we get high and kiss on your couch
i think i’ve seen this film before
mouth pressed to mouth

it’s the same story
every boy i’ve fallen for
just wanted me for ****
every one i thought i loved
just wanted me temporarily

i’m falling for you
i whisper as you fall asleep
the words come out thickly
the taste bittersweet

i call you when i’m lonely or think about him
i’m wrapped in your arms and it’s 3am
but i can’t do this anymore, i can’t do it again

i don’t think i like this game, the stakes have become too high
i’m in freefall and you’re just watching with uncaring eyes
so i’ll give it a month before you make me cry

i think about the girls who come to your show
they’ll get in your car, and you’ll take them home
because you don’t really need me, not at all
i’m just your pocket *****, your friend, your living willing doll  

friends with benefits doesn’t exist
it’s friends or lovers
or someone using another

so you don’t want a relationship
but thats all i want
but i guess i’m satisfied being your placebo girlfriend, your glorified ****

men have never been my forte.
not even my own father has done me right.
I’ve been hurt over,
and over,
and over again.
told constantly of my beauty,
but never of more.
and you know what?
I thought you were different.
I really did.
I thought you wanted me.
not just for my body, but for my mind as well.
god I wish I had known the truth.
did all those late nights spent talking mean nothing to you?
and how about the times that we kissed?
it seemed like we’d never stop.
I could have sworn you felt something
and that I did too.
now I’m not so sure.
am I just a game for you? is that all I am?
do I really mean that little?
I want the real you,
I want more than just your lips.
I want to see your true colors,
but I seem to be blind:
unable to identify what’s right in front of me.
I don’t know if I love you,
but I don’t want to anymore.
I’m tired of guessing,
and guessing,
and guessing.
I’m tired of this feeling,
but I will never be tired of you.
you, my guilty pleasure,
my forbidden fruit,
my biggest secret…
you are not the sun.
I am.

you looked of sanctity
but tasted of sin.
with your wide eyes of blue
& your porcelain skin.

your lips felt so perfect,
right up against mine.
almost as if we were
old stars aligned.

your words were like honey,
they slipped out so smooth.
& so often you spoke,
there was no interlude.

word after word,
I was spellbound.
&
kiss after kiss,
feelings unwound.

you removed all my layers;
left me stripped bare.
and all that was left were
strands of blonde hair.

were they yours?
were they mine?
were they merely a figment
of my lovedrunk mind?

till now i’m unsure,
but would I like to know?
we’ll leave this unanswered,
farewell my faux beau.

one morning I woke,
unaware it would be my last.

not my last morning breathing,
but my last without you
on my mind.

I suppose I am to blame.

I am the one who lit the match,
the one who began the game.

now I’ve lost myself.
lost myself in you.

not just in you,
but in your lies
& your lips
& your arms.

you’re everywhere
& now I’m left to wonder…
where am I?

brain is a strange little place
a real mess of barbed wires and dead ends
a set of connections my mind threads
they all have a tint of you
something that i cannot erase

the weight of memories
that i have to carry myself alone
within my being like chains sewn
they all have a taint of you
as you forget and enjoy the ease

contaminated and consumed by you
but do you ever remember me, too?

We've heard a lot about true love
Seen it in countless movies
Read about it in countless books
But does it really exist?
Well, I'd like to think that it does
You see, I'm speaking from experience
When I first fell in love
I felt like a bird
That had just sprouted wings
And was ready to take off
And experience the sheer joy and excitement
That comes naturally with flying
Especially if it's the first time
I felt like every single day
Was something to look forward to
And I managed to derive some interest
Even out of the most boring lectures
You see, I was doing my MBA then
Anyway, cutting to the chase
It ultimately turned out to be a case of unrequited love
But, as they say
It was totally worth it
My second tryst with love, though
Wasn't quite the same
Arranged marriage, love *** arranged marriage
You can call it whatever you like
But it doesn't change the fact
That it was never going to end well
To put it plainly
We were incompatible
And the eventual divorce
Was a blessing in disguise
I thus learnt the hard way
That it is not enough to be in love
And that is absolutely essential
To have things in common
The more, the better
So, coming back to true love
Does it really exist?
Well, my answer will remain 'Yes'
After all, I'm a hopeless romantic
And I'm not about to give up
Just because of one bad experience
I also believe
That it's a question of when, not if
And I happened to learn
Through a Facebook post
One out of countless posts that I've seen off late
That you shouldn't worry about finding the right woman
Just focus on being the right man

Thirty two years and counting
I haven't found true love yet
And I am not considering unrequited love
I've been there twice
The first occasion was during my MBA
To cut a long story short
I simply couldn't pluck up the courage
To tell her how I felt
When I eventually managed to do it
It turned out to be a case of locking the stable
After the horse had well and truly bolted
The second occasion was an arranged marriage
Where the engagement brought us closer to each other
Or at least, I thought so
But the issue was, the girl didn't
And the pandemic pulled us apart
Metaphorically as well as physically
Thus, that didn't end well either
Now that I am single again
Thanks to this amazing human invention called "divorce"
The hunt for true love continues
Before we proceed further, though
Let me get this off my chest
I am a work in progress, not a finished product
And I have my flaws
But then, we all know the saying
Nobody is perfect
Everybody has some flaw or the other
In fact, it is these flaws
That separates us human beings from robots
Which are equally intelligent as we are, if not more
But I am going off-track
The point is, I need someone who loves me as I am
Of course, it works both ways
If I love someone with all my heart
I would do anything for her
I mean, anything that comes within the definition of "ethical"
And I wouldn't want her to change one bit
I mean, as far as her character is concerned
Now that we are all on the same page
It is time for me
To resume the hunt for true love
Of course, we all may have our expectations
But I ask for only two things
Unwavering loyalty and trust
And accepting me as as I am
With all my flaws
And when I do fall in love
I hope and pray
That it is reciprocated, for a change

every time i see you i forget you can see me too
more often then not i catch my eyes tracing your face
like if i can remember every detail i can keep you like a photograph
but just like a photograph the ink warps with time
and i have to remind myself this will someday be a memory
something i can not touch but feel
and i’d do anything to not forget this feeling
but in this frame i stand alone
cause you were never mine to keep in the first place
i’m just a girl with smudged fingerprints

How do I apologise to you, as a lady,
When I wooed you like a gentleman?
Do I bow out, and kiss your hand? Again too manly;
Do I withdraw in pique, dangerously fluttering my fan?
I said I wished you the best, no apology necessary;
Best to move on, and forget another shameful episode
Of dropping hints, and asking to hang out, totally unwary
And uncaring of the hints you dropped along the road
Too long for my own stretching it; but in dignity I knew to stop,
I knew enough was enough at that point, for my ***** to carry;
The cogs in my head were grinding to a halt and over the top.
You weren't a man to make an honest woman of me,
But I would be, and am, honest without you, and believe,
As I told you "Believe I will be fine", that I will fly
As I have been flying; When you cease looking through a sieve
Look up to the sky; and yet, perhaps once more, I'll pass you by.