When I wake from a peaceful slumber
wrapped up next to you
curl my fingers gently
and, tell me that it’s true
that I am yours forever
forever cradle me inside your heart
then whisper you’ll return to me soon.

So Im alive,
But I died a little inside.
Because I am dead
And now alive and reborn
Into a thousand words never written,
I will become no one again.
Did you metaphorically cry?
Sad as thinking how well
You truly knew me?

" But we were poets!"

And so you live and die by the
Stroke of the passionate lie
That are the words that well
Up inside like a brutal indignity,
Outraged at my shamelessness
Did I ever truly puncture your heart?
I am Ded inside,
And I dont know you,
But I just love your poetry!

So we sever the ties from reality
And divorce the facts
In a hopeful serenade to the deaf,
See how I magnify the ignorance
With brazeness?
Such splendid grandoisity!
And a poem is just a word,
There is no poem without action.
I am me,
No metaphor needed,
Just who the hell do you think
You are?

did you know that I cried on the way home from your house after our first kiss?
it was almost as if my body hadn't known warmth until your lips touched mine
as if my apathy was melted away by your touch
I don't ******* know much but I know about you
I know you hate how your hair curls up when it rains, but love the smell the rain leaves behind
and I know you don't like my sad music, but still kiss me when I sing to it
you hate going to your dads, and you like to be the little spoon
your lips part slowly, not fast
and every time you tell me we're going to eat healthy, you look at me with these eyes and I know we're not
when you cry your eyes get the brightest shade of green, and God I hate it but I love it at the same time
when you fall asleep you shake and twitch, but you don't like to believe it
youre good with your hands, and your lips, and your eyes
your heart monitor used to go off when we would make out outside your house
and you like that my head is cluttered, but sometimes you wish you could fix it
so maybe I don't know where we're going or remember where we've been but I know every inch of you like the boards on the dock we used to sneak out on
and I can love you better than any ******* who will ever think they have you figured out.

At first I did love you,
but then the rain caught up.
Always thinking of you,
laying dormant on your crest.
To drink until you blurred,
until as velvet as the mist.

When I grow up, I'll be cool.
Smoke until my lungs float.
Drink until my body's a pool.
Think of people with three felonies,
singing the same penitiary melodies.
Think of girls that said no,
love that diminishes
while a fetus grows.

I'll think of my dad growing up
under a different circumstance.
Think if my mom could hear,
she'd probably like to dance.
Think of my grandpa and my brother,
one isolating, one with too much love--
I wish it'd smother
me, under a Christmas tree,
whispering, 'I wish I could give more,
but all I have is me.'

At first I did love you,
but the frame spills metal guts.
Always thinking of you,
the way your eyes, wide shut.
To think of a turn,
I watched it blur,
the glass shattered.
The paramedics mimicked me,
lifting me up,
'What's the matter?'

When I grow up, I'll be dope.
Find a nice blond and maybe elope.
Shake into her what was stirred into me,
and tell her not to mistake it for chemistry.
And bleed no more, so she doesn't believe,
that there used to be a weaker me,
but it's hard to control a certain circumstance--
like, what if my mom wished to dance?

It's about time for me to be reminded
It's about time for me to be refreshed

There are no boundaries
      in this world
Only the walls that we create.
      Socially acceptable questions
with socially predictable answers,
    * Stay in the box
             color in the lines
                   follow directions *
There are no boundaries
        in this world

Oblivion
That's what I crave
Not death
Not life
Oblivion
Peace

It's also what I fear the most

Ironic

Tell me

Does it hurt ?

Your growing pains?
When you breathe in bright red love only to breath it out again?

Love.

The worst thing to happen to mankind.
And the best.

Love is what I fight for.

Oblivion is what I want.

Bright red, running through our veins
******* growing pains

sometimes getting out of bed feels more like a climbing
and some mornings waking up can be a triathlon of effort
I have completed many

sometimes I am all muscle
sometimes I am all skin
sometimes I am the long lost cousin of regret
sometimes I am the farthest thing from human

some days I am a Saturday
some days I am more Monday
some days I am both
it does not matter which day it actually is
it does matter if I can't remember

I get lost often
in poetry
in the process of writing
in movies
and moments of comfort

I don't think about the future a lot
but occasionally I'll wonder what it would be like to live happily in it
Now and then I'll draw people into mine and imagine how they'd fit

I take things day by day but tomorrow still excites me nonetheless

I was fifteen when I got my nose pierced
sixteen when I switched the stud for a ring
seventeen when I got my driver's license
and at eighteen I finally stopped sleeping with a nightlight

I am terrified of the dark
but I will never admit it

I am terrified of losing things
but I will hold onto my pride like it's my sole source of surviving

I will not always be smiling
know that if I am not, it’s not your fault
know that if I am, it is

it took me years to correctly pronounce ptsd
it took me a few, two exactly
to admit that I have it

know there will be days when the storm is too heavy to fight off alone
the winds too strong to fend off with just these arms
I will not ask for your help
I will think that I don't need it
I will

know that your laugh will never become secondary
your happiness, always a priority
I have loved too much for far too long to not do so consistently

I'm a hopeless romantic
but often times I will just be hopeless
this
is when I will need you most
when the loud of my vocality has turned itself quiet
when I can blame only tired for my weakness
this
is when I will need to be reminded
of that tomorrow that excites me so greatly
tell me
about all the times the stars were told they wouldn't glow bright and center
tell me about all those instances of defiance
tell me about the moments where the sun refused to let the clouds block her bravery
how she still manages to make herself known in the midst of chaos
tell me
is there anything more worth it
than being unabashed in your awareness?
to know that this is what I am
and it is all I have to offer
?

the thing is
I don't have a lot to offer you
only poorly composed sonnets and a good 99% of my affection
the other one percent
I'm saving for myself to have on a rainy day

the thing is
I don't have a lot to give
but I do have words I am willing to tie into stanzas
I will wrap them up and call them gifts
I've got a body,
not perfect but it's mine
and I'd love for you to know it

the thing is
there are a lot of things you should know about me
before you love me
but the truth is
a lot of them you really won't find out
until you do
and that alone
is the best part
about it

When I think of rain I think of you
And the night that it all began
The thundering dismantling of everything that was once
“us”.

The overpowering hymn of the rain
Crashing onto the hood of your pickup
I’m gripping you firmly up against
And as my cries crack into the air
Striking you right there
Making your feelings
Spark.

You really did it this time.
You ****** up because
I ****** up because
You ****** up because
I ****** up because
You ****** up because
I ****** up because
You ****** up because
Who started it?
I can’t remember and it doesn’t matter but
It's easier to say
YOU ****** up .

Everything ceases
And in a flash
I am melting into you
And I only smell the sweet spirit of fresh grass
And the damp cotton bonding to your shoulders
And your breath pressed against mine
And the harmony of
“us”.

That hot spring storm
Was the day have melted a little too far.
We became a flood.
And we drowned in
"us".