I am going around in circles



It's too dark

everything is too tall;

all the same.



I am going in circles



People telling me I'm worth it

around, around, around

But I still deny it.



I am going in



sane; what a sought-after word

circles, circles, circles

I can't seem to walk in a straight line.



Am I in?



There's a tunnel of light

going, going, going

that I want to run into.



I am..



A bit dizzy; I feel sick

in, in, in

I want to get somewhere



I



Unable to move from these loops

am, am, am

I collapse to the ground, out of breath.

Break my bones;
cut my throat.
Pull me open,
learn the ropes.

Breath me in;
taste the fear.
Shank my skin;
stand and cheer.

Kick my head;
let me bleed.
Unbolt my veins;
enjoy the read.

Gouge my eyes;
punch my face.
Wrap me up
in your embrace.

Unfinished notes,
Unheeded lessons,
Distracted mind,
Stolen glances,
Fantasies in the day,
Dreams at night,
Chasing a lost cause,
Lovelorn.
Two years later,
I’m still only two benches away from you,
Yet you are a thousand miles away.

Stars laid out before me on this ever haunting eve,
seem to laugh in all their glory, while I can only grieve.
For myself and for others, and all with our disease,
our silence is solace for the ones we'll soon bereave.

I've laid my last brick and the wall's standing proudly,
a monument to the filth which always surrounds me.
It is me.

And I'm feeling kind of good again,
knowing the bricks keep all safe from my sin,
that with time no one will remain,
bringing a day with the ending of pain.

Sometimes I struggle to peak over my wall,
jumping and screaming to no one at all,
wondering if anyone is out there still waiting,
and knowing they aren't is sometimes frustrating.

Of course there is no one left anymore,
and saddened as I am, that's what walls are for.
I did this with purpose and now I can bleed,
with no one to be hurt by my dying deed.