They were happy
For the first time in their lives
A window of joy
An instance of hope
She was so beautiful
A baby girl
But happiness is a kind of sorrow in itself
Nothing in life is free
The mother was bleeding
Her life slowly ebbing away,
slipping through her fingers
she paid for her daughter’s life
with her own
they could have saved her
she could have raised her child
but there was no blood

He had lived this far
only by a miracle
all those years of chemotherapy
slowly decaying his body
his spirit, willing
his flesh, so weak
since birth
his own body killing itself
leaukimia had taken its toll
they said he had lived too long
that he was a fighter
eight years old
but he needed the transfusion
to live eight more
he could have lived longer
he could have had
his first date
his first dance
his first kiss
he could have walked down the aisle
with the love of his life
he could have known life, love and happiness
before he knew death
he could have known the joy of bringing up his children
of watching his grand children grow
but now he can’t
he sits in a hospital bed , surrounded by those who love him
awaiting his fate
for there was no blood

an unborn baby
getting ready to enter this world
this beautiful world
not knowing how much
sorrow his coming brings
his mother sheds tears
though not of joy
it was either him or her
a mother forced to decide
the life of her child
or that of herself
but there was a slim chance
he could survive
they had to operate
she agreed.
The operation
A success
The baby was saved
....well almost saved
they tried every corner
looking, searching
hospitals, dispensaries
they even appealed to schools
but they got the same answer
his whole life ahead of him
now lay behind him
he was six months old
prematurely born
pre maturely dying
he could have lived
but there was no blood

They were to wed in two weeks
Exchange vows
Walk down the aisle
Sound familiar
But war came up
He went to fight for his country
To keep her safe
She remained
Praying each day for his return
Then they brought back his body
Mortar fire, shrapnel
had shredded his flesh beyond hope
They had to amputate his leg
He bled to death
They could have saved him
She walks down the aisle
But as a widow not a bride
A dirge instead of the wedding march
Haunts her steps
She carries lilies instead of roses
Black-clad instead of white.
The brightes of days turned to
a night as dark as midnight’s face
the vows she would have said
had been fulfiled
till death did them part.
He could have been by her side
Kissing her
Watching as she threw the bouqet
Watching as their first child learned to walk, ride a bicycle
As their first child got married
They could have sp[ent the rest of their lives
Together as they ought to have been
But there was no blood

We preach water and drink wine
we excpect to be saved
when we refuse to save others
we take on the role of executioner
executioner of the innocent
i’m afraid, it will hurt, i don’t have enough
i can’t do it, i’m too old
We **** the innocent with our decision
We **** our future, our hope, our dreams
We **** those we love

You say none of these apply to you
Then Let me dash your dream world
Your fantasy, your bubble that you call life
Let me dash them on the jagged teeth of reality

Your brother lies dying in an ambulance
A knife sticking out of his heart
He has been mugged
Your father lies, dying, after a heart bypass operation
His only chance of life becoming one of the many for death.
Your mother lies sick in a hospital bed
Anaemic and slowly slipping away
Age caught up with  her
Your sister lies in a clinic
An accident cut a major blood vessel
She is losing her life
You could have saved them all
But you didn’t
Maybe you still  can
Or maybe its too late
Did i forget to mention
You lie in the bed next to your mother
Wishing, hoping, praying for life
Weak from a car crash
You have lost the very blood you refused to give
The very blood you wish could save the lives of your loved ones
The doctor walks in
Clip board in hand.
What do you think he will say.

What will your ending be.
You may
Choose your destiny
Or choose your death
But remember,
Greater love hath no man
Than to lay down his life for a friend
How much more if it were a stranger.

picking flower from your beard

                      only in my dreams.


                                      daffodils from your eyes

                         intertwined around your glasses.


                                       I make a bouquet

                                            every night.


                                 hoping maybe in your dreams

                      you're picking flowers off me too.


                       clutched in your hands


                    maybe just one.

I dont want you to write me poetry
I can do that for both of us

I dont want you to compare my eyes to sunset
Or, my mind to some sea of undiscovered depth
I just want you to see me for who im-
Dully ordinary in all my deeds

I dont want you to be breathtakingly handsome
We could be too cute for two ugly people

I dont want you to speak all those fancy big words
And get me a bouqet of rose every night
Just be there with me, be my light, when all i see is in shades of blacknwhite
And on the brightest day, tolerate my lights if i outshine you

I don't want you to understand each action of mine; to decode every word
Just promise not to give up on trying; never give up on me

I dont want you to fix me
Just be patient with me while i glue back all that is left from my last heartbreak
I might run in opp. Direction at your approach
But ill always find my way back to you

I don't want you to give me forevers and mouthful of nevers
Time is a ****, as we both know*

If you can and if you may,
Just love me in this very moment
Cause forever is nothing but all these moments stitched together

I dont't want you to tell me you love me
But please, just do love me

You're a bouqet of wildflowers
I'm an average red rose
We're an odd set of valentine gifts

You're a sky dive over California
I'm a picnic in the park
We're a weird combination on a date

You're a sunset on the Bahamas
I'm a hot day in Arizona
We're so far apart

You're everything I want to be and have
I'm nothing you even think about
We're something that just can't be done

And what do I say,
when you've took all those words,
and crammed them away
into a pretty little bouqet
of tulips.
What do i expell from my lips,
with a sorry wrapped up like this.
Bright green ribbons and blood red buds,
Scattered across Years of disappointment.
When you propose to wine and dine
in an attempt to confine
this mess you've made.
What do i say?
Because id do anything
to make this okay.

