I know I must have lost my mind,
Reaching for something I cannot catch
Or virtue of a different kind.

I never thought that one could find
In someone else a perfect match
I know I must have lost my mind

In a subject so undefined
It's to this feeling I attach,
A virtue of a different kind.

Though after many I have pined,
From this one I can not detach
I know I must have lost my mind.

Oh, many scenes I have designed
But from these I have not a scratch
Of virtue of a different kind.

Were I to speak, and be declined,
To someone else I'd soon dispatch;
I know I must have lost my mind,
Or virtue of different kind.

He was love’s fool
A drop of rain
In a downpour of seasonal shame
A farthing in the fountain
Spent on wishes
Glistening in the fenlands
Of unreplenished riches

A plea, among the rustling
In a vast forest of variegated leaves
Sorrow among garrulous winds gusting
A path through
His wooded pathos
Blazed with love and lusting

Then a tear finds wing
On a falling leaf
Snapped from the limbs
by currents of heat
rockabye'd into halcyon
so misery and his companion
Forge a new coin

Thrown and flipping along an arc
A pinwheel casting solar sparks
Purling hope in a tumbling fall
promises anything can happen
To anyone
Anytime
at all

There was a day,
When my fingers could not keep count,
Of the number of friends I had.
But those days are like a fairytale,
Never to return again.

They’ve all slipped through my fingers,
And I’m sorry for what I’ve done.
Even though to me,
It’s unknown,
Like a mystery.
Maybe I should summon Nancy Drew.

What went wrong ?
Maybe I wasn’t good enough for you.
Maybe I was just too much for you,
Too overwhelming.
Maybe I was too much of a luggage for you to carry around,
Too emotional.
Maybe I got too heavy
And you decided to place me into the middle of the road-
To take on the whole world in my hands,
That can barely hold a dime,
-or just to watch the world move on.

Maybe I was just too dark,
And relied on that blade too much.
Maybe I’m not pretty enough,
And my scars are too scary for you.
Or maybe it’s because I’m
D   i   f  f  e  r  e  n  t,
Just maybe,
It’ll always be maybe because you just disappeared.
Without leaving a message or note.
If it’s just to say:
“Talk to you soon”,
Even if it’s not soon.
You just stopped saying “Hi”,
And stopped showing that you ‘cared’

I’m sorry for being me,
But it’s okay,
‘cause if I was in your place,
I wouldn’t even stop to say “Hello” to me.

Feeling so conflicted as to what I'm missing
knowing what I'm feeling isn't what I'm really missing
know that times are harder now
Time is constantly ticking
Life keeps on pushing me further, how?
Feels like I'm always on the edge and close to tipping
and I keep tripping
And the urge is always there, picking away at me
Haunting me with its cold glares and stares
making me feel so conflicted as to what I'm missing
and I know what I feel isn't what I'm missing
I'm missing but nobody seems to see
I'm missing but nobody seems to be...listening
I'm missing but nobody seems to be...looking
I'm missing but right in plain view
but nobody's noticed I've gone...missing
So why would they search for me when they think I'm as whole as the full moon glistening
what they fail to realize
was she was the moon
but a part of her was hidden away
a piece of her...*missing

Sometimes my stomach
feels as if it is eating my insides

Sometimes I hear music
and it reminds me of you

Sometimes I sink to my knees
and wish I was just good enough
at least to be used

if I am the frying pan then you are the fire
in a way you’ve always been my gateway drug
[oh her]
and I’ve always been their gateway to you (we have never
really been that similar) if I am the street lights then
you are the stars (you have always made that one
pretty clear)
I am covered in your footprints
your hair kind of looks like mine
spit on my face and we’ll see if I start to look more like you
[oh it’s you]
we were born in hospitals and since then my infant skin
has felt like plastic in your hands
(I’ll sit down in the dirt to see if I can blend in
with what you say you really love) smile and maybe
I’ll remember
what I really love about the grass growing through the sidewalk
(I remember once you told me you would love me
if I could show you where the sidewalk ends)
if I am the bridge then you are the untamed river
I’m sorry if I couldn’t see below my feet but you never bothered
to look up either
you have always been my gunpowder and I
have always been your bastille (whether you are rogue or royalty
has yet to be determined) you have always said
that I was hollow and I held matches in my teeth hoping
it would prove me volatile
[always you two]
I used to think our bones were the same metal but you’d
be the first to tell me yours was forged in a hotter fire
I think
mine will be harder to break (and we will both be melting
for years) if I am holding their hands then
you are bleeding beneath their feet if I stand alone
then you are standing on their shoulders
(I remember you like charcoal on a cave wall
like a name carved in tree bark
there are sets of your fingerprints next to mine all down
the highway
hold my hand against the dirt and we’ll see
if the heat of battle in the blood red riverbank will be enough
to burn this skin from our bones) we are not friends and
we are never going to be strangers (and more than anything
I am sorry for that)
if I am midnight then you are three am
if I am the sun then you are (not the moon)
arcturus
in a way I’ve always been your gateway
in a way you’ve always been my coup de foudre
[oh this again]
in a way your poetry was always my first love

bloodied hands rub walls of confessionals like a cheap imitation of the most beautiful stained glass

theres beauty in the way you whisper my name followed by the words not good enough

your body is colored in someone else's fingerprints and i've been burning my hands to shape mine in just that way

kiss my lips until they crack like the sidewalks of the city that we used to dance in

bare feet on dashboards, cigarettes in your mouth, and hands around my neck: a list of things that make the most sense

a sunset reflecting off a mirrored building, eyes watered down until dark blue is nothing but the color of blue jeans

thunderstorm veins and lighting in my skin as my jaw becomes a platform for your kiss

your eyes are pools of holy water, but my lungs are full and I've been drowning for quite a long time now