here
If you knew what you would never know


If you understood

Today
today I struggled with old feelings
I saw what I use to want
although with me,
was want I want now

so

Tonight
tonight I struggle with mixed emotion
between the then and the now
I will choose the now
but I can never forget the then

i'm scared
i'm scared because i just graduated
i'm worried
i'm worried because i don't know anything

i'm excited
i'm excited because i can be my own me
i'm happy
i'm happy because soon i'll be moving away

and i'm scared again
i'm really scared
no one told me how to be an adult
i guess no one gets told
but
what do i do with myself now

work is unfulfilling
school too expensive
career unlikely
money too low
depression creeping in
anxiety levels rising
breaths shortening

tonight I got to see him
oh, he was beautiful
his hair curved to shape his face
his smile perfectly placed

we laughed and smiled
we giggled and danced
all i wanted was to give a kiss
but his heart was a target I've already missed

the night was young and peaceful
happiness floating away into the darkness
he was happy there with me
but with another was where he wanted to be