ice is in the air
it fills all space
and leaves
   nothing
untouched

the noncomittal voice
of an unfamiliar priest
bounces off
the hard air
   unheard

dark clad people
  white faces
frozen to the cemetery ground

someone
who has not yet
fully understood
softly
   defiantly
places a flaming bouqet
of red roses

my gaze
cuts through
the strange flowers
to the time
that was

We went down in history.
Best worst couple alive.
We deserved an award.
Tiger striped pajamas
And a SLIGHTY
Illegal pengin drawn on the side of a building.
Made by a painter
More worthy than van gough.
Goodbye.
And I say that with no hatred.
Goodbye.
We had a good run.
As you said,
You and I,
Were never meant to be.
What was it?
5 times?
7?
To be honest I’d lost count.
So goodbye.
Im not washing all those campfire songs and broken bucket memories
down the drain.
I’m simply storing them in a box that has your name.
A box vacumed air tight,
So that I can never need another band-aid
With a green crayon on it.
That box will be sealed,
But only opened in short filtered bursts
Just to remind myself,
You were here.
To remind myself of a first kiss,
A first wish,
And somehow we ended up watching the avengers?
Don't ask me,
Because I was too busy looking at you,
To take even a second watching the movie.
Which you were fine with,
Because you hated
Superheroes.
Which Ill never understand,
Because your sister and brother
Look at you,
Seeing nothing but a driven
Well thought out
Superhero.
For a while there,
You were my superhero too.
You managed to get me out of a tree,
Which I have now learned,
Are not to climbed
When you have a fear of heights.
Im not sure how,
But even in the middle of the night
With a blood moon clouding most of the light,
And a bunch of your friends talking about the latest gossip
You got me down from a tree
That I had decided to climb,
Just to see see the moon better.
I had climbed
To where the branches swayed in the wind
And to where tall girls with 110 pounds on their body
Were definitely,
Not designed to be.
Once down,
After what seemed like hours of agony,
It was probably about 3 minutes.
I was scared shitless.
But when everyone left,
We stayed in the grass,
Trying to make our own constelations.
Out of barely visible stars
Shodowed by a red tint,
That drove out every speck of light other than its own.
Thats kind of what you were like.
You drove the life out out of me,
And created a new one.
You locked up who I was in a cage
With the key having been thrown into the nile,
I called it love.
Because you were trying to make me better than I was before.
Someone who fit your lifestyle.
You turned me into a broken record
With so many scratches,
The glossy look of the tracks were barely visible.
But you werent all bad.
You kissed me at a campfire,
Walking back to evening circle
Where we would sing some weird song
About the sun being gone,
And the day being done?
Then we all went to our cabins,
But I was frozen in place.
Because theres no way that was real.
It wouldve meant that my wish,
The way you told me to wish,
Actually worked.
One of my friends had to take my arm and drag me in my daze back to the cabin.

You took me to a golf course
just past the woods,
Because you thought it was closed.
It was not closed.
We learned this when a golfball missed my head by less than an inch,
It was an honest mistake,
But we laughed.
Partily because of the golf ball,
Mainly,
Because that was our luck.
Our luck was having a ball miss my head by an inch,
And a golf course that lacked green grass,
was still open.
Our luck was getting lost,
Because I got distracted by the wildflowers in the woods,
And walked off to make a bouqet for you.
We werent lost,
We were just,
Taking the scenic route I guess.
But we wound back up at the baseball field with built in playground off to the side
just as light decided to dip from view,
And leave the very sliver of a moon
To try and keep us able to see.
That was our luck.
But you had bad luck
And so did I.
We seemed to circle in hurricanes.
A world being thrown about until that quiet little eye.
Before we were thrown back into misfortune,
We were addictive.
When my bad luck met yours,
It was the kind of darkness no one longs for.
This was not the darkness of sleep
Where you could go and be alone.
This darkness was not that.
Our darkness was a silent room that screamed loudly
Hoping to deafen us through our separate walls,
Our darkness was a room that had no doors,
No floors,
And lacked a ceiling.
But there was still no way out. Barbed wire
Higher than our Mount Everest of past,
And even your ego couldn't climb on top of mine to get half way up.
So we sat in opposite corners of our big and screaming rooms,
And waited for the whisper to turn it all off.
My whisper.
My whisper was apologizing and making promises you wouldn't never give me the chance to keep.
Your whisper back
Was an army of paper airplanes with one message.
I forgive you.
For every apology I said
And for every piece of my heart I cut out as a peace offering,
You gave me a paper airplane.
Each with the same intent.
The intent to make the point stab into my skin,
And bleed more poison into my blood,
Without me noticing the scratch.
You distracted me by sitting on a now broken bucket,
And by laughing when I made a joke we both knew wasn't funny.
You distracted me by laying in the grass
Or putting your head in my lap.
And I distracted myself by playing with your changing colored hair,
While pretending this was real.
I wanted it to be real.
For me it was.
It wasn't for you.

But sometimes our difficult rooms separated
And though our rooms no longer screamed at each other
The rooms screamed at occupant of it.
Mine screamed at me,
And your didn't scream but was silent and let you sit with your pain.
My room couldn't do that.
My room tore me apart,
Because all of the shredded pieces would eventually go to you.
And suddenly,
Our rooms connected and a paper plane flew my way.
I let it hit my right cheekbone.
I opended my paper expecting your usual note.

But it was different.
This time your note said no.
I hadn't whispered yet.
But “no” still landed in my lap.
My whisper back was one of confusion.
Another one of the paper airplanes hit my heart,
But the paper was worn out and red.
It wrote,
Not safe for you.

And again I whispered,
This time a pained confusion,
I asked what your paper airplane meant.
This time your paper airplane said:
I'm sorry.
And then,
All of the paper airplanes caught a small fire from their edges and then they were gone.
Even the ashes,
Gone.