You used to only make $225 in a week
Now you can’t make $225 last a week
What is happening here?
You swore that if you made more you would be responsible and stable
And yet here you are
Barely able to stop reaching for your credit card
Barely able to stop spending your money and your time
Fixated on things you don’t need
You promised that if you made more money you would be responsible and stable
But here you are
Barely able to maintain
And filled with greed...

(Consistent financial irresponsibility is a form of self-harm and addiction)

He came inside of me a year ago tomorrow
He didn’t want to stay and now I’m filled with so much sorrow
Why can’t you see me?
How does it feel to **** a ghost?
Do you know how it feels to feel invisible?
You dumped your emotions on me and then you dumped your load
You unpacked your baggage and left it on the floor
I tripped and fell over it and then I wanted more
I’ll admit,
My judgment is poor...

I am under construction
Out of order
Uninhabitable

You can't make a house into a home before the foundation is built
I could show you the blueprint, but it wouldn't grasp the attention of a man who's not well versed in architecture
It wouldn't make sense to a man who doesn't understand the importance of balance and structure
A man with no vision couldn't see what I see
He couldn't fathom what the end result will be

I am undone and unfinished
I am building but I am lacking
I am trying my best to stay focused without surrendering the strife
I work all day, everyday with minimal progress and even less reward and quite frankly I'm growing tired of my life

I've spent years gathering my supplies and laying bricks but no amount of progress has made me presentable
No amount of hard work has made my incompleteness comprehensible
I've laid brick after brick but still I haven't turned into anything remotely livable

I work tirelessly and though the bricks keep piling up and the structure becomes more and more fully formed each day, still I am useless

I am fed up and I want to give up but instead I get up and lay even more bricks instead of making excuses.

In search of a soul bathed in purity
Suffering from insecurity
Wondering how it will end
Wishing that it never began

Looking to the sky
You wish the answer would fall like rain
Washing away all of the hurt
Drowning out the endless pain

If this is life
Then life is not something I want to live
Feeling empty
Feeling hopeless
I have no more to give

Loving until it hurts you realize hurt is all you have
Trying to move on
But life has left your heart in half

What do you do when things don’t go your way?
What do you do when all you can do is pray?